re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

Apparently DH's parents have been telling him that we should be spanking DD. She is 2. He finally put his foot down and told them to mind their own business. He pointed out that she is the most well behaved two year old that we know. They totally agreed.

Go DH!  

Quoting ♥ Colby [+2]:" Apparently DH's parents have been telling him that we should be spanking DD. She is 2. He finally put ... [snip!] ... their own business. He pointed out that she is the most well behaved two year old that we know. They totally agreed. Go DH!  "

if she's so well behaved,why would they even suggest spanking?! SMH I just don't get some people.
glad he stood up to them!

<blockquote><b>Quoting dream:</b>" if she's so well behaved,why would they even suggest spanking?! SMH I just don't get some people. glad he stood up to them!"</blockquote>


Because they are control freaks. Lol

I am too. He's a mama's boy. I never thought he would stand up to her.

Quoting dream:" well it will take some time to "un-do" some of the things she has already learned / picked up on. The ... [snip!] ... say it, but don't overreact to it. Pretend like she's saying "I'm thinking about it" and then continue the conversation calmly."

right on the money... damn dani, you're getting this parenting thing right!

just wait till finn hits three. your baby's whisperin' days will be numbered.

but YES. this is exactly right.

Tylan wil be two next month;
He enjoys being put in time out, even hits & asks to be put in his corner! His father is a STRONG believer in spankings, but it breaks my heart thinking of actually hitting my little man. I had to begin tapping his hand, not hard, just to simply get his attention & calm him down long enough to listen and understand what he's doing & why it's wrong.

Quoting Mara:" right on the money... damn dani, you're getting this parenting thing right! just wait till finn hits three. your baby's whisperin' days will be numbered. but YES. this is exactly right. "

thanks.
live and learn
I'll admit I'm better in theory than application though. I still have plenty to work on.
and I hope 3 is not the "terrible twos" that I seemed to have missed for the most part, since everyone is saying "watch out for age 3!" haha

Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old!

She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like she's just honestly forgetting what we've been telling her for a year now, what not to touch, how not to act (tantrums are terrible!) She has been physical with her tantrums, but now she's introducing throwing things, hitting, and a little bit of biting. Consistency is what we thrive on, and we've been VERY strict on that!

Her tantrums include head banging, kicking, hair pulling, screaming, biting, throwing things. She bruises herself a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end.

Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old! She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't ... [snip!] ... a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end."

I think getting to the root of the tantrums is more important for right now. Do you notice a pattern of when she has them? You might want to try keeping a couple of days recorded in a diary so you can see what she's eating, the TV she's watching, the mood you're in, etc, and see if any patterns form.
Tantrums are a way of her trying to communicate with you when she can't verbalise her feelings, so they come out of frustration usually more than anything.

I don't have a ton of specific advice as I'm not at that stage in DD's life yet (only 4 months til her 2nd birthday though, *gulp*), but I do recommend reading 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block', as it really helps you relate to your toddler and understand the reasons for their different behaviours.
I hope another mama in here can give you some more specific advice.

Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" I think getting to the root of the tantrums is more important for right now. Do you notice a pattern ... [snip!] ... and understand the reasons for their different behaviours. I hope another mama in here can give you some more specific advice."

I'm going to have to check that book out. I've seen it suggested before, so it has to be worth it! I think a BIG part of her tantrums are the communication issues we have, but there's always a chance it's something else.

Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" I'm going to have to check that book out. I've seen it suggested before, so it has to be worth it! I ... [snip!] ... it! I think a BIG part of her tantrums are the communication issues we have, but there's always a chance it's something else."

Communication issues sound like the ticket to be honest. The book Playful Parenting looks a lot at how to reconnect with your child, getting on their level, talking to them etc, even after a rough patch.

I am so glad that more and more parents are seeing that they never have to hit their children to teach their children! I have 3 kids and they never hit each other and when we go play with other sibling groups I see a lot of siblings who hit each other and I think it's because they are spanked and see hitting as a viable way to resolve an issue. My kids are not perfect but at least they are not physically aggressive.
I saw on a website, http://www.toddler-tips-and-tricks.com/toddler-discipline.html , where it talked about how the root word of discipline means disciple or pupil. So we need to remember that whatever we do to discipline our children is really all about teaching them, as if they were our pupil. Hitting them is not going to teach them the life skills they need. Consistent, loving, firm parenting will!

Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old! She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't ... [snip!] ... a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end."

without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. What I've found from my personal experience is that flexibility is important too. Instead of always having a consequence for a tantrum, try to get down on her level and talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk or is too far flung in what she is doing, try to give her a hug. If that doesn't calm her down, then give her some space to finish kicking or screaming or whatever she is doing, then try again. If she is physically hurting herself, then hold her in an embrace until she calms down.

At this point, it doesn't sound like punishing her for a tantrum or acting out will help the situation. Instead try to diffuse the situation or let it run it's course and then get to the root of the problem. Why did she get to the point where she had the temper tantrum in the first place? Was she tired? hungry? asking for attention? trying to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts.

Quoting dream:" without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. ... [snip!] ... to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts."

I think a big part of it is trying to tell me something but I don't understand. The speech therapist has also made a good point about trying to "force" her to talk, not in a cruel way, just don't always immediately give her what she wants. Make her work for it, give us some sort of verbal clue, not just pointing and signing. And I think that's setting her off a bit, too, that we're not just giving in to it.

Sometimes, it's that we won't let her walk around in the grocery store, because she's still not that great about holding hands, and listening to us (like don't run away, don't grab things off the shelf, etc.). Or that we won't give her a popsicle until she's had real food. Some things we can compromise on, sure, but it's still that she almost always goes to a tantrum as her backup. Like that will get her what she wants. And we rarely ever give in to it. Most of the time, when she starts flailing about, we do put her in her room, or on the couch, or even in the middle of the floor to let her finish it out, and then we try again.

By the time she's in the tantrum, we can't pull her out of it. And we try talking calmly and distraction, and cooperation in some cases before she reaches that point, but it's just not successful  

Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" I think a big part of it is trying to tell me something but I don't understand. The speech therapist ... [snip!] ... talking calmly and distraction, and cooperation in some cases before she reaches that point, but it's just not successful  "

for the store, get a child harness. I used one with my son for a few months and it was a life saver. totally eliminated the "battle" there as it gives them a little more freedom to walk around without going too far and without you having to hold their hand the whole time.

for other things, always ask yourself if it's worth it. as they say "pick your battles". like not having a popsicle before dinner.

as for the speech thing, I wouldn't "force"her to try and talk more than she already does. I know you didn't mean it like FORCE it, but still, if she can communicate what she wants in SOME way and you understand her, then just encourage her, but don't without what she's asking for. like if she points and the book and you say: do you want the book? and she points again and nods, then just say "ok, here is the book. BOOK. see, can you say "book"?" Give her the opportunity to say it, but still give her the book right away. she's still young. she'll learn.

I need help in learning to control my temper I guess... I feel like when I have spanked DS in the past that it was more about how I was getting frustrated with his behavior than the actual behavior itself. I saw something just a few posts back about keeping a journal/diary and I haven't tried it yet but I think I might have to try this for potty training AND non-spanking. So to whoever mentioned that thanks.