Advice on my husband(long)

my husband and i have been having a hard time ever since i got preggers and our baby is almost14 months old. when i was pregnant he swore up and down he was happy and we would make it work, then my belly came in, and he wouldnt touch it, i think it freaked him out, he wouldnt go to ultrasounds or appointments he only wanted to know the sex of the baby. i had a high risk pregnancy i was in and out the hospital with preterm labor till finally at 33 weeks they sent me home at 5cm and told me ther was nothing they could do, and i am diabetic and i was obesse. He would stay at his friends house the whole time.. i finally went into real labor at 36 weeks and had our baby. while i was walking in labor and in and out the jacuzzi... he was sleeping... my sister in law and girlfriend where there with me.. he woke up long enough for my c section saw the baby then went home and went to bed while madison got life flighted to a nicu because of a lot of problems at birth. He didnt want anything to do with her when she got home to the point i was doing everything and my incision almost got infected. he had to work so it wasnt his problem. all through this last year he hasnt wanted a whole lot to do with her at all, we got married and didnt live together while he would go out with his friends, then i would ask him to take her on weekend and he would tell me "baby you know i cant handle her" and expect ME to apologize because i knew better.... then he made a big decision when i told him i was leaving him and went into the navy and told me i couldnt leave him because he needed my emotional support, a week after he left i found out he had been cheating on me with a girl he had already cheated on me with once. i told him we were getting a divorce but he cried and swore up and down he didnt do it, his liberty weekend he begged me while holding our daughter who was crying because i think she was scarred, personally, and asked me for a last chance to be a father to our daughter. i told him fine for our daughters sake, i refuse to rob her of her bio father, its not fair, i didnt have a dad growing up and i dont want that for her. so we are going to be there at his station in CT this friday. but im worried, about him and my daughter (i say my because she feels like she is only mine) getting along he acts like he has changed but in person will that be the case? i need advice ladies   help??

I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't move away until he proved himself first.

how can he prove himself if i dont go though? i love you diplay pic by the by, im a big FMA fan

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ how can he prove himself if i dont go though? i love you diplay pic by the by, im a big FMA fan”

He can prove it by being supportive from a distance.

Doing anything he can.

Call you, write you, send money.

You know?

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ how can he prove himself if i dont go though? i love you diplay pic by the by, im a big FMA fan”

http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about854594.html

Quoting Listerfiend:“ He can prove it by being supportive from a distance. Doing anything he can. Call you, write you, send money. You know?”

he calls me but i have to go into his account to pull out money for me and the baby or he spends it. he gets on the web cam and sees us that way too. i just think to him he is in heaven right now because he has no responsibility at all

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ he calls me but i have to go into his account to pull out money for me and the baby or he spends it. ... [snip!] ... on the web cam and sees us that way too. i just think to him he is in heaven right now because he has no responsibility at all”

Exactly.

I just think from the way he has been acting, and its been what?

She is 14 months old? So over two years he's been this way.

He isn't going to change over night, moving away from family and help might end up poorly.

Quoting Listerfiend:“ Exactly. I just think from the way he has been acting, and its been what? She is 14 months old? So ... [snip!] ... over two years he's been this way. He isn't going to change over night, moving away from family and help might end up poorly.”

im parentanking you by the by, and i see what your saying, in all honesty are cruel as this is im hoping by going there he messes up so i can tell my daughter i tried everything with daddy, ya know, i didnt give up and then i can move on with my life and stop playing his little fucked up game

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ im parentanking you by the by, and i see what your saying, in all honesty are cruel as this is im hoping ... [snip!] ... everything with daddy, ya know, i didnt give up and then i can move on with my life and stop playing his little fucked up game”

I
Feel
You

So much.

I feel like this is what I am going through right now.

Except mine is just a dirty liar, like a child.

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ he calls me but i have to go into his account to pull out money for me and the baby or he spends it. ... [snip!] ... on the web cam and sees us that way too. i just think to him he is in heaven right now because he has no responsibility at all”

i think you are right and that is no way for him to think or act. He's been this way since you got pregnant, you said. If she is 14 months old it's been over two years. I get him scared during your pregnancy and at first, my SO was scared too, but seriously.... 2 years? I think it's time to cut your losses momma.

I wouldn't go *UNLESS* you have a very solid back up plan. Meaning you need to have money set aside and way out of there if he continues his douche bag behavior and some where/someone to come home too if need be. I honestly don't think I could forgive him for how he treated you your entire pregnancy and then after having the baby.   I am so sorry.

i wouldnt go period!!
i would tell him that you want a better life for your self and your daughter.
he can still be a father without you being a couple.
you need to feel you have 100% support not just when he feels like it which by the sounds of things isnt very often.

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ im parentanking you by the by, and i see what your saying, in all honesty are cruel as this is im hoping ... [snip!] ... everything with daddy, ya know, i didnt give up and then i can move on with my life and stop playing his little fucked up game”

I don't think you need to go there to be able to tell your child that you tried everything. I think you just need to do what is right for you & your daughter. Some day she will grow up, be an adult and understand. The way her father is treating her now- it doesn't sound like he's just magically going to become a great father...

thanks ladies, i do have a back up plan, i have friends who are like my family that have money set aside to move me to Az if need be. i just feel horrible like im denying her... i know he wouldnt try if i didnt go, but maybe if he sees her now it will change everything... i dont i think im being stupid a lot, then other times i feel like its my chance for closure or a new life depending on what he does... im kinda doing this to myself im starting to think

Quoting Navy Wife Abraham:“ thanks ladies, i do have a back up plan, i have friends who are like my family that have money set aside ... [snip!] ... like its my chance for closure or a new life depending on what he does... im kinda doing this to myself im starting to think”

I get what you are saying...

By going there it's closure for you, either way, whether he mans up, or keeps not taking responsibility for what is his. That you'll know you made the right decision for sure.