re: Introduce Yourself....
posted 18th Sep '07
I WANT TO THANK ALL U BRAVE MOMMIES FOR TELLING YOUR STORIES SO MANY OF US WOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MANY THING CAN GO WRONG WHEN WE CONCIEVE AND ONCE WE HAVE A SUCESSFUL PREGNANCY WE THINK ALL IS GOOD BUT I WANT TO GIVE U ALL MY BLESSING WITH UR PREGNANICES AND FUTURE CHILDREN
quoteI have 1 child & live in Virginia
5314 postsposted 23rd Sep '07
aww what a sweetie!
quoteI'm due June 14th, have 2 angel babies & live in Eugene, Oregon
66 postsposted 26th Sep '07
Hi, my name is Angel. I am 23 years old and I live in Tennessee. I joined this group over a year ago, but stopped coming here because of all the drama. I had a normal pregnancy, and was completely in love with having my second child! I'm married to a wonderful man named Eric, and my daughters name is Destiny and she's 4. Here's my story:
My son was born on 5/30/07 at 37.5 weeks. He was a healthy 7lb 4oz 20" long beauty baby boy. The entire time I was in the hospital I wouldn't let them take him out of my room unless it was required and even then I would call every 10 minutes asking when he could be brought back. That night my husband had to go home for the the night because my daughter (Destiny, who is only 4) wasn't allowed to stay there overnight due to some stupid rule. I still didn't let the nursury take him, and I actually stayed awake most of the night because by the time I could finally bring myself to stop looking at him, they would come in to do one thing or another. We went home the next day and neither my husband or I could put him down. Even big sis was all over him! He was loved from day 1. The first night we spent at home was a rough one. Between his circumcision and him having burping/gas problems we didn't even get to try to sleep until 5am and then we only slept for about 2 hours because when he woke up for a feeding he woke Destiny up. My wonderful mother in law came down that day to help out. Since she lives over 2 hrs away and we had no room for her she stayed at my sister in law's at night but spent the majority of the next 3 days with us. Michael still wasn't sleeping much at all at night and was still having gas problems so we were exhausted. After my mother in law went home early Monday morning we concentrated on trying to settle into somewhat of a routine, trying to keep him up a little during the day and putting rice in his bottle before bed trying to get him to sleep longer at night, figuring out how to juggle 2 kids at the store instead of only 1 when we went into town- that sort of thing. When he was about 1 1/2 week old we went and had his and Destiny's pictures made. I was going to wait until he had his eyes open more, but couldn't wait to show off my new bundle of joy, so I thought - what the heck. We took him everywhere there was someone we knew in hopes of showing him off, and sharing our joy. We even went to his work to show him off 3 times! The days went by fast and already that made me sad because I was scared of him growing up too fast. It seems like I just brought Destiny home and she'll be starting Pre-K this year! But still, things were so wonderful. My life was finally just the way I wanted it, and we were all so happy. When he was exactly 1 month old he was up more than usual during the day and exceedingly fussy. He was wanting to eat every 30 minutes or so! He was a good eater but every 30 minutes for even for him was unusual. I was trying to suprise my dear, hardworking husband with a home-made chocolate pie for when he got home. His favorite, but my first attempt at making it. I was frustrated because I wanted to do something special for him, but Michael wouldn't let me put him down! Why couldn't he stop crying for 20 minutes for me to make the pie! I did get it made and proudly showed it to Eric when he got home. It was Saturday, his extra long work day, and he was happy to see that waiting for him. He came in and loved on the kids, and ate. Michael fussed the whole time, but he stopped if we picked him up so we thought it was just him wanting to be held. After dinner Eric tried to calm him for a while and then I laid on the couch with him trying to feed him. He didn't seem to want to eat, but did seem sleepy so I asked Eric to lay him down in the other room. Since his room is connected to the living room we laid him in the bassinet in our room so it would be quieter. As soon as he laid him down he cried for a couple of minutes and then got quiet. We were thinking it was him wanting to be held so we didn't check when he cried, and then when he quieted, we thought being up the whole day had just worn him out. Little did we know that would be the last time we heard our little boy cry.
*If you're still reading this-Thank you*
I was watching a movie and Eric was online and I wanted to wait until my movie was over to go to bed. I noticed the air was on, and his bassinet is under the vent so I asked Eric if he had moved it and he said no-he'd forgotten. Instead of risking waking him up we turned the air off because we knew he'd be tired after being up so long. We took a shower and brushed our teeth. Eric went out of the bathroom but I had to potty. When I opened the door, Eric turned away from the bed where the bassinet was now sitting. He was ghost white and his eyes wide as he said- Stacey I don't know what's wrong with him! I turned on the light to find my child blue and white and lifeless. I started screaming and Eric called 911. The ambulance was here in under 3 minutes and the paramedic came and took Michael from my arms. I had somehow gotten to the hallway and was sitting in the floor screaming. We got Destiny up and told her to put her shoes on. I went outside where, instead of getting to know if my son was dead or alive or what was going on, I was questioned. For what seemed like forever I stood there answering this police officer who seemed unconcerened that my precious baby was in that box on wheels and I wanted him... finally he told us to go to the hospital and wait for them to bring him and that they would have to look in our house but would lock up when they left ( like that was a comfort). We left and went 2 blocks over to the hospital and waited. Why does time go so slow during times like this? I made phone calls to try to stay calm, but about lost it when the ambulance pulled up. We were taken back to a room to wait on news from the doctors. The nurse came in saying they were still working on him, and that that was a good thing. We got seperated and questioned by an investigator, but was assured it was just proceedure.We waited, and waited and finally the doctor came in.... with a sad expression. He told us that they had tried for 47 minutes to restart his heart and to restart his breathing, but were unsuccessful. He said they had to clean him up before we could see him, but had to leave the tubes in because- because of his age he had to be sent to Nashville for an autopsy. We waited and waited some more and my mother showed up in the meantime from an hour away, and my sister in law came to get Destiny to take home and finally we were let back to see him. We walked in and saw our precious child laying there dressed in an outfit and wrapped in a blanket both donated by the hospital. We held him and the smell of death surrounded us. He was still blue, but now more white and had a tube comming out of his mouth and hand. We held him for a long time until it seemed as though the longer we held him the harder it would be to let him go. We had no choice but to let them come take him away and return home.
