not sure what im asking for here...

PLEASE do not quote. thank you. =D

Okay i have a sitation.
my SO has been having some health issues that basically prevents him from having sex [no he doesn't need viagra. he can get it up. but the ACT of sex is the problem... even if he just lays there and i do all the work. it still hurts him]
something with his back.. he has pain in his testicle [i think it make be a hernia but im not dr] but his back also.. the pain radiates down his legs, his testicles, down to his feet. weird i know.

but either way.. we cant have sex.
in the last 2-3 months we have maybe 3 times. the first two times he got so sick [he had a virus at the time] he puked 1/2 way through. the second time he had to stop becasue he couldn't breathe [ i was on top but he was coughing ]
and the last time was fine but that was before this new back/ball pain arose.

okay well enough of that.
i KNOW i should be supportive. i AM and i am concerned about his health... i really really am... but at the same time, its important to me to have a healthy intimate relationship with your partner... and we dont have an intimate relationship at ALL... it makes me feel distant or something.. when i try to explain this to him.. he just thinks im complaining that we dont have sex... but im NOT! there are ways for us to be intimate w/o sex.. but he jsut thinks im putting blame on him for not being able to give it to me.

thats not the case.
its starting to effect us..

i was just telling him that i was thinking about saving 40 dollars and not filling my birth control for the month til he can get into the dr and figure out whats going on w/ him... and he took that the wrong way and it upset him.

idk what kind of advice im seeking here.... how to deal with it i guess. b/c yes i am supportive of him but i have needs =[ but i dont want to be selfish and ask so i dont.. but i do miss HIM and feeling CLOSE to him... im not asking him for sex.. im asking him to turn the damn TV off and be with me for a while.. but he just then thinks i want sex and then it turns into an arguement b/c he feels bad he cant . blah blah..
or maybe how i feel that closeness w/ him w/o sex?


idk... help =[


[and yes i know what its like to not have sex.. my last relationship we never had sex after kaleb was born b/c i never wanted it... i want it now! my sex drive is back... this relationship is NEW.. like 6 months new... i dont feel we're in that 'idc about sex' stage just yet...]

Has he made an appt. yet? He needs to do that ASAP because it could be something really wrong. Just explain it to him - guys don't get subtetly, so you'll have to spell it out. You don't just want sex, you want intimacy. You just want to cuddle, hold hands, snuggle, etc...and don't need it to lead to sex. He's going to feel bad regardless, because sex = power to guys and he feels totally worthless right now. Good luck, I hope he's ok.

instead of bringing up the lack of intimacy... try planning things for the two of you to do instead...
a romantic dinner, dancing (if he can)
a Snuggly Movie night- or book to read together
go to a park with a camra, take pictures and spend time decorating a photo album together..
go on a drive with the raido OFF and talk while you explore the city/country
go out to the movies and snuggle/make out in the dark like teenagers..

all the while NOT bringing up the S word at all..

after a while, he will be sure that isnt what you want form him... try talking about his health issues then.. and when you do (a WHILE out) focus on ways to HELP him get better so that you can go and do more ACTIVITIES- not jsut sex.


Good luck!

Quoting Noah and Grace Mommy:“ Has he made an appt. yet? He needs to do that ASAP because it could be something really wrong. Just explain ... [snip!] ... going to feel bad regardless, because sex = power to guys and he feels totally worthless right now. Good luck, I hope he's ok.”

i did! i was like... cuddle with me damnit.
he's just one of those guys who wants to be all mightey do-er of all things... he wnats to be able to do everything... including this. and its reallly making him feel like crap..


he's making an appt this week.
he has had tons of issues with insurance.
but hopefully in the next few days it'll all be sorted out so he can finally go

I would say he needs to get to the doctor asap. If you don't have the money, pawn stuff. Try getting a sex toy to play with or see if he will do oral on you. (if you are into that.) And give each other massages and things of that sort! I hope it's nothing too serious and hope things get better for yall.

