I'm ready to pull my hair out.

My SO has an 8 yr old son that we have full time. I have a 5 yr old daughter that we also have full time. His son has some big issues.
1. His mother is not in his life and hasn't been in his life for almost 4 yrs. I'm not sure how much he remembers about her.
2. He was in 3rd grade and was failing so they pushed him back to 2nd grade 2 weeks ago.
3. He is now seeing a therapist once a week due to talking about death, he hates himself, etc.
4. We are having a baby due in March and he is not accepting it very well.
5. He doesn't act his age his mentality is on the level of my daughters age range.

He has anger issues. He doesn't respect people. He doesn't mind.

Before we lived together I only spent a couple hours at a time with him due to me living in another state .. but after we moved in together I was in pure shock. We have lived together for 7 months and it seems it is only getting worse. He is super jealous of my daughter cause she gets help doing things at times that he is capable of doing alone. Its like he is having an issue growing up.

I stay in a bad mood all the time because of him and his attitude and I discipline him thinking something will finally click that he isn't allowed to act the way he does but its like he doesnt even care. I'm scared he is going to snap when the baby gets here and hurt himself or one of us. I really love my SO I plan on marrying him, but I don't know if I can take this much longer. Anyone have this issue or been through it before??
Also do you have 8 yr old boys?? how do they act?

He sounds like he has issues (obv) but I think you need to take it upon yourself to take him out, just the two of you, and do some 'mother' son bonding, since you basically are his mother now.

You guys need to establish a good schedule and make it feel like a father, mother, and children home so that he feels secure. The schedule will help SO much too! Everyone just wants to feel loved and accepted. . try to do that for him.

Quoting Brycen&Livi ♥:“ He sounds like he has issues (obv) but I think you need to take it upon yourself to take him out, just ... [snip!] ... he feels secure. The schedule will help SO much too! Everyone just wants to feel loved and accepted. . try to do that for him.”

I agree.

Has the counseling seem to be helping him OP?

Quoting Brycen&Livi ♥:“ He sounds like he has issues (obv) but I think you need to take it upon yourself to take him out, just ... [snip!] ... he feels secure. The schedule will help SO much too! Everyone just wants to feel loved and accepted. . try to do that for him.”

      

I agre Ally.

  what can I say?
I am all knowing. .

I think with a child like that you have to bend to them to help them. He needs you to baby him in some ways, not all the time but some times...he would need to see that love him as well as you duaghter. Its like when a newbaby comes into the home and the first child becomes jelouse and reverts back into a baby.
Like you said hes jelouseof your duaghter because shes getting help and hes not.
If hes that deppressed maybe you could just try and become closer to him, never having his mother in his life and her abandoning him would really be hard on a little guy. Maybe you cold take him out to lunch, just you and him and to the park after ever once in while.

Quoting M e g a n♥KDV[PTM]:“ I agree. Has the counseling seem to be helping him OP?”

not really.. he's been going for about 2 months and now he gets irritated and asks to see his therapist. He won't talk to any of us about what is going on with him. I worry about him constantly.

Quoting rahrahretro:“ not really.. he's been going for about 2 months and now he gets irritated and asks to see his therapist. He won't talk to any of us about what is going on with him. I worry about him constantly.”

Is there any way you and your SO can go in with him when he talks to his therapist?

Quoting Brycen&Livi ♥:“ He sounds like he has issues (obv) but I think you need to take it upon yourself to take him out, just ... [snip!] ... he feels secure. The schedule will help SO much too! Everyone just wants to feel loved and accepted. . try to do that for him.”

we are doing this already.. the therapist reccommended it. It isn't helping.. he knows I'm not his mom and lets me know i'm not his mom and I tell him that if he doesn't want to call me mom thats completely fine that i just want to be his friend and someone he can come to and talk about things.
I think it probably hurts him that his mother left him (she got abandonment charges due to drugging him and leaving him in a house locked up) and he sees me with my daughter and it upsets him which is completely understandable. Plus he was an only child til we came into the picture.

Quoting rahrahretro:“ not really.. he's been going for about 2 months and now he gets irritated and asks to see his therapist. He won't talk to any of us about what is going on with him. I worry about him constantly.”

Thats not good if hes asking to see his therapist and not wanting to talk to you. I know sometimes with children you can sit in with the therapist, start doing that a few times....so hes comfortable with talking about his problems around you than eventually to you.

Quoting Bonita_Mariposa (R.I.P So:“ I think with a child like that you have to bend to them to help them. He needs you to baby him in some ... [snip!] ... be hard on a little guy. Maybe you cold take him out to lunch, just you and him and to the park after ever once in while.”

I take him out every other weekend (thats when I'm off from work). I take him and SO takes my daughter and we have bonding time. He definitely resist me unless my daughter is with my parents for a weekend or something.. thats the ONLY time he is loving towards me. He has said before that he wishes his dad would be with someone that didn't have kids.

Quoting rahrahretro:“ I take him out every other weekend (thats when I'm off from work). I take him and SO takes my daughter ... [snip!] ... the ONLY time he is loving towards me. He has said before that he wishes his dad would be with someone that didn't have kids.”

That's sad.

Quoting Bonita_Mariposa (R.I.P So:“ Thats not good if hes asking to see his therapist and not wanting to talk to you. I know sometimes with ... [snip!] ... start doing that a few times....so hes comfortable with talking about his problems around you than eventually to you.”

The therapist relays to us what is going on and what he thinks will be best to start working on....
when he got moved back to 2nd grade it hurt him so bad because he felt he was "stupid" and people would make fun of him and we tried to explain to him that he wasn't stupid at all he was just learning differently than the other children... then we went to my daughters parent/teacher conference and all they talk about was how she is more on a 1st grade level and bored in her kindergarten class and were talking about moving her up.. so he started acting really depressed after that. He is having a hard time in 2nd grade too... we are starting to think he may have a learning disability and he is going to be tested for that.

Quoting bia.:“ That's sad.”

 

Quoting bia.:“ That's sad.”

yeah its extremely sad.. it makes me feel awful.. he has told us before that people ask him why he lives with all white people and he is tan (his mother is black)... I think that is making him feel akward too.. kids can be cruel.