*Once again, if you're reading this... you're a true friend*
I don't remember the ride home. I remember having to walk into my house very well, however, for it was one of the hardest things. To walk into my home and see all of his things sitting there just like they were waiting for him. They were going to put all of it in his room and close the door like I had said I wanted, but once I got there I didn't want it moved. That night I thought I would lose it, as I thought several more times over the next few days.
Since then we have had to go shopping for clothes (the one time in my life I didn't want to shop), buy the last outfit my son will ever wear, visit the funeral home to set up when my son was to be viewed and put into the ground, actually attend the viewing and funeral, and now..... now we are home. Destiny is a great comfort and probably the only reason we pulled through this. I still have one of my babies, but still grieve for the life we lost.
Now, we would do anything to hear him cry even all day. Do anything to be exhausted. Do anything to have to juggle our children at the store. We walk around smelling everything we haven't absolutely had to wash and touching everything that he touched. I never knew soured milk mixed with lavender smelled so good. We sleep with the blanket that was in his crib every night and talk about him a lot. Anything that helps. We try to stay busy, but we still second guess every dicision we make where it concerns Destiny. Everyone was worried that we would turn on each other in our time of grieving, but in reality it has brought us closer. When we feel like we are falling into the oblivion, we cling to each other and always will.
quoteMy son was born on 5/30/07 at 37.5 weeks. He was a healthy 7lb 4oz 20" long beauty baby boy. The entire time I was in the hospital I wouldn't let them take him out of my room unless it was required and even then I would call every 10 minutes asking when he could be brought back. That night my husband had to go home for the the night because my daughter (Destiny, who is only 4) wasn't allowed to stay there overnight due to some stupid rule. I still didn't let the nursury take him, and I actually stayed awake most of the night because by the time I could finally bring myself to stop looking at him, they would come in to do one thing or another. We went home the next day and neither my husband or I could put him down. Even big sis was all over him! He was loved from day 1. The first night we spent at home was a rough one. Between his circumcision and him having burping/gas problems we didn't even get to try to sleep until 5am and then we only slept for about 2 hours because when he woke up for a feeding he woke Destiny up. My wonderful mother in law came down that day to help out. Since she lives over 2 hrs away and we had no room for her she stayed at my sister in law's at night but spent the majority of the next 3 days with us. Michael still wasn't sleeping much at all at night and was still having gas problems so we were exhausted. After my mother in law went home early Monday morning we concentrated on trying to settle into somewhat of a routine, trying to keep him up a little during the day and putting rice in his bottle before bed trying to get him to sleep longer at night, figuring out how to juggle 2 kids at the store instead of only 1 when we went into town- that sort of thing. When he was about 1 1/2 week old we went and had his and Destiny's pictures made. I was going to wait until he had his eyes open more, but couldn't wait to show off my new bundle of joy, so I thought - what the heck. We took him everywhere there was someone we knew in hopes of showing him off, and sharing our joy. We even went to his work to show him off 3 times! The days went by fast and already that made me sad because I was scared of him growing up too fast. It seems like I just brought Destiny home and she'll be starting Pre-K this year! But still, things were so wonderful. My life was finally just the way I wanted it, and we were all so happy. When he was exactly 1 month old he was up more than usual during the day and exceedingly fussy. He was wanting to eat every 30 minutes or so! He was a good eater but every 30 minutes for even for him was unusual. I was trying to suprise my dear, hardworking husband with a home-made chocolate pie for when he got home. His favorite, but my first attempt at making it. I was frustrated because I wanted to do something special for him, but Michael wouldn't let me put him down! Why couldn't he stop crying for 20 minutes for me to make the pie! I did get it made and proudly showed it to Eric when he got home. It was Saturday, his extra long work day, and he was happy to see that waiting for him. He came in and loved on the kids, and ate. Michael fussed the whole time, but he stopped if we picked him up so we thought it was just him wanting to be held. After dinner Eric tried to calm him for a while and then I laid on the couch with him trying to feed him. He didn't seem to want to eat, but did seem sleepy so I asked Eric to lay him down in the other room. Since his room is connected to the living room we laid him in the bassinet in our room so it would be quieter. As soon as he laid him down he cried for a couple of minutes and then got quiet. We were thinking it was him wanting to be held so we didn't check when he cried, and then when he quieted, we thought being up the whole day had just worn him out. Little did we know that would be the last time we heard our little boy cry.
