re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Our kids are the same ages and my husband works second so I do bedtime alone and we're pretty much in ... [snip!] ... sleep issues. Sometimes they just evolve and a lot of times what works one night doesn't work the next night (or ever again!)."

I cannot wait to try these! lol. I had actually wanted to get a twin bed but figured we should use the toddler since it didn't cost us anything. Except now it's costing me my sanity.   My hubby will be home tomorrow for a day so hopefully we can find a bed while he's here.
Now I've got a (tentative) plan.   I really need to track Theo's naps and see if he is on any kind of schedule. The only thing that would really mess up laying down with Claire would be him having a late nap. Claire takes one nap a day and usually I have to trick her into it (car ride anyone?). But I'm excited to try the massage and just chilling out with her. I miss snuggling with her and maybe this will help in other areas too.

I've not been on this thread since June and it was painful catching up, i had to skip a bunch of pages. Gentle discipline doesn't just mean not hitting your kid, emotional mistreatment and love withdrawl is equally as bad, if not worse in terms of long term consequences  

I wish i had something more positive to say, i'm sure there were lots of positive posts too. I just wish those who want to support not spanking would increase awareness of non violent parenting in every aspect. We need to get past the idea that emotional punishment is a better option, it's disrespectful and damaging and ineffective in terms of having our children feel wholly loved and supported for who they are.

Quoting Jenn O:" I cannot wait to try these! lol. I had actually wanted to get a twin bed but figured we should use the ... [snip!] ... to try the massage and just chilling out with her. I miss snuggling with her and maybe this will help in other areas too. "

Any luck?

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Any luck?"

I did have luck! Not with the bed thing. lol. But I am having luck with putting both kids down around 8. I think most of Claire's problem was that she was settling down too late. She's been asleep by 9 for 3 nights now.   I've been a much happier mom. We get into bed and read books and maybe get silly for a few minutes then it's lights out and I sing to her as she falls asleep. So she's been sleeping with us but I'm going to try to change it. I figure after a couple of weeks of successful sleeping I will start moving her to her own bed in our room, then start her there, then move her into her room.  
Thanks for the suggestions though! I plan on givng them a try as I'm able to.  

Quoting Jenn O:" I did have luck! Not with the bed thing. lol. But I am having luck with putting both kids down around ... [snip!] ... her there, then move her into her room.   Thanks for the suggestions though! I plan on givng them a try as I'm able to.  "

Hey whatever works! I'm glad you're having better luck. We just moved bedtime an hour earlier about 3 weeks ago and it does make a big difference!

I always move my daughter to my bed after she falls asleep, I have major anxiety with her being in the other room, haha. I suppose I'll have to let go of that sometime before college.........

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Hey whatever works! I'm glad you're having better luck. We just moved bedtime an hour earlier about ... [snip!] ... major anxiety with her being in the other room, haha. I suppose I'll have to let go of that sometime before college........."

Lol. Claire had been in her own room since around 11 months, off and on. I like her in her own room. We all slept better. It didn't wake her any time we coughed or got out of bed! I'm kind of enjoying snuggling her since my hubby isn't here though.  

Quoting Jenn O:" Lol. Claire had been in her own room since around 11 months, off and on. I like her in her own room. ... [snip!] ... didn't wake her any time we coughed or got out of bed! I'm kind of enjoying snuggling her since my hubby isn't here though.  "

Oh, haha, my daughter sleeps like a rock. Once she's out, nothing wakes her, so we've never had that problem. My son is a really light sleeper though and he sleeps better alone, but he wont sleep on a crib mattress, so we will need to buy him a twin bed when we have the space.

Hi I am new to this thread. I have a 16m DD and am expecting #2 in January.

DH and I use positive parenting which for us means modelling good behaviour, talking about feelings and fostering emotional intelligence in our daughter to help her be a non-hitter as well. She does pick up some bad habits at daycare but she sincerely doesn't want to do harm to anyone. If she hits or pinches I say "ow, that hurts mommy," and she then reverts to the gentle touch that we taught her (it's like patting a dog).

I find she sometimes pinches to get my attention if I ignore her so being attentive to her needs is a great preventative measure!

I'm looking forward to hearing what works for you.

Quoting Lotus Mama:" Hi I am new to this thread. I have a 16m DD and am expecting #2 in January. DH and I use positive ... [snip!] ... her so being attentive to her needs is a great preventative measure! I'm looking forward to hearing what works for you."

