Forums > Suffering & LossPage 1 2by: R.I.P Karson

R.I.P. Karson

posted 3rd Nov
Hello all. I just want to say how sorry I am to read all of your stories and so sorry that you all are experiencing the pain that I am feeling right now.

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend Stephen is 23 also. On May 21, 2009 we had the most amazing little boy named Karson Wade. He scared us alot because his heart rate was jumping up and down. We had to have an emergency c-section but fortunately everything seemed to be ok. He was the love of our life. He was our world.We lived in a small town with a small town dr who we thought we really loved. After I finished school we moved back to our home town and started seeing a new dr who was worried about Karsons head being too small. At that time Karson was 2 mo. We didnt think much of it because my boyfriends head is pretty small. Long story short we got tests done and turned out my baby had calcium deposits on his brain. They told us he would more than likely be mentally delayed. We didnt want our son going through a life like that but we were ready for all the hardships to come. We knew that he may have a hard time but he was going to get all the love and support we could give him. He was going to be our special baby boy. After we found all this out it was like he just started getting sick. He was crying alot and we just thought it was colic and so did his dr. We were scheduled to have more tests done on his head. Then Sept 18, 2009 was the worst day of my life. I went to check on my baby boy and he was not breathing. I called 911 and started doing cpr and the ambulance came and he was airflighted to a childrens hospital. unfortunately they could never get my babies heart started again. The dr at the hospital said he thought it was sids and the official autopsy report is still not back yet. I have talked to an investigator who said they dont think it has anything to do with his head and we are currently waiting on toxicology reports. I know my baby was not poisoned or anything like that so we are thinking is was sids. Its like I dont know what to do anymore. Our whole world revolved around that baby and its like it was all taken away from us. I dont understand how we are supposed to go on from here. On top of everything else the investigators questioned us like we did something wrong. I would never hurt my baby. They backed off now but I cant believe they treat people like that. Its like were not going through enough already. Anyways I am on this site looking for some support. I would really like to know what other people have done in my situation. What and I supposed to do now? I tried to stay busy and all that stuff and it did seem to be working but not anymore. On top of all of that my sister just found out shes pregnant. It was a total accident and I would love to be happy for her but its like I cant. I love her so much and want her to be happy but why does she get to have 2 healthy babies and not me. I just wanted him to be ok. I didnt care if he was special. We were ready for all of that. I feel selfish that I feel this way towards my sister. I feel like such a bad person. I just need some incite from people who have been through this. Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope to make some new friends on here. Thanks again
Karsons Mommy
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I live in Texas
posted 3rd Nov
Quoting R.I.P Karson:“ Hello all. I just want to say how sorry I am to read all of your stories and so sorry that you all are ... [snip!] ... through this. Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope to make some new friends on here. Thanks again Karsons Mommy”


Honey i have not been through this but i just wanted to send you my thoughts. You are a strong woman.
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I have 2 kids & live in Portland, Oregon
posted 3rd Nov
my prayers are with you sweetheart. <3
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I have 1 child & live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
posted 3rd Nov
i am so sorry mama. i havent been through your situation, but you will still be in my thoughts and prayers. and not trying to be mean or anything, but with amount of children who die from abuse they have to cover all basis.
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I have 1 child & live in Lewiston, Idaho
posted 3rd Nov
Quoting R.I.P Karson:“ Hello all. I just want to say how sorry I am to read all of your stories and so sorry that you all are ... [snip!] ... through this. Thank you so much for reading my story and I hope to make some new friends on here. Thanks again Karsons Mommy”


I'm so sorry for your loss momma  my daughter also has calcium deposits in her brain
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I have 1 child & live in Cincinnati, Ohio
posted 3rd Nov
First off your are not a bad person at all, your feelings are normal and your resentment will change as time goes on. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what your going through right now.
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I have 1 child & live in Washington
posted 3rd Nov
I can't possibly imagine what you're feeling but I'm sooo terribly sorry for your loss.
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I have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Bronx, New York
posted 3rd Nov
I am so sorry for your loss   Your story just breaks my heart
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I have 2 kids & live in Wisconsin
posted 3rd Nov
i haven't been in your shoes so I don't know what to say but i am so sorry. I know no words will help but I am sorry for your loss!
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I have 1 child & live in Fort Belvoir, Virginia
posted 3rd Nov
I am so so sorry...
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I have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Virginia
posted 3rd Nov
I am so sorry for everything you went through. The feelings you are having right now are normal. You've come to the right place for kind words and support. Again, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss mama.
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I have 2 kids & live in Goldsboro, North Carolina
posted 3rd Nov
I am so sorry...
I will pray for you & your family tonight. I CANNOT cannot CANNOT imagine losing my baby....
there's a member on here who has gone through a SIDS loss, Emma...

http://members.baby-gaga.com/member633245
try talking to her... <3
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I have 1 child & live in Palm Coast, Florida
posted 3rd Nov
im so sorry for your loss. i have never experienced the loss of a child but you will be in my prayers. Just remember that karson is looking down upon you from heaven....you will be reunited again, just stay strong and take it one day at a time
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I have 1 child & live in North Bergen, New Jersey
posted 3rd Nov
Thank you and I know that but its just we didnt do that to our baby you know. i keep trying to tell myself the same thing but when they ask you over and over again and you have to relive that night over and over again it is the most horrible thing you know. I already have nightmares about it and try not to think about that night as much as i can and they just kept asking us. I know there are people who hurt their babies again but we didnt. but thank you both so much for taking the time to read this and thinking about us and our family.
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I live in Texas
posted 3rd Nov
i have no idea what you're going through right now but i am bawling at my computer right now. i can't imagine what you're going through. my prayers and thoughts are with you momma.
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I have 1 child & live in Tennessee
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