re: Alcoholic Dads?

Quoting xshorticanrockx:“ Damn, I like that. It isn't liquor, it's just beer. I like how you put that.. So am I getting worked ... [snip!] ... similar. Money is a little tight, but should I be worried when his buddies buy it? Maybe just less stress on the money factor?”

my main bitch & gripe then (and now on bad days sometimes lol) is money, too. it adds up :/ I mean... once you drink a lot of beer you become kind of tolerant to it. I know it would take A LOT of beer to get my DH drunk, so I'm pretty sure he's not drunk most of the time, haha,then againbut I can never be sure...
you're not ness. getting worked up over nothing.... and drinking isn't any way to cope, but that's just how some people are. when I had my first beer with him after I had the baby it was SO FREAKING NICE lol. you just wait. but try talking to him about setting an example for your child...? how many does he have a day? my DH will come home from work and drink anywhere from 4-8beers before he goes to bed. and this is on a week day.

Quoting sratrat:“   This is something I didn't do. I thought he would change and grow up but he didn't.”

my DH is 32.... I feel like there's no "changing"
althought it wouldn't hurt for him to "better himself"

Quoting sratrat:“   This is something I didn't do. I thought he would change and grow up but he didn't.”

I didn't do this either. This has taught me to be more prepared for unexpected events...

It's not having any other problems, because I'm just thinking about the future. He thinks more in the present. Thank you for everyone helping out. I can't just up and leave like some people had said. It's alot harder than everyone thinks. I told him I'd stop bitching if he'd just slow down. I can get that you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, but ever since I've gotten with him, i've bettered him more than he knows. He used to do alot of bad things [drugs, HARD drinking, and other stuff ]when I wasn't with him, and now he's on his own two feet, and supporting me and his unborn baby. Before he was living off of other people, and now he's with me, and i've gotten him to leave drugs, and support yourself, because no one is going to help you, but yourself. I've gotten him back into school, and a stable job. He's definley has done alot of changing and bettering himself, and I thought also, that I might be asking too much of him.

Quoting xshorticanrockx:“ It's not having any other problems, because I'm just thinking about the future. He thinks more in the ... [snip!] ... job. He's definley has done alot of changing and bettering himself, and I thought also, that I might be asking too much of him.”

It is much harder to leave someone than some think. It took me until my daughter was five months to leave.

I justified staying by telling myself "It wouldn't be fair to her if I leave without trying". Now I realize I should have told myself earlier "It isn't fair to her if I stay living in these conditions".

But, you are right. This is a decision you have to make on your own. If at any point you feel unsafe, however, I recommend you throw your inhibitions aside and just leave.

Quoting NATAL!E:“ I always have a hard time getting interested in 200 pg threads.... anything over 10 pgs really, lol”

The first 5 gives the just.... It's just people sharing their stories and how they are coping with the addicts in their lives! Just read a few, post your story, and read the replies from there. It's not like a drama thread where you have to read every page if you want to know what you're talking about, ya know? It's theraputic....

Quoting allison [eBfB]:“ It is much harder to leave someone than some think. It took me until my daughter was five months to ... [snip!] ... to make on your own. If at any point you feel unsafe, however, I recommend you throw your inhibitions aside and just leave.”

I can definley do that. HAH.
I'm smarter than that one. I can deal with my feelings being hurt, but not if it gets in harms way of me or my daughter.

Quoting xshorticanrockx:“ I can definley do that. HAH. I'm smarter than that one. I can deal with my feelings being hurt, but not if it gets in harms way of me or my daughter.”

Good. I'm glad  

Quoting xshorticanrockx:“ It's not having any other problems, because I'm just thinking about the future. He thinks more in the ... [snip!] ... job. He's definley has done alot of changing and bettering himself, and I thought also, that I might be asking too much of him.”