*If you're still reading this-Thank you*
I was watching a movie and Eric was online and I wanted to wait until my movie was over to go to bed. I noticed the air was on, and his bassinet is under the vent so I asked Eric if he had moved it and he said no-he'd forgotten. Instead of risking waking him up we turned the air off because we knew he'd be tired after being up so long. We took a shower and brushed our teeth. Eric went out of the bathroom but I had to potty. When I opened the door, Eric turned away from the bed where the bassinet was now sitting. He was ghost white and his eyes wide as he said- Stacey I don't know what's wrong with him! I turned on the light to find my child blue and white and lifeless. I started screaming and Eric called 911. The ambulance was here in under 3 minutes and the paramedic came and took Michael from my arms. I had somehow gotten to the hallway and was sitting in the floor screaming. We got Destiny up and told her to put her shoes on. I went outside where, instead of getting to know if my son was dead or alive or what was going on, I was questioned. For what seemed like forever I stood there answering this police officer who seemed unconcerened that my precious baby was in that box on wheels and I wanted him... finally he told us to go to the hospital and wait for them to bring him and that they would have to look in our house but would lock up when they left ( like that was a comfort). We left and went 2 blocks over to the hospital and waited. Why does time go so slow during times like this? I made phone calls to try to stay calm, but about lost it when the ambulance pulled up. We were taken back to a room to wait on news from the doctors. The nurse came in saying they were still working on him, and that that was a good thing. We got seperated and questioned by an investigator, but was assured it was just proceedure.We waited, and waited and finally the doctor came in.... with a sad expression. He told us that they had tried for 47 minutes to restart his heart and to restart his breathing, but were unsuccessful. He said they had to clean him up before we could see him, but had to leave the tubes in because- because of his age he had to be sent to Nashville for an autopsy. We waited and waited some more and my mother showed up in the meantime from an hour away, and my sister in law came to get Destiny to take home and finally we were let back to see him. We walked in and saw our precious child laying there dressed in an outfit and wrapped in a blanket both donated by the hospital. We held him and the smell of death surrounded us. He was still blue, but now more white and had a tube comming out of his mouth and hand. We held him for a long time until it seemed as though the longer we held him the harder it would be to let him go. We had no choice but to let them come take him away and return home.
*Once again, if you're reading this... you're a true friend*
I don't remember the ride home. I remember having to walk into my house very well, however, for it was one of the hardest things. To walk into my home and see all of his things sitting there just like they were waiting for him. They were going to put all of it in his room and close the door like I had said I wanted, but once I got there I didn't want it moved. That night I thought I would lose it, as I thought several more times over the next few days.
Since then we have had to go shopping for clothes (the one time in my life I didn't want to shop), buy the last outfit my son will ever wear, visit the funeral home to set up when my son was to be viewed and put into the ground, actually attend the viewing and funeral, and now..... now we are home. Destiny is a great comfort and probably the only reason we pulled through this. I still have one of my babies, but still grieve for the life we lost.
Now, we would do anything to hear him cry even all day. Do anything to be exhausted. Do anything to have to juggle our children at the store. We walk around smelling everything we haven't absolutely had to wash and touching everything that he touched. I never knew soured milk mixed with lavender smelled so good. We sleep with the blanket that was in his crib every night and talk about him a lot. Anything that helps. We try to stay busy, but we still second guess every dicision we make where it concerns Destiny. Everyone was worried that we would turn on each other in our time of grieving, but in reality it has brought us closer. When we feel like we are falling into the oblivion, we cling to each other and always will.
I live in New York
658 postsposted 28th Sep '07
Ok, well i think its about time I introduced myself properly.
My name is Viv, i am 22years old and I lost my first baby, Andrew at 32weeks in 2004.
I had just turned 19..
I just had my regular appointment, and the dr. couldn't find a heart beat.
I had an uneasy feeling about it beforehand and dragged one of my mates along with me for moral support... (i think in the back of my mind I knew that he was gone, I had been feeling abit unattached from my pregnancy for a couple of weeks before hand...)
well, the dr. couldn't find a heart beat so I was told to rush to the next town (about an hour away) to see what was going on, it took me ages to get through to my fiance's boss that i needed him home asap, when he got home him and his mother took me over to Wagga (the next town over as we had no ultrasound facilities in our town) and we found out that he was gone for sure.
I think that was the longest day of my life... Once we had called my parents and got a hold of everyone we 'needed' to, we were sent to the next hospital over to be induced.
......It took 3 & 1/2 days for me to have my son....... When my body was finally ready to deliver, I felt like i was on another planet.there was that much crap in my system that i had no idea what was going on (the midwives and dr.'s kept me pumped full of pethadine to 'take my mind off things') , all i remember from his birth was a couple of midwives walking in and out and my fiance kissing me on the cheek and forehead alot.
I was pushing for about an hour and heard that he was breech (bottom first not feet) and that the midwife was pissed at the sonographer for not telling them, then I heard something about his head being stuck, it took me another half hour or so (i am told) to just deliver his head! unfortunately, he ended up with a badly broken jaw from being breech along with a squished nose.
when i looked at his poor little face i didn't believe that he was my baby, it just left a completely empty feeling in me looking at him.
He had dark brown eyes and a little bit of brown hair just like his daddy...
on 22nd of August, 2004 at 12.54am, i gave birth to my precious little gem, Andrew John at 2lb13oz...
As i felt his poor little body had gone through too much already, I couldn't justify having an autopsy performed, the dr. told me that he looked like he had downs so i consented to having a piece of cartlidge taken from his knee to be tested, It came back with nothing (i knew it)...
