re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" What do you do when you're having a difficult day acknowledging your toddlers wants and feelings? Help! I'm having one of those days..."

Movie day! Take a walk. Get a treat for you and your toddler. Try to turn a crappy day into a fun one.

So were definitely not going to spank/swat our 16 month old....but lately my SO has been smacking the table (loud) when he cries to get his attention...I am guilty of clapping my hands to get him to stop crying too....I am aiming at snapping him out of it but I don't want to scare him....advice please!!   <3

Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" So were definitely not going to spank/swat our 16 month old....but lately my SO has been smacking the ... [snip!] ... get him to stop crying too....I am aiming at snapping him out of it but I don't want to scare him....advice please!!   <3"
Not something I would personally do just because it is his only way of getting your attention in an urgent way. My feelings would be really hurt if I needed something and I called to my husband or friend and they made some loud noise to get me to calm down.

I always just responded to them crying for attention in the same way I would when they were babies, they grow out of that naturally when language develops.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" So were definitely not going to spank/swat our 16 month old....but lately my ... [snip!] ... crying for attention in the same way I would when they were babies, they grow out of that naturally when language develops."</blockquote>




  I never thought of it like that. I guess it would be better to take him outside really fast....I used to do that when he was younger.

I've just started noticing that maybe knocking on the table is influencing him to hit....he's started hitting everything :/


eta- Say he throws a tantrum ( arching back and eyes shut scream crying) because he can't run around with a spoon and is teething /tired or w/e....I try redirecting...I try getting eye level and making him look at me while I talk to him to let him know I understand he is upset ....then if that doesn't work I pick him up and cuddle him...THEN I resort to clapping ...but like I said I think that and my SO hitting the table is making him want to hit.

Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" So were definitely ... [snip!] ... cuddle him...THEN I resort to clapping ...but like I said I think that and my SO hitting the table is making him want to hit."

I let tantrums run their course. Everyone does it differently but I don't try to stop them, I see that as encouraging them to stifle emotions instead of dealing with them.

I describe the feelings...you are so frustrated! You wanted the spoon but it is dangerous. That would make me mad too. That gives them the language to describe when they get older, so instead of getting confused and feeling something but feeling they shouldn't express, they are taught to say I am mad now! And it is so much easier to deal with a person who recognizes and appropriately expresses their emotions than it is to deal with someone who keeps it inside and seethes or has random outbursts.

There comes a point when I just sit there in silence and wait for them to come to me or calm themselves.

In public depending on the place I leave or just continue about my shopping while calmly speaking to them.

A lot of parents feel like their jib is to get kids to stop crying, when really your job is to support while they cry. Better out than in.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" I let tantrums run their course. Everyone does it differently but I don't try to stop them, I see that ... [snip!] ... feel like their jib is to get kids to stop crying, when really your job is to support while they cry. Better out than in."</blockquote>



That is so true and I remember talking to you about this a while back....I guess I just didn't realize that making a loud noise could make the situation worse in the long run.

But I know exactly what you mean and my SO and his sibling have anger problems because of not being able to express themselves as children.

It took me 2 hours to get him to take a nap and I did not clap my hands during a tantrums once....I actually didn't get that frustrated myself because I guess I realized I am causing alt of these issues...I could have taken him for a long walk or woken him up earlier today.....it seems like lately he has to have a melt down to take a nap...but I think my methods/routine is the problem *sigh* thanks for helping me realize this!!

Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" I let tantrums run their course. Everyone ... [snip!] ... to have a melt down to take a nap...but I think my methods/routine is the problem *sigh* thanks for helping me realize this!!"

Yay progress!

It's so easy to get lost in the moment. Knowing what to do and doing it are so different and no one can be perfect. My daughter is that same way with all sleep times and it is so irritating...why cant a tired child just go to sleep? Lol. Sleepy times are my weakness also because on the other side is a BREAK!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Yay progress! It's so easy to get lost in the moment. Knowing what to do and doing it are so different ... [snip!] ... cant a tired child just go to sleep? Lol. Sleepy times are my weakness also because on the other side is a BREAK!"</blockquote>

I knowww its so hard to not get frustrated ....especially when you really need to shower and get ready for company haha!!



Just gotta pull my head out of the situation and look from his perspective

I think parents hit their kids because they don't have any other way of disciplining them. For those cases, I think the parent needs to come to grips with the fact that your own child is more intelligent than you are - and why wouldn't you want this anyway? - and disciplining a child like that can be very difficult because they are always trying to outsmart you, and probably are. But slapping them will make it worse, they will disrespect you more and more because they will think you don't even understand them at all enough to come up with a better solution.

Hey I just found this group and am interested. I have an almost 1 year old. And if I try slapping her hand for doing something I don't want her to do she tries to hit me back or spit at me. And she just keeps doing it. My DH and I both were spanked as children so we've never really talked about it or given it any thought. My husband though was also abused by his stepmother and yelled at and cussed at a lot. So this is a hard cycle to break. He tries really hard not to cuss but that's all he's ever known.

Quoting CLC:" Hey I just found this group and am interested. I have an almost 1 year old. And if I try slapping her ... [snip!] ... at and cussed at a lot. So this is a hard cycle to break. He tries really hard not to cuss but that's all he's ever known."

Hi  . This thread is pretty slow lately but if you have any questions or particular trouble areas, feel free to ask. Also if you want any book or website recommendations. A lot of us here are 'breaking the cycle' so you fit right in.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Hi  . This thread is pretty slow lately but if you have any questions or particular trouble areas, ... [snip!] ... to ask. Also if you want any book or website recommendations. A lot of us here are 'breaking the cycle' so you fit right in."</blockquote>

Ok thanks. My daughter has started a phase where every time I set her down se just lays in the floor bawling and wants to be held all the time. She did that from broth to like 4 months. But I just hold her as much as possible. And when I set her down I just let her throw her fit. She also screams a lot bc she's excited and it doesn't really bother me but my DH can't stand it and says "it hurts his ears" and that we need to get her to stop and I say go right ahead and try. She likes to throw her food or cup in the floor and then claps like she did a good job. I try stopping her before she drops it and yelling her to eat it or put it on the tray. She will usually eat it and then I clap and say good job.

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Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" Ghhjjnmbvcfdssdfgjnnmlkkv"

What's up?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" What's up?"</blockquote>

Oh I thought this thread kinda died heh so I moved my post.

My 18 month old has been fighting sleep during nap time pretty often lately...My Mom has been watching him a couple days a week while I work and each time she tells me she holds him and rocks him for a looong time and he will cry tears then fall asleep...it kind of bothers me...I found finger print looking bruises on his legs that kind of concern me too. Maybe I am over reacting but what if she is restraining him too much?

 ...what if the whole rocking him against his will is making him hate nap time?