Forums > Suffering & LossPage 1 2by: R.I.P Karson

R.I.P. Karson

posted 3rd Nov

Hello all. I just want to say how sorry I am to read all of your stories and so sorry that you all are experiencing the pain that I am feeling right now.

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend Stephen is 23 also. On May 21, 2009 we had the most amazing little boy named Karson Wade. He scared us alot because his heart rate was jumping up and down. We had to have an emergency c-section but fortunately everything seemed to be ok. He was the love of our life. He was our world.We lived in a small town with a small town dr who we thought we really loved. After I finished school we moved back to our home town and started seeing a new dr who was worried about Karsons head being too small. At that time Karson was 2 mo. We didnt think much of it because my boyfriends head is pretty small. Long story short we got tests done and turned out my baby had calcium deposits on his brain. They told us he would more than likely be mentally delayed. We didnt want our son going through a life like that but we were ready for all the hardships to come. We knew that he may have a hard time but he was going to get all the love and support we could give him. He was going to be our special baby boy. After we found all this out it was like he just started getting sick. He was crying alot and we just thought it was colic and so did his dr. We were scheduled to have more tests done on his head. Then Sept 18, 2009 was the worst day of my life. I went to check on my baby boy and he was not breathing. I called 911 and started doing cpr and the ambulance came and he was airflighted to a childrens hospital. unfortunately they could never get my babies heart started again. The dr at the hospital said he thought it was sids and the official autopsy report is still not back yet. I have talked to an investigator who said they dont think it has anything to do with his head and we are currently waiting on toxicology reports. I know my baby was not poisoned or anything like that so we are thinking is was sids. Its like I dont know what to do anymore. Our whole world revolved around that baby and its like it was all taken away from us. I dont understand how we are supposed to go on from here. On top of everything else the investigators questioned us like we did something wrong. I would never hurt my baby. They backed off now but I cant believe they treat people like that. Its like were not going through enough already. Anyways I am on this site looking for some support. I would really like to know what other people have done in my situation. What and I supposed to do now? I tried to stay busy and all that stuff and it did seem to be working but not anymore. On top of all of that my sister just found out shes pregnant. It was a total accident and I would love to be happy for her but its like I cant. I love her so much and want her to be happy but why does she get to have 2 healthy babies and not me. I just wanted him to be ok. I didnt care if he was special. We were ready for all of that. I feel selfish that I feel this way towards my sister. I feel like such a bad person. I just need some incite from people who have been through this. Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope to make some new friends on here. Thanks again
Karsons Mommy

R.I.P. Karson

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