re: Introduce Yourself....

Hi, my name is Raven and I'm 20 years old.
I was told that I would miscarry for the rest of my life, due to medical conditions.
I was going through a 2 month rough patch where I completely stopped communicating with my boyfriend, then one random day in May we spent a day together to see if a relationship was still a good idea, and I became pregnant.
This was May 2012. I took a test a few days after my birthday (19) and turns out I was pregnant. Soon after I miscarried at about 5-6 weeks.
It broke my, and my boyfriends soul. Truthfully something I cannot put into words.., they say it gets better with time, they say you can have another....but even still...it is something that never just goes away...I believe you never fully heal. I took it just as hard as I took the death of my brother (sept 2011) who was my best friend and a year apart from me...
, it's still such a touchy, heartbreaking subject for me.....

I say this because I became pregnant again oct 2012, and I'm 14w, everything is going well, its about 3 weeks behind in measurements but the heart is beating strong and it's moving and developing properly otherwise. I STILL cry about the miscarriage, even knowing there is another baby on the way. I deeply empathize and sympathize for all of you, and all of your losses...stay strong.

Quoting CokiMonsta:" Hi, my name is Raven and I'm 20 years old. I was told that I would miscarry for the rest of my life, ... [snip!] ... there is another baby on the way. I deeply empathize and sympathize for all of you, and all of your losses...stay strong."

Dearest Raven, nice to meet you.
I just wanted to share that I am sorry for your loss.

I have no personal experience with it, but I imagine the pain of losing a child may be devastating regardless of age - love is love, right? And 'technically" children are not supposed to die before us.

I hope you have a good source of support in your personal life. I am new here too and so far I've been touched deeply by people have really been there for each other. Certain things in life may be easier to relate to for someone who experienced the same things.

When people make remarks like: "you can have another" are well meant - that doesn't mean that assumptions like that don't hurt. Some people may take being able to be blessed with a child for granted, sometimes they just don't know what to say.

If its okay I'd like to share with you that there is no expiration date on a grieving process. The word "healing" I see more as nurturing yourself and/or loved ones: it never goes away completely. I don't mean to be too personal Raven, but take all the time you need: grieving takes whatever it takes - there are no rules for that.

So when you say that you STILL cry - there is nothing wrong with that. The child you've lost may not be with you in the physical, but in my eyes s/he is loved just as much as any other loved one. Then, crying may be uncomfortable, but it is also acknowledging that little soul and both you and he or she deserve that. it may be a cliche and i apologize for that, but oftentimes tears are a mere expression of love. Also, the child you are carrying now - is not a "replacement" so both are embraced within your heart.

People tend to look as miscarriage in a rather distant way - like it doesn't "count". On this site you'll find many that know that each pregnancy involves a CHILD - regardless of which how long one is/was pregnant. If you haven't done so already: maybe it'll be nice to name the child you lost and perhaps do a special thing in his/her name, or do some kind of ceremony for him/her? It wouldn't have to be something really big: an acknowledging in mind and/or heart can be done privately. It also may help later on in life if you keep a journal about your little one and your experiences. Just a few suggestions...

I hope I'm not crossing a boundary here - I am sure that members on this site can share more with you, because they sadly experienced similar circumstances. I mean well. I hope that everything in your current pregnancy will go well and wish you a lot of strength and many blessings...

Francisca

hi everyone, my name is Rachelle and on December 27, 2012 i found out i was pregnant with my first child. It was the best Christmas present I could have asked for. Then on February 2, 2013 I had my boyfriend take me to the ER because i was lightly spotting. They preformed an ultra sound and could not locate a heartbeat. I have never felt so heartbroken in my life. After 18 years of wanting a child of my own, i get one just to have it taken away before i could even hold it.   I am almost 36 years old and the females in my family have had full hystorectomies in their late 30's. i really do not want to give up the dream of having a child of my own, but right now i'm so lost i feel it is pointless to even try again.

hey im Ashley 22 and the love of my life is 22 also im from Manchester UK and this is the first time posting iv finally found the courage to talk about my loss of my beautiful boy his due date was on the 21/12/12 and everything was going fine i started to feel him move just little niggles and i had a midwife app and she was listing to his heartbeat which she wasn't happy with so she sent me to the maternity ward where they listened to his heartbeat and sent me for a scan which is when they told me they were really concerned about his heart rate the next day they went to check his heartbeat and there wasn't one so the did anther scan and that's when i found out my little boy was asleep i lost my world on the 4/8/2012 i was 20 weeks to this day i feel like iv lost my world.

