re: Non-Spanking Mamas / Gentle Discipline Support Thread

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama*AtoZ:</b>" haha yeh M is so in your face with it too, people look at me funny. He gets upset if people don't respond ... [snip!] ... quiet) room to me "What's man doing? is he doing a poo?" lol. I love how they don't quite have social etiquette down yet  "</blockquote>




Haha...that is so funny. I can't wait until J really starts talking.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" Lmao way to call a guy out for going to the bathroom. I love her lack of social etiquette too. She ... [snip!] ... what your big teeth doin' here?" I couldn't stop laughing cuz it was so random. She's always asking what things are doin' here."</blockquote>




I love it when older people interact positively with children. She sounds so cute.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Lmao way to call a guy out for going to the bathroom. I love her lack of social etiquette too. She ... [snip!] ... what your big teeth doin' here?" I couldn't stop laughing cuz it was so random. She's always asking what things are doin' here."

aww that's great. I'm sure Finn will have lots to say to me when he gets to that stage of talking. lol

Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" Hahaha, aim high! Maybe a call centre operator or something, they're supposed to stay polite even when people ignore them haha."

Lol, I know, I say A should be a greeter at Wal Mart and DH gets all defensive and says she could OWN Wal Mart if she wanted. But if she's good at greeting...then she should do what she loves, hahaha.

http://forums.naturalparenting.com.au/gentle-guidance/41932-smacking-shaming-timeout-reward-systems-info-alternatives.html

This is cram packed with info, research, articles and practical advice all about punitive parenting and breaking from it.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" I think it's about using your own self discipline as a parent to get on the same team as your child."

i concur.

i don't want a battle in my home... that's not why i had a child.

Anti-spanking mama here.
I have a beautiful 13 month old son and I could never imagine putting my hands on him in a violent matter, ever.
I remember I smacked his had once because he kept trying to pinch, and afterwards I felt so bad I cried, even though he was fine.
I was "disciplined" by being hit as a child, and I remember just feeling fear all the time. Scared that one wrong move would result with a belt across my ass. That's not how I want my children to feel.

Anti-spanking mama here.
I have a beautiful 13 month old son and I could never imagine putting my hands on him in a violent matter, ever.
I remember I smacked his had once because he kept trying to pinch, and afterwards I felt so bad I cried, even though he was fine.
I was "disciplined" by being hit as a child, and I remember just feeling fear all the time. Scared that one wrong move would result with a belt across my ass. That's not how I want my children to feel.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JackieMarie:</b>" Anti-spanking mama here. I have a beautiful 13 month old son and I could never imagine putting my hands ... [snip!] ... all the time. Scared that one wrong move would result with a belt across my ass. That's not how I want my children to feel."</blockquote>




Hi there!   I also don't want my son to have to worry about being hit. Though I was spanked on occasion I still remember those few times and I don't want him to be grown up and remembering that time he was hit.

I never spank or hit my children... I am a survivor of abuse as a child and an adult..... i refuse to let it be like that for my kids.... I actually get into arguments with my fiance's family because they all believe in spanking..... so as a result they don't watch my kids because I am not that parent and I never will be. I do time outs and make my kiddo's sit where ever they are and that actually they feel breaks their hearts because one will see the other playing and it gets the point across without any physical contact, then we talk about what they did so they know what they did was wrong and there are apologies said, hugs and kisses, and they go back to playing... and they know it doesn't matter if we are home or in a store or at someones house, they break rules, they sit... It works, people are so surprised with how good my kids are and their manners are great too.

I come from a VERY physically and emotionally abusive mother. I vowed never to hit my kids. I am ashamed to say that I have fallen off of the non-spanking path recently and have resorted to spanking a couple of times.


Today I left to go to the store right down the street so I left DD with my step mom and when I came back, she said she had to spank Dawn while I was gone. I LOST IT! She said that she didn't realize that she wasn't supposed to spank her. What gives you the right to hit my child!

I realized that I was leading by example.

I need help ladies. Stress is getting to me and I am renewing my vow to continue non-spanking. Someone please tell me that I'm not a horrible mother and I can redeem myself. DD just turned 3.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" I come from a VERY physically and emotionally abusive mother. I vowed never to hit my kids. I am ashamed ... [snip!] ... vow to continue non-spanking. Someone please tell me that I'm not a horrible mother and I can redeem myself. DD just turned 3."

You're not a horrible mother! The fact that you KNOW what you want to do and feel so bad that you strayed from it proves that.
I can't give you much advice because my daughter is only 18m, but some of the mamas in here have kids closer to your DD's age. What are some scenarios that make you more stressed out than others? Why do you think she behaves the way she does sometimes?

Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" You're not a horrible mother! The fact that you KNOW what you want to do and feel so bad that you strayed ... [snip!] ... What are some scenarios that make you more stressed out than others? Why do you think she behaves the way she does sometimes?"

Sometimes it's just that she refuses to do what she is told. I know that it's just her age and there are better ways to deal with her than spanking.

Quoting Devil's Advocate:" I come from a VERY physically and emotionally abusive mother. I vowed never to hit my kids. I am ashamed ... [snip!] ... vow to continue non-spanking. Someone please tell me that I'm not a horrible mother and I can redeem myself. DD just turned 3."

i auto-spanked max... and i have named myself a non-spanking advocate.

but ... i did it. i raised my hand to him in frustration... and w/ one stinging swat on his bare-butt found myself in that position... he cried, stopped being an evil kicking child demon and i apologized and said i got too angry.

we've discussed spanking as something that happens when people get upset -- b/c it's happened.

i'm not making any excuses here, but the swift instinctual reaction to his misbehavior -- pretty much before thought even had occurred, was astonishing to me.

i just grabbed his wrist, whirled him around and planted my hand on his ass like i'd been doing this since i was knee-high to a grass hopper. and i've never done it to anyone in my life!

i think the best you can do is get yourself into a frame of mind about the personhood of your child, about what's realistic from them developmentally, why their irritating behaviors are sensible in the context of their lives... and mostly just challenge yourself to adapt and be patient w/ their struggle to understand and gain control over their worlds, b/c they're growing so much faster than you realize.

i think remembering your own childhood can help you realize how tough and strange it is to be a child... it helps me.

consequences must be doled out in a logical manner -- in accordance w/ the behavior, but violence shouldn't ever be part of that.

anything specific you're having difficulty w/?

Quoting Mara:" i auto-spanked max... and i have named myself a non-spanking advocate. but ... i did it. i raised my ... [snip!] ... in accordance w/ the behavior, but violence shouldn't ever be part of that. anything specific you're having difficulty w/? "

Thank you, Mara. You are always so helpful. I found myself doing it when after the 1000000th time of me telling her to do something with no change and time-out wasn't working either.