re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" hello everyone ... I must say since I decided to be a non spanking parent I feel much better ..,but lately ... [snip!] ... soon..... I need some advice on how to disciplined my kids the right way. with out hit them or threatening to hit them....."

It takes time to break habits, so keep that in mind and don't get discouraged.

In a situation where your first reaction would be to hit / spank, count to five and take a deep breath and THEN react. Often if we just take those few seconds before instantly reacting, then we can control our actions and take a "softer" action instead, like talking to the child or removing them from the situation they are in.

Quoting SKANT:" <blockquote><b>Quoting dream:</b>" My DH believes in spanking, but I just continue ... [snip!] ... the same thing but then he turns around and says that I'm trying to tell him what he can and can't do with his children. "

that's true and there's nothing wrong with that. You're telling him he can't hit or harm his child.

Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" hello everyone ... I must say since I decided to be a non spanking parent I feel much better ..,but lately ... [snip!] ... soon..... I need some advice on how to disciplined my kids the right way. with out hit them or threatening to hit them....."

A few responses above yours, I answered this same question for someone else.

Ask questions if you have any more specific questions  .

So my "friend" on facebook is always posting these pictures. One showed a kid getting spank and it said "Its called parenting, you should try it sometime!" and the one she posted today showed a man spanking a boy over his knee & it said something like "You wonder why we didn't hear about school shootings a long time ago."
She knows I'm against spanking, I posted an article about how its linked to some mental disorders a while ago (to which she said "I hate it when people say smurf like that!" & since then shes been posting pro-spanking things daily.
I commented on the picture and sent her a link of school shootings from the 1700's to now and she went off on me. "I bet none of those psycho's got their ass beat either!... If you don't like it don't look!"
I told her I just dont like people spreading lies that make other people want to beat their kids so they wont become psychopaths.
I deleted her of course so I would have to look any more. lol

Quoting Miss-Maia's Mommy:" So my "friend" on facebook is always posting these pictures. One showed a kid getting spank and it said ... [snip!] ... people want to beat their kids so they wont become psychopaths. I deleted her of course so I would have to look any more. lol "

What a bitch .....excuse my language but I hate when people do things like that .... My mom always tries to tell me that my son needs to be scared of me if I want him to listen to me ..... and I always get criticized about treating my baby like a baby..... I'm not going to be a hypocrite either I have slipped up and smacked his hand and his butty but I haven't in a while now I just need to work on my choice of words and volume of my voice when I am mad .... but NE ways back to the subject I can't stand ignorant people and hate when people give me unwanted advise....

Just a question for anyone reading this ..... My son was always getting picked on so my husband started to show him how to fight by play fighting with him... Since my son was born they would watch cage fighting and boxing it was one of the few things that kept him entertained and I know its a sport ......but my son is barely going to be 2 on Aug 31 and to him boxing or fighting is a fun game ... now he hits us and kicks us then squares off and we would play with him let him think he won which at first was cute but now I'm 2 weeks away from my due date I don't want him to hit the new much smaller baby
How do I teach him that there's a time and place ??

Quoting Miss-Maia's Mommy:" So my "friend" on facebook is always posting these pictures. One showed a kid getting spank and it said ... [snip!] ... people want to beat their kids so they wont become psychopaths. I deleted her of course so I would have to look any more. lol "

I would have deleted her too or at least taken her news off my newsfeed, depending on other things. Some people are just very set in their ways. that was nice of you to try and offer some other points though. Even if she disregards it, sometimes people do think about those things later, privately.

Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" What a bitch .....excuse my language but I hate when people do things like that .... My mom always tries ... [snip!] ... away from my due date I don't want him to hit the new much smaller baby How do I teach him that there's a time and place ?? "

ouch. tough question. I think the first thing to do is to stop letting him watch those shows. Then you'll have to start re-teaching him that hitting is not appropriate and not nice. I'm not really sure why someone would let a 2yr old watch those things or teach them that in the first place (nothing against your husband, it just doesn't make sense to me personally). It will probably take awhile to undo what he has already learned.