Quoting LoveMyChubbyBubby:“ i did! i was like... cuddle with me damnit. he's just one of those guys who wants to be all mightey ... [snip!] ... he has had tons of issues with insurance. but hopefully in the next few days it'll all be sorted out so he can finally go”

My husband is the same way. He feels like he HAS to be able to "fix" everything himself. It has taken a long time for him to understand that he doesn't have to be that way! I hope he gets to the doc soon and it's nothing serious. Good luck with everything!

Quoting Mari'sTittyBar:“ instead of bringing up the lack of intimacy... try planning things for the two of you to do instead... ... [snip!] ... do (a WHILE out) focus on ways to HELP him get better so that you can go and do more ACTIVITIES- not jsut sex. Good luck!”

we do try... its jsut so hard with two kids and 2 full time jobs.

but thats a whole seperate issue lol.
even if we could have sex the whole intimate thing would be missing in some ways because basically no damn time!

but we do try.
i told him all i want for chirstmas is a day alonnnneee with him w/ no kids and nothing on the to do list.

Quoting Noah and Grace Mommy:“ My husband is the same way. He feels like he HAS to be able to "fix" everything himself. It has taken ... [snip!] ... that he doesn't have to be that way! I hope he gets to the doc soon and it's nothing serious. Good luck with everything!”

alot of men seem to be that way but ive never been with someone like that... its sweet.. it really is.. but annoying too.
like for example lastnight i was bitching about the dog b/c she's always up my ass... i was like omg get away from me damnit!! and he says. 'ok we'll get rid of her' WTF i dont wana get rid of her i just want to be able to get comfortable w/o her laying on my legs lol.

Quoting LoveMyChubbyBubby:“ we do try... its jsut so hard with two kids and 2 full time jobs. but thats a whole seperate issue ... [snip!] ... but we do try. i told him all i want for chirstmas is a day alonnnneee with him w/ no kids and nothing on the to do list.”

thts good... the way i see it, the key to kickass physical pleasure is to fill out and stimulate the mental and emotional aspects first...

since Mari is 6 weeks now were goign to try to make a movie once every weekend or get at least two hours alone...
i think you can connect alot in that time

He needs to go to the god damn doctor.

This is HIS issue, not yours, he has NO RIGHT to be mad at you he needs to get it taken care of himself

Quoting Booperelli:“ He needs to go to the god damn doctor.”

i know, he knows.
but fucking insurance....
once he was elidgable for benefits at work..... the same day they mailed him his insurance cards.... his work cut benefits!!
so since he has full custody of his son, he was able to get on medicade, that was approved on friday so he's making an appt once he gets his medical stuff in the mail.

plus, it hurts him to sit in the car, hurts his back and his legs start going numb and get tingly like they're falling asleep i guess... idk.. but his job is to sit in a car! AND they moved him to 12 hr shifts driving 2 hrs away every day... lol no fucking good.

Oh.. insurance. Yeah that's an issue.

I didn't even think about that.

Quoting Booperelli:“ This is HIS issue, not yours, he has NO RIGHT to be mad at you he needs to get it taken care of himself”

he's not so much mad at ME for asking for sex.. he knows i want it lol i make that known...

but it just ends up in an argument b/c if sex IS brought up.. he gets upset with himself.. then i feel bad for bringing it up... but then i mean shit we're a couple.. i shouldn't ahve to hide that i want sex just b/c he cant give it to me. im not expecting that he strip down and fuck me lol im just talking about it...
it probably gets blown out of proportion by yours truley, im sure, im good at that...

Quoting Booperelli:“ Oh.. insurance. Yeah that's an issue. I didn't even think about that.”

yeah now that he finally GOT it... im HOPING he can find a new dr and get his shit together.

its just like a slap in the face.. he tries to get better.. FINALLY gets insurance after 8 months of having none.. then they take it away from him. but he was able to go to the medicaid office the same day his work cut his benefits... so thats taken care of now.