I don't know what to title this.,..

I don’t even know where to start on this… I went in to the hospital on October 23rd, because I had symptoms of H1N1. I went in and my fever was almost 104 degrees. I had been throwing up, and just so weak I could hardly move. The twins at that point where having some trouble with inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid.. Also the heart beats were going from high to low.. Which is not normal! My blood pressure was high, I don’t have the exacts on what it was, but it was high, and very concerning to my OB.
I keep chocking up and I just don’t know how to type what I want to say… I got out of the hospital yesterday, not pregnant… I lost both twins, on October 28th,, the same day they were born. They were born via c-section at 23 weeks & 4 days gestation.. At 2:48pm, and 2:52pm. My beautiful little girl was born weighing 15oz and was 10 1/3 inches long. My son, my beautiful baby boy, was born weighing 1lb exactly and was 10 ¼ inches long.
My doctor made a very urgent rushed decision to get the babies out.. Either they were going to make it outside the womb, or we were all going to die.. We did what we thought was right, and now I sit here thinking I did the wrong thing..
I spent exactly 3 hours and 17 minutes with Christina Harlow Lee.. She was on a short loan from God to me… He wanted his beautiful angel back, and I can’t say I blame him..
I spent 2 hours and 33 minutes with Heath Cedric Levi..
I can honestly say those short few hours, were some of the best in my life. I keep replaying everything in my head trying to figure out God’s will and plan for me, for my family.. Sometimes things seem so unfair, so unjust, so not right.. I keep thinking about how everything is suppose to happen for a reason.. If that’s true, what is the reason for all the pain me, and my family have endured? Does God hate me?
At this point in time, I’m done trying for another baby.. I feel like I’m dying inside, it hurts so bad… I just lay here in a curled up bawl crying.. I have Christina’s and Heath’s baby blankets, they smell just like them… I just want to hold them again, I want to see Christina’s beautiful blue eyes, and the same goes for Heath… I just want to touch their little hands, and whisper everything’s going to be alright… I want to put them up on my chest again and feel their heart beating against mine.. I want to be okay.. I want them to be okay, I know they are.. I can only imagine what they are doing.. I keep hoping God’s holding them both in his arms, telling them all about their big sister, and their mommy who loved them dearly, even though we were only together a short time…
I don’t know what else to write… I’m at a loss for words, I truly am…

Christina Harlow Lee
October 28th, 2009
Went home to heaven on October 28th, 2009
Born at 2:48 pm
15 oz.
10 1/3 in.
Spent 3 hours & 17 minutes here, on Earth.

Heath Cedric Levi
October 28th, 2009
Went home to heaven on October 28th, 2009
Born at 2:52pm
1 lb.
10 ½ in.
Spent 2 hours & 33 minutes here, on Earth.

Both born at 23 weeks & 4 days gestation.



I’ll get up pictures, when I’m ready to share..

Keep my family in your prayers please.

I am so sorry for you losses.
You and your family are definitely in my prayers!

i am so sorry for the loss...

Oh mama. I am so sorry. I know that doesn't help much, but i will be praying for you.

I am so sorry hun. {{hugs}}

im sorry for your loss hun...
you and your family are in my prayers!

I'm not even sure everything I wrote made sense.. I'm in such a fog still.. Try to understand as best as you can, I'll write more later..

Im so sorry for your loss mama  

I am so sorry for your loss

omg, sweety, im sooo sorry you went trhough that.. And you are tough for sharing your story with all of us. Im truely sorry for your loss, and you are definatley in our prayers...

I'm so sorry about everything mama, sorry for your loss. I know its hard, but try to keep your head up as best as you can<3

i couldnt imagine the pain your going through right now hun. *hugs* you and your family are in my prayers

I am sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers. ((hugs))

Oh mamma I'm so sorry 

My heart just sunk when i read this. I can't imagine the pain you and your family are in right now, and i'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.