I guess you could put it in the context of being a sport and tell him it's only appropriate "in the ring" if he is participating in that sport, but it's not ok at home. I'm sure you'll probably have to watch him carefully around the baby. My son never hits and I still have to watch him around the baby (my son is 29m and the baby is 2m now) to make sure he's gentle enough with him.

Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" What a bitch .....excuse my language but I hate when people do things like that .... My mom always tries ... [snip!] ... away from my due date I don't want him to hit the new much smaller baby How do I teach him that there's a time and place ?? "

Just teach him babies are fragile and to be gentle. My daughter doesn't watch Tv but we sure rough house a lot. We've never had an issue with her being aggressive with her little brother, playing or otherwise. I think he can learn the distinction easily between a helpless baby and an adult who wants to rough house.

Same way he wouldn't walk up to baby and ask him to read him a book, he wouldn't walk up to him and ask him to fight.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Just teach him babies are fragile and to be gentle. My daughter doesn't watch Tv but we sure rough ... [snip!] ... house. Same way he wouldn't walk up to baby and ask him to read him a book, he wouldn't walk up to him and ask him to fight."

You make a good point he's really good with other kids unless one of the other kids hits him one too many times or keeps taking his toys ... we showed him to defend him self because if another kid bit him, pushed him, or hit him..... he would just cry and hide behind me but there was really not much i could do besides tell the other kid no or be nice "can't disciplined a kid that's not yours" Its nice to know that were not the only parents that rough house.

I have officially stopped spanking!

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" I have officially stopped spanking!"

Whoowhoo! Congrats mama!

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Whoowhoo! Congrats mama!"

Thank you! I found myself spanking her roughly once a week when I felt frustrated with her and I was determined to stop. We have been a few weeks with no spanking!

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" Thank you! I found myself spanking her roughly once a week when I felt frustrated with her and I was determined to stop. We have been a few weeks with no spanking!"

That's good ... I remember people telling me it takes a lot of patients to raise a child .... I would say yea yea I know I know ... I didn't know anything ...

Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" That's good ... I remember people telling me it takes a lot of patients to raise a child .... I would say yea yea I know I know ... I didn't know anything ... "

That's the best advice I've never heard. lol The only advice I got was, "You're gonna have to get a job now."
I wish I had someone close by to support me. I was always the one to sit back and watch everyone blow up on each other at home. I remember thinking about how stupid they all were for turning a small problem into a huge, plate throwing, "I'm leaving!" fight. And now with seeing my brother always so mad at his kids, spanking them for not staying still for a butt change & telling them to shut up. It annoys me, I always knew I couldn't be that way. Everyone thinks I'm stupid for it though like my kids going to end up in jail for not being "disciplined." Why do the majority of people not understand the concept or see that it's wrong? My real question is why do so many people think all kids are bad & annoying? The moment a mother actually believes their kid is bad and out to destroy their life is the moment they lose my respect. People need to understand that children are only learning, they dont become all knowing and evil by their first birthday. When they dump their food on the floor its just because they want to see what it does. They dont know it wont disappear next time or that gravity is pulling it down. And they dont know their parents as much as most think they should. So they test us to see how we react. When you react calmly & positively, you raise a calm, positive child. When you react loud and angry, you raise a loud, angry child.
Unless of course they have 5 siblings and just sit back and try to understand people like I did. lol But nobody wants their kid to think they're stupid.

Quoting Miss-Maia's Mommy:" That's the best advice I've never heard. lol The only advice I got was, "You're gonna have to get a ... [snip!] ... 5 siblings and just sit back and try to understand people like I did. lol But nobody wants their kid to think they're stupid. "

I agree but I must admit I do yell to much I really have to work on my temper ..... He's about to be two and he thinks he's invincible I get super bad anxiety and scream no!! what the hell are you doing !?! He tried to eat a thumb tack today, I caught him about to jump into the pool the other day, and he is for ever trying to do dangerous stunts ..... but over all my boy is such sweet and smart little guy ... and from what I hear he is easy to take of ... apparently he only acts up with us (mom &dad). ... the best advice I've ever heard was ... excuse my language .... "Smurf everyone it's about your kid now ....." I didn't get it back then but I sure do now