re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

Hi, first time posting at this thread. My DS is 14 months old. I'm a single mom and we are together all the time. I believe in compassionate, respectful and non violent parenting like most of you. Lately with my little one entering toddlerhood he is getting into absolutely everything in attempts to learn and explore. I encourage that. However, today I while was gardening I look behind me and he is destroying the plants I had just planted. He plucked the flower heads off and he was stomping the pepper plants. I got so upset and I grabbed him away and yelled at him   i feel so bad now. He doesn't know better and was probably trying to copy me... The look on his face was awful. Like he was really hurt by my reaction to him. And that's what it was- I reacted instead of responded. I want to do things differently when I get heated and mad instead of yell. Please give suggestions on how I should of handled this situation instead of what I did. Thank you.

Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" Hi, first time posting at this thread. My DS is 14 months old. I'm a single mom and we are together all ... [snip!] ... and mad instead of yell. Please give suggestions on how I should of handled this situation instead of what I did. Thank you."

Maybe next time you could set him up in an area that he can destroy. Or even just bring out a rubbermaid container and fill it with dirt and safe garden tools so he had something similar to what you are doing to keep him occupied that doesn't get in the way.

14 months is definitely old enough to be teaching gentle touches, one finger touches, and no touches. Work on those different phrases with him while guiding his hands and making it fun to learn the difference, I think he'll pick up fast.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Maybe next time you could set him up in an area that he can destroy. Or even just bring out a rubbermaid ... [snip!] ... those different phrases with him while guiding his hands and making it fun to learn the difference, I think he'll pick up fast."</blockquote>




Thanks a lot. I definitely need to do something. The one finger touch sounds like a good idea. He's started pulling my hair to get a reaction or something. It's like he's testing the waters.

Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Maybe next time you could set him up in ... [snip!] ... touch sounds like a good idea. He's started pulling my hair to get a reaction or something. It's like he's testing the waters."

Ya...  too bad they can't stay sweet newbs that can't escape when we snuggle them forever...only they could grow out of the night waking.

True that sista.

Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Maybe next time you could set him up in ... [snip!] ... touch sounds like a good idea. He's started pulling my hair to get a reaction or something. It's like he's testing the waters."

My 14m/o is being a bit agressive as of late. When he smacks or pulls hair, I take his hand in mine and in a soft voice I say gentle touch and do hand over hand touching my arm or patting my hair or what ever to reinforce the correct behavior. When I correct other behaviors I avoid using the word "no" and substitute with the appropriate behavior so instead of "Dont pick your nose" I say "Hand down" or instead of "No running" I say "Please walk" or "time to walk" That way I can feel that my redirections and positive and caring. And when he grabs my cat and pulls her fur until she starts meowing in pain and I cant get to him fast enough, then I scream no because 1. Im only human and we all make mistakes and 2. I'm afraid I wont get to him in time and the cat may scratch him on the face (its never happened but you never know) . Its a stuggle we all deal with daily!

I also love what Chim said about "1 finger touch" def gonna try that :-)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Trixie7678:</b>" My 14m/o is being a bit agressive as of late. When he smacks or pulls hair, I take his hand in mine ... [snip!] ... know) . Its a stuggle we all deal with daily! I also love what Chim said about "1 finger touch" def gonna try that :-)"</blockquote>




I have the cat problem too. update: I've since taught my son one finger touch and gentle touch since my initial post here. Sometimes he needs reminding, so I'll ask "how does mommy like to be touched?" And it's so cute bc he starts petting me lol! It's amazing how capable he is of doing what I ask. I have him such little credit before. Don't get me wrong he still plays with the dogs water dish anytime he gets a chance but that is to be expected.

Quoting ItsEasyIfYouTry:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Trixie7678:</b>" My 14m/o is being a bit agressive as of ... [snip!] ... credit before. Don't get me wrong he still plays with the dogs water dish anytime he gets a chance but that is to be expected."

Logan is in the dogs water dish all the time too!!!! He always dips his foot in. these silly kids..

How do you handle temper tantrums while food shopping? My daughter never behaves while shopping and its so hard to get things done. She refuses to sit in the cart and when i let her walk she runs away up and down the isles.

Quoting mama fae:" How do you handle temper tantrums while food shopping? My daughter never behaves while shopping and its ... [snip!] ... and its so hard to get things done. She refuses to sit in the cart and when i let her walk she runs away up and down the isles."

I bring my kids hungry and pick a snack from every section and have them ring up a bunch of empty food wrappers when we check out, lol. I'm sure it's annoying but it is what it is.

Grocery shopping is boring as all get out and I do what I have to. I can't expect a little kid to not act up while being psychologically tortured by the boredom and horribleness that is food shopping.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" I bring my kids hungry and pick a snack from every section and have them ring up a bunch of empty food ... [snip!] ... expect a little kid to not act up while being psychologically tortured by the boredom and horribleness that is food shopping."</blockquote>




If there was a way to 'like' your comment I would. Haha!
So on to my reason for being back to this thread. I need some support and encouragement I guess. I don't get much of it from family   I have friends with kids but none have advice I find helpful reguarding gentle discipline for my LO. Now, my son is only 15 months and he's not doing a whole lot that requires "discipline", however, I want to get myself in the habit of responding gently and patiently. A lot of times I fear I am becoming my controlling mother when I hear myself say things exactly as she said to me.
So recently my son has been pulling my hair when I pick him up to stop him from doing something he very badly wants to do. He deliberately grabs my hair and cries and screams and PULLS. Omg it hurts. So I tell him I won't let him do that and ouch mommy doesn't like to be hurt and yadda yadda. I'm just wondering how do I PREVENT such outcomes? It seems like even if I pause and explain to him why he can't do something he wants to do he still persists and gets very upset. I'm having trouble knowing how to respond to this stuff.. I'm glad he is able to express himself and his wants. I just need to know how to keep myself in check emotionally I think. Suggestions? (Sry I know this was long and kinda all over the place)

For an english class, I'm doing a 15 page paper on the effects of corporal punishment. Any mamas in here have information that may be of use? I'm looking for any books, or professional articles (not out of a magazine, for example) on the topic. Any websites or authors that you ladies know of would be great!

Quoting *sarah*jean*:" For an english class, I'm doing a 15 page paper on the effects of corporal punishment. Any mamas in here ... [snip!] ... articles (not out of a magazine, for example) on the topic. Any websites or authors that you ladies know of would be great!"

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn has tons of references to research.

Quoting Taiter Tot's Mama *HOAR*:" "When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. ... [snip!] ... has not only made us better parents, but in the long run we believe it has created more sensitive and well-behaved children."

A Great Video to Watch with Your Toddler: http://youtu.be/EchCyrrn0tY

What do you do when you're having a difficult day acknowledging your toddlers wants and feelings? Help! I'm having one of those days...