Actually, it sounds like you've been the one doing everything to "better himself"... He doesn't really seem like he's had to do much, you did it all for him..... Asking him to stop drinking isn't asking too much! And alcohol is alcohol! There is "it's just beer" bullshit. That's an excuse.... It all does the same thing, it gets you drunk!
That's like a Cocaine addict saying, "It's not like I'm smoking crack".... It's the same shit, and the results are the same..... No addict is "better" than any other "addict", just because their drug choice is different.....

my husband didnt have a drinking problem, but he drank ALOT. It got to the point, after I had my daughter, i thought is this something i want to raise emma around. If something happened to me, would I be ok leaving emma with him, or is he sober enough to drive me to the hospital. Once i pack our shit up and left, he totally stopped drinking. I dont want Emma to know what a beer is when shes 2 years old. Or the only memory of her dad she has, is that he always had a beer in his hand.

An addict is going to change until he wants to. I noticed someone mentioned a functioning alcoholic. I call my dad "functioning" alocohlic but it's not just a few beers. He drinks every night to the point of intoxication (12-24 beers), stumbling around, passes out on the toilet, and can make some very mean remarks. He still gets up and goes to work in the morning but the behavior repeats when he gets home.

An alcoholic of ANY kind is damaging to the family structure even if you can't see it now. When you are a spouse or a child with a parent that drinks it takes a toll on everyone and without you knowing it your children will start acting in roles-- and so does the spouse (the spouse might cover for their actions, make excuses, or ignore it). **This doesn't apply to a few beers, to me that's not an alcoholic.

I have severe issues with what my dad does and has done while growing up (he started this the last 15 or so yrs when his dad died). I didn't understand my pain and my hatred for him until my psychologist made me research it and the addiction. I now understand why I act the way I do (the roles).

Kind of rambling. But I do not condone any drinking whatsoever and do not allow it around my child. I've BTDT as the child and don't want my son going through the same crap. It's not healthy for you or your child.

Link on roles: http://www.essortment.com/all/alcoholismin_rery.htm

Never threathen unless your gonna do it! I think it would be in yours and the baby's best to leave now before she gets here. You need to think of yourself and your baby first. I know its hard but you dont have to split up just not live together until he can man up and stop his partying. Most guys use the excuse of stress, which is pure bullshit, its just an excuse they we fall for. As new mom we have the life long job of raising the baby, talk about stress!!! You need to get you and your baby, in a stable place. And when and if he does you can return!!

Quoting xshorticanrockx:“ I'm having alot of trouble with my boyfriend/fiance` lately. I don't know how to cope with it, and ... [snip!] ... at him? He always thinks that i'm contantly bitching, even though I'm not. Should I threaten to leave him? I need help. :[”

My husband is in AA, recovering alcoholic. You can't change who he is, if you leave, if he is an alcoholic, he won't care.
Try going to an Al-Anon meeting. They are very helpful. Where do you live? I can look one up for you. I attend   It's for family or spouses, etc of those affected by the diseases of alcohol. You have to understand that alcoholism is not a choice, it is a disease, just like diabetes. Would you leave him if he was sick? You have to treat an alcoholic like they are sick. I know you probably won't listen to what I'm saying, because most are saying leave him if he cares about you and the baby, blah blah, but honey you can't force him to get clean, and you can't force him to change, like I said it is a disease. PM me if you want to know anymore info

I forgot to mention what a few women already have, if you didn't read over their posts. An alcoholic/addict is not going to change unless the alcoholic wants to. No matter the threatening, nothing. My husband was in and out of sobriety the whole time I've been with him. You learn something called detaching with love in Al-Anon, they have the three "C's"
1. I didn't Cause it
2. I Can't control it
3. I Can't cure it

I promise if you get into a program like this, whether he is using or sober, it will help you a lot. You have to let go of what he is doing, and detach from him, with love like they say.
Alcoholics are usually extremely warm hearted, very smart people, with a disease. When I get mad at my husband for something, because believe me even in AA or recovering, they will still have some alcoholic tendencies, just not drinking tendencies lol, but you learm ways to just get over it, what he is doing you have no control over, and there is no sense in worrying or threatening, it does no good to either of you.