Other than that, every test that was taken out on me and the placenta either came back normal or didn't come back at all (really hard to get answers about placenta that is sent away here as there is not much funding for research)...
all we understood was that he had died probably the day before i went to the doctors (but if you ask my fucked up MIL, he had died a week before i went, stupid bitch)
and that it looked like my placenta had started shutting down about a month before that by the look of it and Andrew's size( we got that he was growth retarded on his certificate of stillbirth... )
we buried him on the Wednesday after we came home and i bottled up my feelings, went back to work and started planning my wedding.
I think that was the biggest mistake i have ever made, i listened to everyone telling me that I needed to be strong for my fiance and the rest of my family... that i had to deal with it because I had fallen preg again within 3months... I would be a bad mother to my unborn baby if i showed too much emotion towards the one that i had lost... I was ridiculed by my mother for doing stuff like writing Andrew letters and going to the cemetary and talking about him 'as if he was a real baby'...
then on the other hand, my MIL made me constantly feel like a piece of shit for losing HER first grand child and not giving HER the chance to see him alive, etc, etc... I was lost on both sides and all my friends were worried about was how they were wearing their hair to go out drinking with their boyfriends on the weekends!
In the end, i just gave up trying to remember my little one and focus on the new life inside me.
I finally gave birth to Lachlan Andrew on 4th of July, 2005... he was 5lb3oz and 48cm long -only 10days early- and have been focused on pretty much nothing but him since! he is the most beautiful little guy I have met. He is my savior, i went through quite a bout of post natal depression after having him but for so long now I have had nothing but happiness in my life with him (Lachy) and his father...
Now i am pregnant with my 3rd son, it is hard knowing that i am having another boy and the fact that it could happen again but im almost there and can't wait to have another little man to add to my collection!
i have had quite a rough time with this pregnancy so it really doesn't get any easier after you have had a healthy baby, it is still extremely scary knowing that you are responsible for a life that you have barely any control over.
Since i have been on this site, i have come to realise that it is fine to remember my son in whatever way i wish. if i want to do a scrap book, i will do a damn scrap book. If i want to look at his pics, i can. if i want to move things around on his headstone i will (having big problems with MIL as she has taken over everything to do with it and doesn't want to let me have any input whatso ever!)
Anyways..... i would like to thank all of the ladies that have posted about their experiences and helped others through their tough times. i am very proud of you all, you are the strongest people i have ever met. i wish you nothing but happiness in your lives...
I will leave you with a pic of my baby, Andrew John Lowes...
quoteMy name is Viv, i am 22years old and I lost my first baby, Andrew at 32weeks in 2004.
I had just turned 19..
I just had my regular appointment, and the dr. couldn't find a heart beat.
I had an uneasy feeling about it beforehand and dragged one of my mates along with me for moral support... (i think in the back of my mind I knew that he was gone, I had been feeling abit unattached from my pregnancy for a couple of weeks before hand...)
well, the dr. couldn't find a heart beat so I was told to rush to the next town (about an hour away) to see what was going on, it took me ages to get through to my fiance's boss that i needed him home asap, when he got home him and his mother took me over to Wagga (the next town over as we had no ultrasound facilities in our town) and we found out that he was gone for sure.
I think that was the longest day of my life... Once we had called my parents and got a hold of everyone we 'needed' to, we were sent to the next hospital over to be induced.
......It took 3 & 1/2 days for me to have my son....... When my body was finally ready to deliver, I felt like i was on another planet.there was that much crap in my system that i had no idea what was going on (the midwives and dr.'s kept me pumped full of pethadine to 'take my mind off things') , all i remember from his birth was a couple of midwives walking in and out and my fiance kissing me on the cheek and forehead alot.
I was pushing for about an hour and heard that he was breech (bottom first not feet) and that the midwife was pissed at the sonographer for not telling them, then I heard something about his head being stuck, it took me another half hour or so (i am told) to just deliver his head! unfortunately, he ended up with a badly broken jaw from being breech along with a squished nose.
when i looked at his poor little face i didn't believe that he was my baby, it just left a completely empty feeling in me looking at him.
He had dark brown eyes and a little bit of brown hair just like his daddy...
on 22nd of August, 2004 at 12.54am, i gave birth to my precious little gem, Andrew John at 2lb13oz...
As i felt his poor little body had gone through too much already, I couldn't justify having an autopsy performed, the dr. told me that he looked like he had downs so i consented to having a piece of cartlidge taken from his knee to be tested, It came back with nothing (i knew it)...
Other than that, every test that was taken out on me and the placenta either came back normal or didn't come back at all (really hard to get answers about placenta that is sent away here as there is not much funding for research)...
all we understood was that he had died probably the day before i went to the doctors (but if you ask my fucked up MIL, he had died a week before i went, stupid bitch)
and that it looked like my placenta had started shutting down about a month before that by the look of it and Andrew's size( we got that he was growth retarded on his certificate of stillbirth... )
we buried him on the Wednesday after we came home and i bottled up my feelings, went back to work and started planning my wedding.
