I don't believe, I don't care, I do believe

I don't believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. That isn't in the bible, anyway. Bible says God won't tempt us more than we can handle

I don't believe that Allyn is up there somewhere watching over us. I don't feel him. And he would be off doing other things if those powers exist anyway

I don't believe that I need to make sure Allyn would have been proud of my choices. He isn't here to have imput and explain why things might be better done his way. I don't want to live my live as a martyr to a martyr.

I don't believe I need to raise my girls the way Allyn and I had planned

I don't believe that it is impossible to give up.

I don't believe you know how I feel

I don't care if what I say is offensive

I don't care what expectations of me are. They aren't mine.

I don't care that people are mad that I don't want intrusion right now

I don't care that there are responsibilities people thought I would take and haven't

I don't care that people are mad I don't want anyone at the birth of Piper

I DO believe that I am the one calling the shots now.

I DO believe that people have alturistic intentions, but that it hurts me instead of helps. I need to be normal, not a martyr,

I DO believe in reclaiming my privacy.

I DO believe that I have the right to be selfish enough to ask for the treatment I want instead of going along to get along. People often want to help because it helps them. It is harming me to be constantly reminded that I am not a normal single mom

I DO believe that I will raise my daughters the best I possibly can. Our plans had changed in the one year we had a daughter together, it is unreasonable that they wouldn't have changed a million times over.

I DO believe that Allyn loved us more than he ever loved anyone else in the world. He did what he did to take care of us, and even in his untimely death he was still able to do that . He left me here knowing I have the strength to be what my girls deserve of me. He knows that I will raise them well, to know about their daddy and love him, but that we will not live an homage to him.

Allyn knew me better than I know myself. But just as Allyn is gone, the me that Allyn knew is gone. The me Allyn fell in love with didn't have two babies soon and the strength to parent and guide them and lead them to be productive members of society. This is the woman I am now. Our lives are different. The only people I am answerable to are my girls. That is it. If I do well by them, I do well by myself, and I do well by my lovely, wonderful husband who loved us enough to prepare us for his death.

If, in the path of taking care of my girls the best way I can and know how I anger some people(relatives plans and parenting advice), they can bite my big fat middle finger. My job is my girls

I love you so much, my dear
I promise that I'll always keep our promise.

You go girl.

I agree with everything you said and I think you are a hell of woman. You do what you need to do and fuck what everyone else thinks about it. Good luck to you and I hope that you are happy in whatever decisions you make.

You're the best. If anyone can get through this with twohappy healthy beautiful loved girls its you.


(ps. i think you should add michael c hall from dexter to "the list")

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ I don't believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. That isn't in the bible, anyway. Bible ... [snip!] ... bite my big fat middle finger. My job is my girls I love you so much, my dear I promise that I'll always keep our promise.”

wow. i admire your stregnth.

you are one strong woman momma and you can do ANYTHING!

I have to admit, I read this, and your profile....and its definitley a heart breaker..
You have to be the strongest woman to endure all of that...Im not a believer, but you and your family will be on my mind tonight...*big hugs*

Quoting shes*almost*one!:“ You're the best. If anyone can get through this with twohappy healthy beautiful loved girls its you. (ps. i think you should add michael c hall from dexter to "the list")”

omg DEF!! i lub dexter...better than dane

You are amazing...

I do believe that the woman your husband fell in love with is still in there somewhere...otherwise who is it that mourns his lose orhow else would you still have the strength to tell everyone else to bite you bag if they have a problem with how you are doing things now...

Head up and face forward lady...your daughters are hella lucky to have you!

you are a very strong woman, thats all I can say....your doing whats best for you and your girls and that is all that matters

You're a very strong woman.

Your girls will have a wonderful Mom!

You are one hell of a strong woman

Thank you ladies. Writing it helps, knowing people read it helps.
Once in a while someone is helped by it, and that really makes me feel good.

I will update 'the list'

  I love reading your posts