Hi   great to hear things are going well for you guys! Now that DD can talk, I have taught her to say "mommy I want you to pay attention to me". It is amazing what being able to talk does for a child's frustration levels and just teaching her that phrase has cut down so much on issues like random hitting and pinching!

16 months is a hard age so keep up the good work, sounds like you guys have this down.

Quoting Lotus Mama:" Hi I am new to this thread. I have a 16m DD and am expecting #2 in January. DH and I use positive ... [snip!] ... her so being attentive to her needs is a great preventative measure! I'm looking forward to hearing what works for you."

love this... positive parenting is what i'm working on -- my son teaches me to be a better person every day of the week.

I need help again! lol. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. My husband has been gone for a few weeks now and won't be back home until November. He has been able to get back for a night here and there but that just seems to make life harder.

Anyway, sleeping is going slightly better. I just accepted cosleeping but now it's still a struggle to get her to stay in bed. Does everyone just let their kids run around until they crash? How does that work? Do naps happen? Does a "routine" eventually happen?

And it seems overnight she has turned into a 2 year old. Pushing me, testing me, everything. Hitting me and her brother, doing the opposite of what I ask...I'm totally drowning. I get so angry and end up just yelling which is NOT what I want to do. I always apologize but I still don't want it to be like that.

She's also really been into pulling all of her toys out...so we started cleaning up today and I helped a bit until she told me "mommy put toys away" So I ended up taking away quite a few toys because she wouldn't help. *bangs head on wall*

Quoting Jenn O:" I need help again! lol. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. My husband ... [snip!] ... she told me "mommy put toys away" So I ended up taking away quite a few toys because she wouldn't help. *bangs head on wall*"

for the sleeping thing, I've always just let my kids sleep when they are tired. they don't have a set nap time. if they are tired, I put them down. if not, then occasionally they don't nap (well, the older one .. 2.5 yr .. the younger one (4m) still naps all the time, of course). same with bedtime. I put him down when he's tired rather than at a set time. it used to be 10pm, then it was 9pm, now it's closer to 8 or 8:30pm.

Quoting Jenn O:" I need help again! lol. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I'm about to lose my mind. My husband ... [snip!] ... she told me "mommy put toys away" So I ended up taking away quite a few toys because she wouldn't help. *bangs head on wall*"

If I let my daughter run around until she crashed, she would literally never sleep. When she acts tired, I put her in bed (with me) and make her stay there. She tries to get up, kicks and screams, and is generally obnoxious, lol. But she needs the sleep so I just keep laying her back down and try my best to be super patient.

When I follow when they are tired, I have noticed there is a general bedtime and naptimes for them. But, it might be one time for two whole months, then there's a long adjustment where it's all over the place, then something new for awhile. I just go with it.

I need to vent. And get support. I locked Claire in my room (where she's been sleeping) and she's upset about it. For good reason. But I'm still just so angry! It's been a rough couple of weeks and even rougher couple of days. I even got a break when she stayed at grandma's house Sat night. She's pushing everything. Hitting, kicking, throwing toys. I KNOW this is normal behavior. How do you control that urge to be the screaming, hitting parent? I haven't hit her (though I've wanted to) but I have done more yelling and arm grabbing than I ever wanted to.

I do ok at first, try to redirect or ask her to touch nice and so on. But after awhile I just can't think straight anymore. She laughs and I flip. I'm rereading my books starting tomorrow (had to wait for them at the library) but I feel like such a bad mom.   The thought of dealing with this day after day just makes me angry all over again. I don't know what to do.


*edit* and just to add I did go in and apologize to her after I posted this. Still feel frustrated and lost. She went to sleep thank goodness.

Quoting Jenn O:" I need to vent. And get support. I locked Claire in my room (where she's been sleeping) and she's upset ... [snip!] ... to add I did go in and apologize to her after I posted this. Still feel frustrated and lost. She went to sleep thank goodness."

When I first start getting angry, or feel like she's goofing off, I give a warning "you need to lay down and go to sleep or mommy's sitting over there." And if she keeps doing whatever, I grab my kindle or laptop and sit on the floor and read or do whatever where she can see me.

And I just do that until she starts calming. At first it would take like 3 hours, lol. But it got progressively better. If she asks me to lay back down and I can tell she's done, I get back on bed with her.

It's a good distraction but sometimes I still get mad and yell after a couple hours. Urgh.

Bedtime is my biggest weakness so I get you.