My name is Driss and I am a personal trainer.My work consists of helping people to attain higher levels of health through proper diet and exercise.
I believe that anybody can achieve the body that they desire, and this includes you! Sometimes, however, we just need a push in the right direction to get us started.

hey everyone.

my name is Avy, I'm 26, and reside in Southern New Jersey (USA). On 01/09/2013 a positive urine test and bloodwork, at the ER confirmed that I was pregnant!

after 6yrs, of being told that I'd NEVER have kids.. I was indeed pregnant! I remember joking with the doctor, asking him if the results were actually mine and not mixed up with another patients.

fast forward- I had a miscarriage on 02/16/2013. My boyfriend took me into the ER because I was spotting and having pain. They did some tests and performed an ultrasound to check on the baby. our worst fear was confirmed about an hour later. the ER doctor came in and said "hun, the radiologist reviewed and looked over your ultrasound study, and they didn't detect a heartbeat for the baby." My scan had me measuring at around 12/13wks but the baby had stopped growing at about 9wks and 2days.</3

my heart dropped. I automatically started to cry! I was hysterical and felt my whole world crumble right in front of me. my bf hopped onto the hospital bed and held me and we just cried and cried. the car ride home that night was silent all you heard was our sobs and sniffles.

I had a D&C on 02/19/2013. It was an emotional day. On 03/05/2013 my doctor sent me back to the ER. I had to have a D&E done because my body wasn't healing properly from the D&C procedure.

Today, 03/11/2013, physically my body is slowly healing and I'm happy about that. Emotionally? Hah, I'm a mess. There are days where I'm okay and feel fine. Then there are days where I just stay in bed or at home all day and cry about every little detail that reminds me of that horrible day.

Future plans? My boyfriend has expressed very much that he'd love to try again ONCE I'm ready and willing to. He wants me to be the mother of his child(ren) and just the thought of that, makes my heart smile! As much as I can't wait to try again my emotions have me so paranoid and scared!

When does it get better??

((Missing Our Angel, Elijah Roman))
Mommy & Daddy love you! 02-16-13

Hi ladies. My heart aches after reading all of your stories. I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm Lindsey (28 ). My husband's name is Tyler (26). We've been TTC for almost 2 years (in May). We found out on our second wedding anniversary (July 12, 2012) that he is azoospermic (zero sperm count). A second SA (sperm analysis) showed the same result and confirmed the diagnosis. His urology appointment showed no reason, they offered a $10k exploratory surgery to basically explain why he has none, and search for sperm for potential IVF. An alternative, we could do IUI with donor sperm.
After letting the idea sink in for a few months, we decided in December that we would go forward with IUI with donor sperm. IUI was done on 1/23/13 after a positive OPK the day before.

While on vacation, I started to bleed on 2/5 through 2/9. It was light but I wrote it off as my period.

On Valentines day I started cramping and I started to spot brown blood. I thought it was possibly early O bleeding. The next day I took an OPK (on what I was thought was CD 11). It was a strong positive within a minute.

Knowing that LH and HCG mimic each other, I took a HPT and got a BFP immediately.

