The other side of breastfeeding (no one tells you about)

I asked this question about 9 months ago, but I have never really discussed it since then. I think I may feel some shame about the entire thing, or like I somehow fail as a mom. I hate that for some reason I have been thinking that I am alone in this problem.

When my daughter was born I was determined to breastfeed her "Breast is Best" bla, bla, bla. From the moment she latched on I H-A-T-E-D every part of it. Not for the reasons that other breastfeeding mothers like to judge me by, but I had this awful suicidal postpartum depression that made me dread feeding her EVERY SINGLE time until she was over 6 months.I can't describe that emotion, but think the love and bonding that you have for the baby when they nurse and shoot for the polar opposite. I tried many many things like happy programs on the TV, my favorite music, chatting online while I pumped. Nothing worked I wanted to hurt myself the moment she would start to eat.

I am due again in April and I am not worried about birth, just feeding this new baby. I mean I have 23 weeks left and can't think of how I willpsych myself into it again.I have bad dreams about nursing.

Is there a name for this condition? I have tried to google it and nothing seems to fit. Can anyone suggest a solution? I called a lactation consultant and she told me to try BFing and see. I just like to find out all that I can before I am faced with the same issue.

This is my thread from LAST february if you care.

http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about493453.html

Whoops sorry didnt mean to post a blank..

Anyway I think you should try breastfeeding again because it releases the feel good hormone oxytocin, which could calm your nerves and help with pp depression.. I think if you at least try you wont feel like you're failing your baby. But if you go through the same feelings as you did the first time, you shouldnt continue because that would just be silly to put you or your baby in danger all because of breastfeeding. A happy mommy makes a happy baby, boobie or no boobie =]

Yea it just sounds like a psychological issue. I think if you really feel that way about it you shouldn't do it. You can try it again this time and see if you have the same feelings though.

I don't think I said that I was not feeling lazy about the process. I really would have BFed her until she went to college if I could have. 

I hated breastfeeding too  
only because I stopped producing milk for some reason.. and I kept trying and trying and eventually gave up. So thats why I hated it...I succussfully breastfed 2 months though atleastand thelast month was breast/formula until I stopped completely. I regret giving up but it seemed not matter how much I pumped or fed herit wasnt coming back  

I am a breastfeeding mom but if you feel that badly, maybe you should just formula feed your new LO. Its just as important to have a happy healthy momas to have a baby being breastfed. Good Luck momma!

I do understand the failing as a mom feeling althoughI am not comparing to your depression.I had to start supplementing my son at 4 months. He only gets 1 bottle of formula, 3 days a week while Im working and I took it as a personal failure and I was totally devestated about it.

Quoting MissImEricka:“ I asked this question about 9 months ago, but I have never really discussed it since then. I think I ... [snip!] ... am faced with the same issue. This is my thread from LAST february if you care. http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about493453.html”

I had Bf'ing issues as well
If I were you, I wouldn't bother at all. I don't care if people want to trash me for saying this, but your lo will survive if you choose formula. And strangely enough, I did not yet go to hell for FF'ing my lo  

Quoting GiannasMomma:“ Yea it just sounds like a psychological issue. I think if you really feel that way about it you shouldn't do it. You can try it again this time and see if you have the same feelings though.”

Yes it was weird! I had little control over this rush of emotion that I would have when I would feed her. I even thought that my epinepherine was malfunctioning. I wish there was a medical term for this problem.

i think the only thing you can do is hope this is differnt. hope you dont get ppd again.

i fear so much that when i have another kid i will fail at bf again. last time i lost my supply due to hormose inbalance and i still think that some how it was my fault. its not the same as what you went through but all i think is that the next child i will feel so inferior and it hurts when i think about feeling that way again. i think all you really can do is keep telling yourself it wont be the same, and hope its the truth.

i wish i could offer more help.

Hi! I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 11 months now. I know what you mean about the feeling of depression when I nurse. In the beginning i would get a sad depressed feeling when she would nurse. I think it is just from all of the hormones released when BF. Although the feeling was intense at times, I just kept nursing her because I knew thats what she liked, and needed most. Now 11 months after she is born, I love nursing her and will nurse her till shes two. I still get that depressed feeling at times, but i know its only temporary. Goodluck mama.

Quoting amanda_mommy:“ i think the only thing you can do is hope this is differnt. hope you dont get ppd again. i fear so ... [snip!] ... all you really can do is keep telling yourself it wont be the same, and hope its the truth. i wish i could offer more help.”

NO NO this is all help! I was even asking my OB today about what he thought and he toild me that his wife had PPD so bad that she did it for 2 weeks with each baby.

I know that my baby is not behind from the formula that I have given to her. (sort of the opposite) but it still gives me this feeling of guilt. Ughhhhh!! I hate that I am worried about this MONTHS before I should be!!  

That's EXACTLY how I feel when my husband tries to "latch on"!! Seriously! J/K   I'm sorry.. I know you posted seriously so I will give you a serious answer. Don't feel pressured into breast feeding if it doesn't feel right for you. If you think you want to give it a go after the birth and it just doesn't feel right after a couple of weeks or however you want to try then switch to formula. No one wants you to feel suicidal while trying to BF...

Quoting Rebekahs_Mommy:“ Hi! I have been breastfeeding my daughter for 11 months now. I know what you mean about the feeling of ... [snip!] ... and will nurse her till shes two. I still get that depressed feeling at times, but i know its only temporary. Goodluck mama.”

My IRL friend was telling me that after 8 months it got easier for her too. I sort of stopped even night time feedings when I got pregnant again. I lost about 15 pounds and had no energy to even feed myslef let alone keep doing this thing that made me want to die.

I am one huge hormonal wreck.  

Quoting MissImEricka:“ NO NO this is all help! I was even asking my OB today about what he thought and he toild me that his ... [snip!] ... but it still gives me this feeling of guilt. Ughhhhh!! I hate that I am worried about this MONTHS before I should be!!  ”

i really think all you can do is try not to put too much stress on yourself about it. i think acceptance is the only way to make things enjoyable. when i was pregnant i had this whole vaginal birth with pain meds and great labor planned. all the way till i was 30 weeks and then i found i had to have a c-section. i felt like such a failure. but then i realized it was best for all of us. it was the safest most "enjoyable" way to do this and i took it as a lesson. all you can do is try and if it doesnt work than do what it best for all parties. if you have the same trouble bfing then a happy mom who finds it easier to bond with her baby is better than one who has to force herself to do something that she hates. really all you can do is be optomistic right now.

Quoting amanda_mommy:“ i really think all you can do is try not to put too much stress on yourself about it. i think acceptance ... [snip!] ... is better than one who has to force herself to do something that she hates. really all you can do is be optomistic right now.”

Oh my god, AMEN. That was so well put.  

Ok, so I am going to give it a whirl and if it is the same deal formula is the key.