I don't know what to say...

Today I got a phone call from my best friend. Her fiance died in a car accident. The car flipped over 6 times. They said he died instantly, but nobody found him until 30 minutes later...  .. He has a daughter who is 4, and my friend is having a really hard time trying to figure out how to tell her.

Now she's talking about how all she wants to do is kill herself. I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how I'm going to help her with this. It's such a horrible situation... I spent the entire day with her just letting her cry on my shoulder, now I'm at home and Sophie's taking a nap and all I want to do is hug her and squeeze her and smother her in kisses.

Sigh. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do to help her out? He was only 26 years old and they were getting married next year in September.

thanks in advance.  

I really don't have any suggestions..
Maybe tell her to say " Daddy went to a better place".

I really don't know.. I have never been in such a situation.. My SO has flipped his car 8 times as well.. he lived (thank GOD)...
I am so sorry for your friends lose.   I hope she can get through this okay.

Good luck momma, she will need you most now.

theres not alot you can do other than support her and be there for her
and offer to help in any way you can.

Maybe cook her a nice dish?

Aren't the friends supposed to cook for the family when someone dies?

or is that just around here in the south..?

Believe me, I've been there. She is in shock. Shock is God's anastesia(sp). Make sure she doesn't do anything rash and have someone else take care of her daughter for a couple days so that she can just sleep or cry or do nothing if she wants to. Just make sure that there is someone around to make sure she doesn't actually kill herself.

im so sorry for your friends loss... i just got chill bumps reading that story..

Quoting aLex. [TKB]:“ I really don't have any suggestions.. Maybe tell her to say " Daddy went to a better place". I really ... [snip!] ... I am so sorry for your friends lose.   I hope she can get through this okay. Good luck momma, she will need you most now.”

I don't know. Everything seems so .. unreal.. Ahh... I was just there for her, letting her cry on me, letting her talk about him, but when she said that all she wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again.. and how she wished she would have been in the car with him, so they could've died together. .. I was speechless, I didn't know what to say. There's nothing that I can say or do to help her out.. just be there, I guess. It's bugging me though, how I can't find the words to comfort her. :\

Quoting Madison's Mommy♥:“ theres not alot you can do other than support her and be there for her and offer to help in any way ... [snip!] ... dish? Aren't the friends supposed to cook for the family when someone dies? or is that just around here in the south..?”

I tried to make her dinner tonight, and she has no appetite.  
Understandable, but I'm so worried about her..

Here is what NOT to say:

He's watching over you
God doesn't give us more than we can handle
I know how you feel.

Quoting jessica [sophie's momma]:“ I don't know. Everything seems so .. unreal.. Ahh... I was just there for her, letting her cry on me, ... [snip!] ... I can say or do to help her out.. just be there, I guess. It's bugging me though, how I can't find the words to comfort her. :\”

You are right. There IS nothing you can say. Especially when it is senseless like this. 'I'm sorry' goes a really long way. She may be able to call her doctor and get a sedative if the dr thinks it'll help.

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ Believe me, I've been there. She is in shock. Shock is God's anastesia(sp). Make sure she doesn't do ... [snip!] ... cry or do nothing if she wants to. Just make sure that there is someone around to make sure she doesn't actually kill herself.”

First off, I'd like to say that I just read your story and I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you feel or what you're going through.  

Secondly, thank you. I'm worried that if I leave her alone even for one second, she'll do something awful. She's staying the night at our friend's house. All of his friends are having a get-together in his memory tonight and they want her to be there. So our friend who lives over by their place is going to keep her for the night. I just don't know when I can leave her by herself. I'm worried about her and I know she needs time to be alone-- but I don't want her to do anything bad.  

Quoting Owen's Mommy!!:“ im so sorry for your friends loss... i just got chill bumps reading that story..”

She called me one time and told me that he had gotten into a car accident (that's all she knew at the time) and that she was heading up to the hospital. Then she called me a couple of hours later, crying hysterically. All she said was, "I need you. Jon's dead." My heart just stopped beating. It was so unreal.

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ Here is what NOT to say: He's watching over you God doesn't give us more than we can handle I know how you feel.”

She was there for me a couple years ago when my father died. I was in such a haze back then that I don't even remember how she comforted me. All I wanted to do was help her in the same way that she helped me. I just felt like I was running into a brick wall, because I've obviously never been in that exact situation. It breaks my heart to know that this happened.

Be in the house that she is in but stay out of the way. Intrusion is a killer. Check on her every so often, but don't make her go. Make sure her daughter is somewhere safe and somewhere else. Shedoesn't need to see her mommy like that.

She will likely be a complete bitch to you and everyone else. I know that it takes superhuman effort to not get offended by people when they are being openly offensive, but it is probably what is going to happen.

Offer to watch her daughter,
She doesn't need to see mommy that upset

Quoting jessica [sophie's momma]:“ She was there for me a couple years ago when my father died. I was in such a haze back then that I don't ... [snip!] ... into a brick wall, because I've obviously never been in that exact situation. It breaks my heart to know that this happened.”

She won't remember what you do here either. Unless someone does something really stupid she'll likely not remember much from today other than the big stuff.