I was elated! But then the bleeding turned red and got heavier. I had severe menstrual like cramps. I had a beta draw that afternoon and it was 588. I prayed it was just normal early pregnancy cramping and bleeding.
2 days later, my beta was 575. I had an appointment with an OB on President's day and I was told I was miscarrying but they could not rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I thought that was really silly since I was not having cramping or pain on one side. My bleeding got heavier over the next few days, I passed large clots. I thought I was just passing the embryo. The bleeding did not decline... or if it did it just picked back up again in a few hours.
I went in for another beta on 2/22, it was 395. I was relieved to see such a low number. I was told to come back for another beta in 2 weeks. But me, being inquisitive, went in again on 3/1 for a repeat draw. The results were shocking, 607. I thought maybe I had a vanishing twin. I got a phone call from the OB's nurse and was told to go in for an ultrasound next week. It was scheduled on 3/5. The ultrasound revealed a large ectopic pregnancy. The embryo was 5cm in my left tube.


Sorry for the picture overload, I'm a visual person.

I had laprascopic surgery to remove it on 3/6.  

We are not giving up. I know I have an increased chance of having a repeat ectopic. I have an appointment with my RE on 4/19 to discuss an hsg and monitoring for our next IUI. We were told we need to wait at least 2 normal cycles before we can try again. I'm hoping that will be in May or June this year.

hi 
you can call me jay&i'm 23years young.
i have been in my current relationship for 2yrs&4mos.
born&raised in jersey, living in Kentucky.
i'm a very open-minded, free-spirited, caring individual. &i don't have time for shallow, close-minded, malicious people. i'm open about what I've been through& NOT ashamed to talk about it.

when i was 18, still in high school&living with my then boyfriend, i found out we were expecting our first child. the day i saw those two pink lines, i cried. i was so scared, yet excited at the same time. wanted to do everything possible to give that child the life that he/she deserved.
when i was 6wks, i started spotting. went to the ER, they treated me like i was an idiot...the ignorant nurse told me "it was normal to bleed". they performed an ultrasound&when they got the results back, the dr. told me that i had a "tear in between the uterus&placenta". he noted that there was a "20%-40% chance" that i could miscarry. i'd like to know where he came up with those numbers.
i received very poor ob care. they treated me as if i was going to be another teenage dead beat. when i was 22weeks, my water broke&they had to deliver my daughter. they didn't bother putting her in an incubator, and told my then boyfriend that she had 10, maybe 15 minutes. she ended up living for 1hr2mins.
june 29, 2008.
people told me that i was NOT a mother, and spread horrible rumors about me.

i had my second daughter in November 2011 at 37weeks due to the amniotic fluid leaking(from a tear or something, i supposed). the pregnancy was uneventful&went well. *different father than my first*

when she was 3 1/2 months, i found out we were expecting our second child together. i knew something was wrong the entire time, same horrible feeling i had with my first. my ob kept telling me everything was fine. we learned we were having a boy&couldn't have been happier. at 25weeks(September 2012), i began hemorrhaging from an abruption. they had to put me completely under for an emergency C-section (because there was a "chance i wouldn't make it")&received a blood transfusion. my son had complications due to his extreme prematurity&lived for 2weeks. it was the most heart wrenching, stressful two weeks of my entire life.

i'm currently 9weeks pregnant with baby #4. they did an ultrasound to determine my due date two days ago. there is a "small bleed" between the placenta&uterus. my ob said that he has seen this in other women and the outcome has been fine, but because of my history i need to see a high risk doctor. tomorrow i have an appointment with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist&i'm scared to death...

I'm Lauren, 19, my husband's name is Danny. We started having kids at a very young age. I was only 16 when our daughter was born. We learned at about 14 weeks into our daughters pregnancy that we were supposed to have twins, and at the 20 week ultrasound, our daughters twin had no heartbeat. Shortly after our daughter was born, we found out we were pregnant again, with another little girl who passed away from SIDS in February 2011. After having a bit of a rough time with raising our daughter together, we broke up and I got pregnant again with my at the time boyfriend's child. It was about 3 weeks into the pregnancy when I miscarried. I got back together with my husband and we are now expecting a little boy in June.

