.:DELETED:.

A lot if not all people go through a denial stage before it really hits them that their loved one is gone. Mine took 3 months. Feeling nothing is a defensivemechanism.

It wont pass per say but it does get easier. It took me 4 years to get over my sister's death so it's not always a fast process.

I'm sorry for your loss.

i went through a greif stage before i even actually accepted my friend dying, i just would want to pick up the phone and call him all the time and then i realized he wasnt there anymore.

when the realization hits you, it hits you like a ton of bricks. i about had a nervous breakdown when i realized he REALLY WAS dead.

everyone is different hun.

I'm really sorry for your loose  
I seriously choke up thinking about my brother dying. He is my little rock. We are Irish twins.. I don't think I could have survived life without him.

Time heals all wounds.. keep looking up. I'm sure he would want you to get along without him.

In Late April this year my Uncle died, He lived 8 hours away but we seen each other at least once every 3 months or so and Talked on Yahoo messenger or Msn alot of the time! so it was easy to live in Denial, It sucks.
It throws me every now and then, when 5 months had passed his SO and DD came to visit that's when I realized I could no longer live in Denial, Sad thing was at his time of death he had told me a week before on Yahoo that he be down that week 'm instead we were burying him! They say time heals all wounds I'm still waiting, All the best hun!!!

Im so sorry for your loss.

I lost my 10 y/o brother very unexpectedly (died in his sleep from heart failure..which we had no idea scar tissue from an open heart surgery he had at 3 months old, would build up & stop his heart) 2 days after this past Christmas. Its been very rough. My daughter was born 1 month & 1 day before he died, he got to meet her & was SO PROUD to have a niece (has a nephew too, so he loved having the "best of both worlds"), he loved her so much. Well, I had to stay strong for my daughter, I just got over being on antibiotics because my c-section incision got infected and was that way for 2 weeks, then I got the flu and felt better and a few days later it was Christmas. So my body had taken a toll and then having to lose my dear sweet little brother (even though he was almost my height which he was so proud of too!) who loved everyone & would cheer ANYONE (even strangers in the line at the grocery store hed try to get to smile) up and he gave the best hugs! He was just a happy & lovable kid. It took a lot out of me. I miss him every day. In fact about 2 weeks ago I was afraid I was going to have a nervous breakdown (hormones, 2 pregnancies back to back, financial & emotional stress..etc.. a lot of things, I was getting irriated & very annoyed w/ my in-laws, everything was getting to me) and then it hit me... I thought maybe I hadnt properly & completely mourned/grieved for Michael.... since I had to step up & be strong for my daughter and try to take care of myself.... I was in shock & very distraught over everything, I was in denial too. His body was the first dead body Ive seen & it was the first funeral I ever went to, so that was hard too.

Every month that my daughter turns older, is another month Michaels been gone (she turned 11 months old on the 26th, then the next day, the 27th it was 10 months since Michael's death).. and then w/ Christmas coming up (Halloween, Thanksgiving & Christmas were his all time favorite holidays) and being that it was the last time most of my family saw him...its going to be a very emotional day.

Some days it still hurts like it happened yesterday & I still run the phone call from my twin sister through my head telling me that Michael died and me telling her "no...thats not true"... and then pulling up to my parents house a hour later & watching the coroners carrying his body out in a black body bag... it still hadnt quite hit me.

A few weeks ago, when I thought I hadnt completely mourned for him... it hit me too... I cried & cried. I dont cry a lot over him being gone some times, because I know hed want me to be happy and to remember all of the happy memories we shared, but there are days I just want to lock myself in my room and just let the tears flow and for me to pass out from exhaustion from crying so much, but I cant do that. I hold a lot of it in. For my daughter. My husband does his best to help me, but he knows how much Ive been hurting and gives me a few minutes to sit in his lap w/ my arms around his neck and just cry it out.

At the memorial people would say "Im sorry"... or "if theres anything you need...just let me know".. what kind of reply are you suppose to give them?? I couldnt give any reply because it seemed like a nightmare. If there was one thing Id want from anyone itd be for my little brother to be alive and w/ us!! When you try to talk to someone about it all they say is "I know"... its hard on both sides when dealing w/ a death, you never know what to say. People just let you not answer them back because of the pain youre in and the loss youre trying to deal with.

But its normal to feel nothing. As the previous poster said, its a defense mechanism. I think I felt numb for a while, and it went away..and then it would come back & hit me again. I can tell you that it will pass someday, its different for everyone. Its coming close to the 1 year mark for Michael's death (we buried him on New Years Eve...so my thoughts are "whats there to celebrate?... how can I bring in the new year now... w/ the anniversary of burying him is the same day people are suppose to be celebrating bringing in a new year?)

You will live through it, you may feel like you dont want to, but just think of what your brother would want. He wouldnt want you to be sad, hes in a better place (even though I would always say "that better place is here w/ me & my family!), and hes watching over you. I know Michael is my daughter's guardian angel. I wish he would have been alive to meet my next daughter, but I know he'll still be there with us in spirit and have a huge smile on his face once my next daughter is born.

Just keep all of the memories you have w/ your brother close to your heart. It might take months and years to feel "normal" again.... its all completely normal & the grieving process is different for many.
I love these pictures!! These are my 2 favorite ones... theres only 6 total... like 2 pictures from each day he came to visit me in the hospital. These 6 pictures are the only & last pictures that were taken of Michael... for some reason we didnt take any at Christmas, everyone wasnt feeling good...but one thing that he told me was that it was the best Christmas ever because the whole family was together.

Quoting Going to be a mommy again:“ Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my 10 y/o brother very unexpectedly (died in his sleep from heart ... [snip!] ... feeling good...but one thing that he told me was that it was the best Christmas ever because the whole family was together.”

I keep feeling the same - I have to be strong and be there for my Daughters.
But then I feel numb... Then I get excited and want to move on with my life...
Or Im in denial...Its always different, I thought there was a process... But its all in one and some feelings even last like a few minutes... The best way I can describe it is being bi-polar... but with the greving emotions... ARGHHH its sometimes really hard to handle. I rarely saw my brother, The last time I saw him before he died was probably in June and he passes in August (2 days before my birthday) and he was buried 2 days after.
I dont really speak about him, other to my counsellor which Ive seen twice over a month. I always feel that everyone is busy or dosent want to hear it or I get embarassed (I dont know why, I just do)
The denial I think is because I rarely saw him before he died within the last year, so I just think he is living somewhere... out there..
I dont know... Ive just been taking each day as it comes and just dealing with it.