I think that was the biggest mistake i have ever made, i listened to everyone telling me that I needed to be strong for my fiance and the rest of my family... that i had to deal with it because I had fallen preg again within 3months... I would be a bad mother to my unborn baby if i showed too much emotion towards the one that i had lost... I was ridiculed by my mother for doing stuff like writing Andrew letters and going to the cemetary and talking about him 'as if he was a real baby'...
then on the other hand, my MIL made me constantly feel like a piece of shit for losing HER first grand child and not giving HER the chance to see him alive, etc, etc... I was lost on both sides and all my friends were worried about was how they were wearing their hair to go out drinking with their boyfriends on the weekends!
In the end, i just gave up trying to remember my little one and focus on the new life inside me.
I finally gave birth to Lachlan Andrew on 4th of July, 2005... he was 5lb3oz and 48cm long -only 10days early- and have been focused on pretty much nothing but him since! he is the most beautiful little guy I have met. He is my savior, i went through quite a bout of post natal depression after having him but for so long now I have had nothing but happiness in my life with him (Lachy) and his father...
Now i am pregnant with my 3rd son, it is hard knowing that i am having another boy and the fact that it could happen again but im almost there and can't wait to have another little man to add to my collection!
i have had quite a rough time with this pregnancy so it really doesn't get any easier after you have had a healthy baby, it is still extremely scary knowing that you are responsible for a life that you have barely any control over.
Since i have been on this site, i have come to realise that it is fine to remember my son in whatever way i wish. if i want to do a scrap book, i will do a damn scrap book. If i want to look at his pics, i can. if i want to move things around on his headstone i will (having big problems with MIL as she has taken over everything to do with it and doesn't want to let me have any input whatso ever!)
Anyways..... i would like to thank all of the ladies that have posted about their experiences and helped others through their tough times. i am very proud of you all, you are the strongest people i have ever met. i wish you nothing but happiness in your lives...
I will leave you with a pic of my baby, Andrew John Lowes...
I'm due March 17th, have 2 kids & 1 angel baby & live in Australia
2364 postsposted 28th Sep '07
Angel and Viv-
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your babies and that you have a need to be here but I hope you find comfort and connection with other mommy's who may be experiencing the same thing as you.
quoteHi, I'm so sorry to hear about your babies and that you have a need to be here but I hope you find comfort and connection with other mommy's who may be experiencing the same thing as you.
I have 3 kids & 1 angel baby & live in Indiana
posted 28th Sep '07
Hi my name is sonya im 26 years old and i have 3 kids i live in milton keynes
i had a misscarrige about 5 years i was 8 weeks 5 day gone i am now pregnant again and im 10 weeks and 2 days i have bin for my dating scan already because the doctors thought i was 12 weeks but im 10 weeks
I am really scared that something is going to happen every little pain i get i think the worst
i feel pretty normal now
i did have sore nipples and consitpation
i did ask my midwife and she said it was ok as long as their is no bleeding
I have also a diabitic type 2 so im now injecting my self twice aday
quotei had a misscarrige about 5 years i was 8 weeks 5 day gone i am now pregnant again and im 10 weeks and 2 days i have bin for my dating scan already because the doctors thought i was 12 weeks but im 10 weeks
I am really scared that something is going to happen every little pain i get i think the worst
i feel pretty normal now
i did have sore nipples and consitpation
i did ask my midwife and she said it was ok as long as their is no bleeding
I have also a diabitic type 2 so im now injecting my self twice aday
I live in United Kingdom
47 postsposted 30th Sep '07
To all the moms who were brave enough to share your stories on here Thank you so much. I know that it couldn't have been easy to lose your baby.
Our little girl came as a complete and utter suprise to her dad an me and we just hope it can be healthy. I'm so scared that something will go wrong.
quoteOur little girl came as a complete and utter suprise to her dad an me and we just hope it can be healthy. I'm so scared that something will go wrong.
I have 1 child & live in Illinois
posted 4th Oct '07
My name is Amanda, I am 27 and I am due Feb. 9th with my 3rd child. I became pregnant for the first time right around my 21st birthday. I had a lot of bleeding in the beginning, but then it subsided and everything seemed to go pretty smooth from there. When I was 38 weeks, my baby was having decels in his heart rate. They checked to make sure I had enough fluid and then sent me to the hospital to sit on their monitors. Despite the fact that he was still having decels, I was sent home. I knew something wasn't right, but being young and having it be my first pregnancy I wanted to trust the doctor.
A week later I was getting ready for my doctors appointment and I was over come by panic. I was really worried about the baby and I didn't know why. I finally calmed myself down, trying to tell myself that it was just because I was so close to my due date and that I could go into labor at anytime.
I got to my appointment, they weighed and measured me.. then I went for my NST. Two nurses tried to find his heart beat. I had a sinking feeling and then they sent me across the hall for an ultrasound. The doctor scanned my belly and I remember seeing the outline of his head and then his ribs, but no heart beat... I some how drove myself home crying hysterically the whole way. You spend the first trimester worried about miscarriage, but noone ever tells you that the baby may die a week before your due date, or that one bad call from the doctor will leave you with a lifetime full of pain.
They induced me that night and he was born the next morning, so perfect, so beautiful.. and so still. We named him Brandon Xavier, his birthday is 1-15-02, he weighed 6lbs 2oz. We had an autopsy done, but nothing was found.
Nothing prepares you for walking into the funeral home and seeing that tiny casket, surrounded by flower arrangements that are bigger than your baby, or having to visit your child at the cemetary.
I became pregnant 9 months later, our second son turned 4 in July! I had a miscarriage in Feb....and I am now just holding my breath to get through the rest of this pregnancy! We are having yet another boy!