Hi i'm Hiedi

Friday 22nd March 2013 R.I.P Lola Jayne
Today my day started out just like any other , i woke with a smile knowing today i was 19 weeks Pregnant only 21 more weeks to go and we would have another Beautiful bundle to sharing our life , and in 2 more weeks my 21 week scan would tell us if it was a girl or boy , as i had been thinking all this time it was a little girl, my son went off to kinder and we came home, at lunchtime i had a little tummy ache but nothing really to noticable, i went back to kinder to get my son nothing felt too wrong, i just worried like every other pregnant mum as i had been having slight spotting,
i got home at 3.30 i thought best to ring the midwife, she reasured me it would be nothing to worry about its common, if things got worse come to A&E, i did a pregnancy test it came back positive, but the worrying was getting the better of me, so off i went to the hospital thinking this is probley a waste of time, but best to check, the spoting had stopped the pain was just a slight cramp,
i'll be back home in an hour or so.. feeling silly for worrying so much... I WISH !
the usual test were done bloods, water, etc everything came back ok, my HCG levels were low, but they said at 19 weeks they don't worry about them, they said they would do a scan, but the machine was very old they did the scan,we thought we could see a little flutter of the heart phew, then the doctor said again he couldnt say 100 % it was the heart or not, another doctor came a while later did the same scan again, we could see the baby,from the back everything looked ok, but i didn't see movement or a flutter this time , the baby could be just sleeping and again the machine might not pick it up, if the placenta was at the front,
by now my heart is breaking something is wrong i can feel it, before i kept reasurring myself everything will be ok, everyone keeps saying it will be ok, it was getting late now they said i could go home and come back in the morning for a scan with the Sonographer that will show everything, they rang him at home to ask what time, he said i'll be there in 40 minutes, i don't want to make her wait all night, i was relieved in one way and so scared in an other, this would be it ! a sigh of relief or my world would fall apart !

It was time i didn't think my legs would walk to that bed, as i led there and he moved the thing a round my tummy,my world fell apart at 10.16pm he told me "i'm so sorry the baby has passed away" i asked just one question, if he could see if the baby was a boy or girl? he couldnt say for sure but thought girl, Our Precious little girl was gone.
After i arrived home my nephew and his wife had just given birth to a beautiful little girl on the same day my angel left me, i led in bed crying know my baby inside was gone and saturday would be the final good bye when i went back to the hospital to have her </3

My name is Ashley & I'm 21 years old. As of yesterday, April 7th, it was a year since I miscarried my very first pregnancy. I was only 6 weeks along. I went in for my first ultrasound expecting to see my baby healthy and with a heart beat. Instead I see a little blip on the radar and no sound. It was then that my midwife told me that I was either not far enough along to hear a heart beat, or it was a pregnancy that didn't take and I was going to miscarry, and that only time would tell. Literally that same exact night, it happened. It wasn't until just three months ago that I found out that what I most likely had was a chemical pregnancy and that it was practically a miscarriage from the time of conception.

I am very proud and happy to say that right now I am pregnant for my second time and am currently 13 weeks along. It took a year of trying, but it finally happened again  

My name is jenifer .i lost my 2 living children already . I know the depth of the loss but it was my hubby which pulls me through it .He is the reason i am still living . He means everything to me and of course our 2 other children ..


Life is so hard sometimes .Without my hubby i don't think i would have survived .He is my everything

My name is pam and i miscarried 2 times but came out of it and now my and my hubby have 2 grown children .I am a grandmom now

I'm Kelly I'm 24 i have a 4 yr old son i had in march 2009. A daughter whose 2 on November 10 2010. And then i was pregnant due dec 9th 2013 started bleeding sunday april 21st yes three days ago. Then i went to e.r twice that day got to c my baby on the u/s and i have one pic of my angel baby. Then today 4 23 2013 i went to er again and they confirmed my baby its gone. Its sad but i can deal with it. Its my first m/c had me worried too death. But all things happen for a reason.....

hello my name is soria

i have posted on here about my other daughter who passed shortly after birth

but this is about my 6 year old who passed away 15 days ago she was the most beautiful little girl
im so proud to be her mamma

i know people say time gets easier but i don't im still grieving my miscarriage i recently had and the death of my second daughter

and now the death of my first princess

people keep saying to me it will get easier i wish it does but they dont know how you feel in till they go through it and i wouldn't want anyone to have to go through this