Advice, what would you do??

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I really don't know what to do.
Roman's father became abusive while I was about 3 months pregnant, right before our wedding. I called off the wedding, but stuck with him, stupidily thinking he will change once the baby got here. Wrong. He pushed me and slapped me again when our baby was a week old. I called the cops, he went to jail, got bailed out the next day. I have let him see Roman a few times. We meet up at the mall so we're in a public place  He has told me he wants to make it up to me and be with his family again some day. I basically just told him if he ever wanted another chance, he would have to go to anger management, counseling, get a good job and keep it and show a huge improvement.... that would take AT LEAST 2 years.

Well, last Saturday he called BEGGING to see Roman, I told him we could go to the mall Sunday, like we usually do. I wait for him to call all day, he didn't call at all. So he missed his chance this week to see him. Now every day after that, he has called begging to hang out. I say no, you can see him Sunday coming up. He doesn't get why I'm "keeping his son from him" It's not like he was doing anything important on the day he didn't call. He doesn't have a job. He was hanging out with friends. I think I am being more than fair by saying he can see him this Sunday.

UNTIL last night. He called a  few times saying he really wants to see Roman. I tell him AGAIN you can on SUNDAY. I then get a text message saying, "Hey this is Kitti I just want you to know that Brandon and I are kind of talking... I would really appreciate it if you would leave him alone. Thanks"
I reply, "LOL okay  tell him to leave me alone, bitch." I know I probably shouldn't have called her names but dang, wtf? That came out of NOWHERE and he has been the one calling me!! I don't call him and I ignore more than half of his calls! She says, "Are you fuckin kidding me? All you ever do is nag him and treat him like shit. I'm tired of hearing it. I was trying to be nice but fuck you. Just leave him alone."

He called back a few more times. I'm not going to answer at all anymore.If he seriously wants to see our son, he can go to the court house and get an order for visitation. 

Am I wrong for this?? What would you do?

Sounds like the right thing to do. It seems to be a very violate situation that could become very dangerous at any point.

restraining order.

If he wanted to see his kid that bad, he'd take the anger manegment classes.

Not at all! I wouldn't put up with it either. If i was u,he would be lucky if i ever let him see his son again.

Quoting jessica-burke:“ Sounds like the right thing to do. It seems to be a very violate situation that could become very dangerous at any point.”

Agreed! Let the courts handle it. He needs a strong dose of "grow the hell up!"

Quoting &ra ♥ Rome:“ I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I really don't know what to do. Roman's father became ... [snip!] ... wants to see our son, he can go to the court house and get an order for visitation. Am I wrong for this?? What would you do?”

I don't think you're wrong. He is obviously telling this chick lies about you.

Quoting Hoping for that boy!:“ Agreed! Let the courts handle it. He needs a strong dose of "grow the hell up!"”

Yeah, and honestly. I doubt he will go through that trouble. I'm just going to pretend that he dropped off the planet and not even acknowledge my phone ringing when he calls. 

Quoting Colleen13:“ I don't think you're wrong. He is obviously telling this chick lies about you.”

Yeah apparently. It makes me soo mad. I mean its only been 2 months and he can just move on that fast? I hate men. As much as I am furious at Brandon right now, he was still a biiiig part of my life and I at one point loved him. I couldn't even think about moving on any time soon. 

Sounds like thats what he needs,..& the hitting thing isnt safe for you or the enviornment of your child to be around either,..Glad you left him and still tried to make things so he can see his son but the other female was WAY out of line,...Court system it is though,..Some people gotta learn the hard way

Quoting &ra ♥ Rome:“ Yeah, and honestly. I doubt he will go through that trouble. I'm just going to pretend that he dropped off the planet and not even acknowledge my phone ringing when he calls.”

Well good for you and Roman. If he wants to ba a useless douche, I would let him. Boys are retarded.

I think you are doing the absolute right thing. Most women should be like you and take a stand for themselves and their child. I think you should definitely get court orders so he cannot keep calling and bothering you to see his son. He's an ASSSHOLE and you rock for not putting up with it.

My ex was abusive and he pulled a lot of that crap about how he was changing and all of that. He acknowledged the past abuse and said he wanted to work on making things better, but he couldn't afford counseling or anger management. Then, someone told his mother he had been abusive and he flipped out and then sued me.

If at some point he does want to make things right, I think it is a really good idea to require at least two years and there is something called a Batterer Intervention Program that is a lot more intensive than anger management. My DV counselor told me about it, and from the sounds of it Roman's father could really use it. It addresses the underlying issues of power and control instead of just the temper. I would also say make sure that he is open to everyone about the way he has been, not just to you, that is one of the signs of recovery and if he can't honestly talk to anyone about what has happened then odds are the same thing will happen again.

I would recommend sending him an email saying you want all further contact to be through email (that way it can be documented to the court if it came to that) and set up one day a week where he can see Roman for two hours supervised by someone other than you. Keep a record of any contact you have in writing as well as whether he actually visits with Roman on those days, what the visits were like and if he was late. Even if you don't think he'll bother with court (I didn't think my son's father would) it is best to be prepared. If he is getting his one visit a week and still took it to court the judge is really not going to like him. From the sounds of it he probably wouldn't even show up to the visits anyway which will look great for you if he had them offered but chose not to come.

If he continues to harass you at all, get a restraining order immediately. That will both protect you and help in court if you ever had to deal with that. Hopefully you're right and he won't bother, but it never hurts to be safe.

Sorry this is so long, I am just dealing with court now and that's what I have learned. I never in a million years thought Connor's father would sue. He was never interested in Connor throughout my pregnancy, has never contributed anything for him, has never seen him since he was born (he's 4 months) and never asked about him. To him, suing was a way to get back at me for leaving him.

Just remember you want to get everything in writing! Start keeping a log and also try to save your texts from him.