Despite the situation, it is nice to know that you are all out there. It makes you feel a little less lonely... and even though you know how the story is going to end, you're still routing for the happy outcome in the end! Good luck to you all, and God Bless all your little angels!
quoteA week later I was getting ready for my doctors appointment and I was over come by panic. I was really worried about the baby and I didn't know why. I finally calmed myself down, trying to tell myself that it was just because I was so close to my due date and that I could go into labor at anytime.
I got to my appointment, they weighed and measured me.. then I went for my NST. Two nurses tried to find his heart beat. I had a sinking feeling and then they sent me across the hall for an ultrasound. The doctor scanned my belly and I remember seeing the outline of his head and then his ribs, but no heart beat... I some how drove myself home crying hysterically the whole way. You spend the first trimester worried about miscarriage, but noone ever tells you that the baby may die a week before your due date, or that one bad call from the doctor will leave you with a lifetime full of pain.
They induced me that night and he was born the next morning, so perfect, so beautiful.. and so still. We named him Brandon Xavier, his birthday is 1-15-02, he weighed 6lbs 2oz. We had an autopsy done, but nothing was found.
Nothing prepares you for walking into the funeral home and seeing that tiny casket, surrounded by flower arrangements that are bigger than your baby, or having to visit your child at the cemetary.
I became pregnant 9 months later, our second son turned 4 in July! I had a miscarriage in Feb....and I am now just holding my breath to get through the rest of this pregnancy! We are having yet another boy!
Despite the situation, it is nice to know that you are all out there. It makes you feel a little less lonely... and even though you know how the story is going to end, you're still routing for the happy outcome in the end! Good luck to you all, and God Bless all your little angels!
I live in Michigan
564 postsposted 8th Oct '07
I wanted to thank all of you for being so strong and sharing your stories with all of us! My sister in law had a miscarriage on August 30, 2007 at 18 1/2 weeks. They made her deliver the baby. My beautiful niece, Nikky Dawnn, was 9 inches long and weighed 7 oz. She had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes, with nails and everything. She was so tiny! She was laid to rest on September 3 (my mother in law's birthday). The hospital almost wouldn't let them bury her because "anything before 20 weeks gestation isn't a baby". That is ridiculous!! It was the first child's funeral I have ever been to and it was very hard. We found out about 3 weeks later (September 28 ) that I was pregnant, and I felt horrible! I was excited because this is my second child and my husband (her brother)'s first, but at the same time I was so scared and so nervous because I know how hard it would be for my SIL to find out. I started reading through this topic looking for some help - ways to talk to her or help understand a little better what she is going through. She is doing much better now - she avoided me & my husband for a while after she found out - but she's ok with it now (at least as far as I know). This also has me very worried about my own pregnancy - the reason she miscarried is that the dr. says she just can't carry full term anymore (she has 2 daughters ages 8 & almost 1) - but it makes me nervous that something is going to go wrong with me too. I know it's stilly, but I worry! Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you - reading your stories and how you get through daily life has really helped me to understand more what she is going through and given me ideas of how to help her through it. I am so sorry that you have all had to go through this loss!
quoteI have 2 kids & live in Marietta, Ohio
posted 9th Oct '07
Well I've been a member here for a good amount of months. I think this suffering and loss section is a good idea sometimes it's just nice to know you are not alone. unlike all the posts I have read in here I am suffering from a loss of a different kind. I am 35 weeks pregnant this thursday and am so excited. It's been extremely difficult or me because 3 months and 2 days ago I lost my significant other, the father of my baby R.I.P. 7-7-07. It was a very tragic unexpected loss. I came home one night from work to find him dead. He was so excited about the baby, this baby was already his world and I was only 21 weeks at that point. I"m so greatful I still have this baby after the shock of all that. He didn't live to find out the sex, but I know now that it is a little girl thankfully girl names were the only one we talked about. If it wasn't for my little baby girl I don't think I would be here today,she's my little angel she saved my life and gives me a reason everyday to lift up my head and give everything I've got, it's a bitter sweet pregnancy. It gets hard keeping my head up sometimes and keeping my spirits high but I know that once shes here everything will be okay. I had to stop reading most of the posts on here because it was making me really sad and scared I would lose her, and that's just not something I could bare. Her name is Autumn Lily, and she should be arriving November 16th
quoteI live in Pennsylvania
401 postsposted 11th Oct '07
Hi Everyone,
My name is Amanda (21) my boyfriend (30) and I found out we were pregnant when I was 2 weeks pregnant back in may. Other than really bad morning sickness, a series of yeast infections and bit of spotting due to a yeast infection treatment the pregnancy was pretty normal until a few weeks ago. I have just copied this from another thread I posted in because I cry every time I type it.
So on the 26th we went to the Cincinnati fetal care center for testing. I under went something like 13 hours of testing that started at 6 a.m. my fiance is still out of the country and couldn't go with me so my mother went. It seemed like every hour they some new specialist would come back with news worse than the last causing me to have litterally a crying, shaking, nervous breakdown on the hour.
At the end of the day we sat in a room with serveral specialists everyone neonatalogist to fetal surgeons. Here is a break down of what they told us:
Baby Kayden does not have KTS but he does have a vascular malformation in his right arm. They can't tell exactly what type until he gets here but the condition isn't passed on from a parent but something that happens sporadically at conception. He has too many blood vessels and a non malignant (non cancerus) tumor in his right arm. Because there are so many extra blood vessels in his arm his arm its causing a type of suction effect and a heart condition called hydropsia (may or may not be spelt right) This means his heart is pumping harder than it should have to and suctioning blood out of other areas of his body including his brain before it has a chance to fully circulate. He is in heart failor. He has fluid on his heart, lungs and scalp.
