Feeling Bad

My ex boyfriend died this past Friday Morning. Since it has happened I have been an emotional wreck. We were so close. I loved that man so much. I have been feeling so bad though. He was supposed to go to the movies with me on Wednesday I never took him and went with my friend instead. He really wanted to see this movie and I didn't take him because my SO/BD was getting jealous of how good of friends we are. He called me Thursday and I didn't answer and never returned his call. I don't know if he knew how much I loved him. I never got to tell him. I regret not taking him to the movies. I feel like such a bad person..Like why didn't I just take him . I hate myself so much for not taking him. I never will get to see him again or take him anywhere. I just wanna hear his voice again...I took it for granted and now he is gone. I feel like such a bad person. I can't get over this guilt.

Quoting Britt1986:“ My ex boyfriend died this past Friday Morning. Since it has happened I have been an emotional wreck. ... [snip!] ... hear his voice again...I took it for granted and now he is gone. I feel like such a bad person. I can't get over this guilt.”

It isn't your fault. You assumed that you'd have forever to hang out with him. There was no way to know he was going to pass away. Don't feel guilty. I'm dealing with 2 losses (one yesterday and one last saturday) and im not dealing well at all either. I'm here if you wanna talk.  

Sounds like you really loved him bad since you said it so much. And you don't have to feel bad. A lot of people have mixed feeling when something like this happens.

Quoting Vanessa & Owen:“ It isn't your fault. You assumed that you'd have forever to hang out with him. There was no way to know ... [snip!] ... with 2 losses (one yesterday and one last saturday) and im not dealing well at all either. I'm here if you wanna talk.  ”

Thanks..Who did you lose in your life?

Quoting The Glamorous Mom©:“ Sounds like you really loved him bad since you said it so much. And you don't have to feel bad. A lot of people have mixed feeling when something like this happens.”

Yea I just know it is not my fault he is dead. It is just he tried to hang out with my 2 days before he was murdered and I didn't take him. He also called me the day before he died and I didn't answer or call him back. I was busy doing my hw..I did get to spend last sunday, monday and tuesday with him. I miss him so much and I long for those days when he used to blow up my phone.

Quoting Britt1986:“ Thanks..Who did you lose in your life?”

It's kind of confusing... well one is, one is quite simple. The first (simple) one was a coworker, but he's worked for my Dad for 10 years, so I've known him for awhile and I'm friendly with his daughters. He was 52 years old and died of Cancer.

The second (more confusing) one was an old friend's Dad. He was in his early 50's as well and died suddenly. It's confusing because I'm not friends with the person anymore, but we still talk occasionally. But growing up we were BEST friends. His parents were very involved in our lives growing up. They made every single one of us feel like "one of their own", and he'd give the shirt off his back to someone that needed it if he could. Our other good friend (who is now my son's godfather) had cancer when we were 12, stage 4 hodgkins disease, and they didnt give him very long to live. this man donated TONS of money to his family and hospitals to get him extensive care not covered under any insurance (his own family couldn't afford it), and, like I said, he's my son's godfather 12 years later, and has been totally cancer free for 11ish years. If it wasn't for this friend's Dad (the one that just passed away) my son would never have had his godfather and my best friend in his life, and a 12 year old child would be in the ground.

I'm just so distraught.