3 year olds

Anyone else have a defiant 3 y/o?

My wonderfully empathetic, caring 2 y/o changed almost over night into a MONSTER! (lol... partly joking there!)

Anyways, my question is this... If you have a defiant 3 y/o, what do you do/did you do about it?

The time-out thingy works, but it is a negative consequence and as she get MORE defiant, it seems like that is all we do--- give her negative consequences.

As a teacher (15 years) with mutilple degrees, I know that I don't want my child to always be "in the negative". So, last night I stayed up late and made her a little chart. It has 3 things on it...

1. Let's her sister have her things. (not allowed to take things off of her sister).
2. Uses her hands/body appropriately (no pushing/hitting)
3. Listens the first time she is asked. (getting dressed in the morning, clean up her toys, etc.)

The chart is broken down by morning, afternoon, & evening. She gets a smiley face for the morning if she does the right thing. After 3 smileys she can have a piece of Halloween candy, 5 jellybeans (she loves them for some reason), or she can watch a sprout show.

Those of you who have tried this system, did it work? Please share any experiences you have. Thanks... We are at our wits end with this defiant stage.

Quoting Leigh{30++}:“ Anyone else have a defiant 3 y/o? My wonderfully empathetic, caring 2 y/o changed almost over night ... [snip!] ... this system, did it work? Please share any experiences you have. Thanks... We are at our wits end with this defiant stage.”

In my experience, 3 is a hard age. Well, 3 is good at our house, but 3.5 is hard. I'm sure you've read about disequalibrium and all that...

We have a positive reward system in our house too, and as long as we are consistent with it, it works well. Ours is a little different now because our two who are using it are older. I think as long as the rules are appropriate and realistic for their developmental stage, and the consequences are mild, consistent, and instant these kinds of systems work well.

Do you have a "code" to remind her that she needs to listen the first time? I know sometimes they are just so involved in what they are doing that they don't seem to hear us, so I have found that with LO's something like "1,2,3 eyes on me!" gets their attention and tells them they need to focus on me...My kids will say "1, 2, eyes on you" to show that they are paying attention.

Is your first rule that she has to let her little sister play with all her stuff? I'm just confused about the wording on that one...Or just that if her sister is playing with her stuff she can't take it away?

Quoting the possible police:“ In my experience, 3 is a hard age. Well, 3 is good at our house, but 3.5 is hard. I'm sure you've read ... [snip!] ... confused about the wording on that one...Or just that if her sister is playing with her stuff she can't take it away? ”

Thanks for your input... The first rule is that she can't take stuff of her sister that she already has. My 3 y/o is constantly bossing her sister around, taking stuff out of her hands, and all-around micro managing her...

I was trying to word it simply, so that she can understand it. My oldest has started all of her stages early. So, this started the day after she turned 3.

I like your "code" idea. The 1, 2,3 thing was something I did as an elementary teacher, but never thought about doing at home.

This morning, my girl did not want to get dressed. I showed her the chart I made and she was VERY happy about it. She went upstairs and was dressed in 3 minutes. She came down and we moved the smily to the appropriate box. Then we talked about what she needed to do to get more. I know we will need to tweak as we go and I can see the system losing steam if we faulter...

Good luck   I think they do like to feel a sense of accomplishment, and it makes them feel good about themselves to have a goal  

Hmmm ill have to try this chart thing.....my 3 year old overnight too changed into a BRAT!! Nothing is working so far....sounds like a plausible idea though.

Quoting LaPetitefleure:“ Hmmm ill have to try this chart thing.....my 3 year old overnight too changed into a BRAT!! Nothing is working so far....sounds like a plausible idea though.”

It has worked really well today. She was much more compliant and happy.