His chance of survival with the heart condition are less than 50% (I read babies with hydropsi alone rarely survive) topped off with his other problems even less than that. they cannot tell me how much damage has already been done.
Treatment Options:
Steroids
I can take steroid shots that will do one of the fallowing things (they don't know have an statistics because it hasn't been done before)
a. make his arm and tumor smaller
b. make it larger
c. have no effect at all
steroids also increase my risk of developing mirror syndrome where I take on the baby's symptoms and go into heart failor at this point they only option would be to deliver wether the baby would make it or not to keep me from dying
Expirmental fetal surgery
they would insert a turnikit using small needles in utero that would cause the baby to lose his arms the effects are not known because it also has never been done before. Some of the possibilities included further brain damage to the baby, sugar problems and well basically anything.
letting nature take its course - they estimated he has 2 weeks to live with this option
letting the baby stay the way he is and hoping he will make it for treatment out of the womb we decided to go with this because well we don't want him to suffer and they seem very unsure of what it is they want to treat they are unsure of which of the three possible malformations it is. Also we were concerned about me going to heart failor...if I die we don't have the chance to try again.
He is very active and kicks and hits all day long. I am just worried we will lose him they were unable to give use any options with research to even give us an idea of what may happen. I don't know what to do I just cry and pray its like a nervous break down everyday. I love him so much and I can't help him.
Please everyone just keep him in your thoughts I know he is a fighter. I just don't know what I'll do if I wake up one day and he isn't there. The docs told me theres nothing I could of done to cause it or stop it but I still feel awful.
I mean they tell you eat right, take care of your body and go to your appointments and you get a healthy baby but that didn't happen. I can't watch ultrasounds or listen to the doppler because I'm so scared he will be gone. I still can't figure out why something like this would happen to a baby but I guess what ever happens, however fair or unfair it may be it is ment to happen that way.
October 11, 2007
Baby Kayden didn't move between 2pm Oct 9 - 10 am Oct 10 so the doc had me go in for an ultrasound. He finally started to move a bit in the waiting room he looked okay in the ultrasound other than the previously diagnosed problems. He was just laying there eating some fluid. He hasn't been very active today either. I am trying to stay positive but in the back of my mind I'm terrified. My galbladder is possibly swollen I am having terrible pain in the back of my right rib but they haven't got test results back yet. I have too much fluid in my tummy so I'm huge its causing a lot of back pain but I'm sure thats normal. Just trying to stay occupied.
quoteMy name is Amanda (21) my boyfriend (30) and I found out we were pregnant when I was 2 weeks pregnant back in may. Other than really bad morning sickness, a series of yeast infections and bit of spotting due to a yeast infection treatment the pregnancy was pretty normal until a few weeks ago. I have just copied this from another thread I posted in because I cry every time I type it.
So on the 26th we went to the Cincinnati fetal care center for testing. I under went something like 13 hours of testing that started at 6 a.m. my fiance is still out of the country and couldn't go with me so my mother went. It seemed like every hour they some new specialist would come back with news worse than the last causing me to have litterally a crying, shaking, nervous breakdown on the hour.
At the end of the day we sat in a room with serveral specialists everyone neonatalogist to fetal surgeons. Here is a break down of what they told us:
Baby Kayden does not have KTS but he does have a vascular malformation in his right arm. They can't tell exactly what type until he gets here but the condition isn't passed on from a parent but something that happens sporadically at conception. He has too many blood vessels and a non malignant (non cancerus) tumor in his right arm. Because there are so many extra blood vessels in his arm his arm its causing a type of suction effect and a heart condition called hydropsia (may or may not be spelt right) This means his heart is pumping harder than it should have to and suctioning blood out of other areas of his body including his brain before it has a chance to fully circulate. He is in heart failor. He has fluid on his heart, lungs and scalp.
His chance of survival with the heart condition are less than 50% (I read babies with hydropsi alone rarely survive) topped off with his other problems even less than that. they cannot tell me how much damage has already been done.
Treatment Options:
Steroids
I can take steroid shots that will do one of the fallowing things (they don't know have an statistics because it hasn't been done before)
a. make his arm and tumor smaller
b. make it larger
c. have no effect at all
steroids also increase my risk of developing mirror syndrome where I take on the baby's symptoms and go into heart failor at this point they only option would be to deliver wether the baby would make it or not to keep me from dying
Expirmental fetal surgery
they would insert a turnikit using small needles in utero that would cause the baby to lose his arms the effects are not known because it also has never been done before. Some of the possibilities included further brain damage to the baby, sugar problems and well basically anything.
letting nature take its course - they estimated he has 2 weeks to live with this option
letting the baby stay the way he is and hoping he will make it for treatment out of the womb we decided to go with this because well we don't want him to suffer and they seem very unsure of what it is they want to treat they are unsure of which of the three possible malformations it is. Also we were concerned about me going to heart failor...if I die we don't have the chance to try again.
He is very active and kicks and hits all day long. I am just worried we will lose him they were unable to give use any options with research to even give us an idea of what may happen. I don't know what to do I just cry and pray its like a nervous break down everyday. I love him so much and I can't help him.
Please everyone just keep him in your thoughts I know he is a fighter. I just don't know what I'll do if I wake up one day and he isn't there. The docs told me theres nothing I could of done to cause it or stop it but I still feel awful.
I mean they tell you eat right, take care of your body and go to your appointments and you get a healthy baby but that didn't happen. I can't watch ultrasounds or listen to the doppler because I'm so scared he will be gone. I still can't figure out why something like this would happen to a baby but I guess what ever happens, however fair or unfair it may be it is ment to happen that way.
October 11, 2007
Baby Kayden didn't move between 2pm Oct 9 - 10 am Oct 10 so the doc had me go in for an ultrasound. He finally started to move a bit in the waiting room he looked okay in the ultrasound other than the previously diagnosed problems. He was just laying there eating some fluid. He hasn't been very active today either. I am trying to stay positive but in the back of my mind I'm terrified. My galbladder is possibly swollen I am having terrible pain in the back of my right rib but they haven't got test results back yet. I have too much fluid in my tummy so I'm huge its causing a lot of back pain but I'm sure thats normal. Just trying to stay occupied.
I have 1 angel baby & live in West Virginia
posted 11th Oct '07
Hi Amanda!
I am so sorry to hear of Kayden's problems. It was terrible to lose my Brandon unexpectedly, but I cannot imagine what your are going through waiting for it to happen. Your are in my thoughts, and if he does pass.. know that he is in a better place and will not EVER suffer. That is one thing that helps me when I get down about Brandon, I know that he will never feel pain of any kind. We always have our angels in our hearts!
Amanda
quoteI am so sorry to hear of Kayden's problems. It was terrible to lose my Brandon unexpectedly, but I cannot imagine what your are going through waiting for it to happen. Your are in my thoughts, and if he does pass.. know that he is in a better place and will not EVER suffer. That is one thing that helps me when I get down about Brandon, I know that he will never feel pain of any kind. We always have our angels in our hearts!
Amanda
I live in Michigan
1776 postsposted 14th Oct '07
hello im new i have a 10 month old lil boy!!! i had a miscarriage on july 31st and me and my hubby are trying to conceive again...
quoteI have 2 kids & live in Aurora, Colorado
3 postsposted 18th Oct '07
Hello...
my name is Adriann and i'm 24. the first time i was pregnant i was 21 and it was a tubed pregnancy. i'm pregnant now and find out at 4 month my baby had a tubed defect. and he will not live after he is born. i had a choice to abort or to go on with the pregnancy. i wanted to cont.......
it's hard to talk about sometimes. i'm due oct 17 07 and still pregnant. he moves and kicks. my family and i are praying everything is going to be alright. i do have a boyfriend and he is 26. we have been together for about 4 years.
i wanted to cont....... because i did not have the heart to abort. i heard the the heart beat and feeling him move iside . i just could not do it. i love this baby so much.
quotemy name is Adriann and i'm 24. the first time i was pregnant i was 21 and it was a tubed pregnancy. i'm pregnant now and find out at 4 month my baby had a tubed defect. and he will not live after he is born. i had a choice to abort or to go on with the pregnancy. i wanted to cont.......
it's hard to talk about sometimes. i'm due oct 17 07 and still pregnant. he moves and kicks. my family and i are praying everything is going to be alright. i do have a boyfriend and he is 26. we have been together for about 4 years.
i wanted to cont....... because i did not have the heart to abort. i heard the the heart beat and feeling him move iside . i just could not do it. i love this baby so much.
I live in South Carolina
posted 23rd Oct '07
Baby Kayden is still hanging in there they gave him 3 days -2 weeks and its been nearly a month. I'm not sure what to hope for now as his chances of survival are slim even if I can get him here and I am worried that if I get him here I will just have to watch him suffer and be in pain sometimes I think it would be worse for him to suffer here than to pass. Its out of my hands now so if he was ment to make it he will.
I went to the ER last friday and my heart rate was going nuts & so was my blood preasure. In the span of 6 minutes it had gone from 110-163 BPM and was up and down everywhere in between. They gave me meds for that and my nerves all of the sudden laying still it shot to 183 and I really thought I was gonna die the room was blurry and I couldn't concentrate. turns out I had a pre exsisting heart condition I never knew I had. Its called SVT the doc said that it is like having an extra connector hooked into one of your viens. He said it can be easily fixed after the baby is born. He said it was probably never noticeable until I started experiencing the added stress of the pregnancy.
THEN as if the wasn't enough I have gal stones and my gal bladder will also need to be removed. they let me come home after a week and some days because they said I could be stablized with meds. its just been crazy.
quoteI went to the ER last friday and my heart rate was going nuts & so was my blood preasure. In the span of 6 minutes it had gone from 110-163 BPM and was up and down everywhere in between. They gave me meds for that and my nerves all of the sudden laying still it shot to 183 and I really thought I was gonna die the room was blurry and I couldn't concentrate. turns out I had a pre exsisting heart condition I never knew I had. Its called SVT the doc said that it is like having an extra connector hooked into one of your viens. He said it can be easily fixed after the baby is born. He said it was probably never noticeable until I started experiencing the added stress of the pregnancy.
THEN as if the wasn't enough I have gal stones and my gal bladder will also need to be removed. they let me come home after a week and some days because they said I could be stablized with meds. its just been crazy.
I have 1 angel baby & live in West Virginia
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