re: Introduce Yourself....

I am Heather and am 23 from NJ..My story is a little different then most and many people look down on me for it but I wanna share anyway..I know I have made some bad choices please don't down me for it..Even if you don't agree..First time I got pregnant I was 16..I was not ready for a baby at all and was in a VERY abusive relationship..After I confirmed the pregnancy at 5 1/2 weeks I had an abortion..It didn't really effect me to much because I was young immature and honestly very selfish..Then in 2004 while on birth control I got pregnant again..This baby I really wanted but at the time was doing ALOT of partying and was pretty hooked on drugs and knew I couldn't stop at that second so again this time at 6 weeks had an abortion..I was NEVER a person for abortion and hated what I was doing but I let many other people influence my decision..Also the doctor at that time said since I was on drugs in the beginning and got pregnant while on birth control the odds of the baby not having down syndrome were VERY high and I belived that at the time and she also said have an abortion..After that I became really depressed..ALL I wanted was that baby and began to hate myself for a short time got heavier into drugs..Then I decided if I was ever gonna be a Mother the first thing I had to do was get clean and healthy..Thats what I did..I was with my now husband then and after the abortion and drug use he left me because he said he would not stand by and watch me first kill our baby then myself..After getting clean we got back together and he proposed..We started trying again to get pregnant..Well, finally in September 2007 it happen and I was pregnant! It was the happiest thing..I bought many books and tried so hard to do everything right..Well in January I went to the hospital for slight bleeding and cramping and they said there was no heart beat and sent me home and said it would happen naturally..I didn't understand why this was happening and could only think I was being punished for the 2 abortions I had..Anyway a week and a half later at 13 weeks it happen..It was horrible! I pretty much went through labor for 2 hours pushing and bleeding BAD..Finally my husband called an ambulance because he thought I was loosing to much blood..My color drained and I was really weak..At the hospital they said the fetus was in my cervix and one more strong push would have pused it out..But they ended up doing it because I was to weak..I went home and just wanted to die..I was getting married in a month and just hated life..I stayed strong did NOT go back to drugs and realized I would get past it and after my body healed I could try again..This gave me courage and strength..Also my husband was very supportive and reasurred me often how strong I was..We went forth with the wedding and it was georgeous..On our wedding night we had sex again for the first time since the loss..We started trying again after that and on Fathers Day I found out I am pregnant again and this time everything is prefect! I had some minor bleeding but it went away and everything is fine..I see my doctor every 2 weeks and she is very helpful! My point is somethings happen for crazy reasonsbut NEVER give up hope and prey! Just because god doesn't answer right away doesn't mean he's not listening..I am not a big holy roller but I prey every night and thank god for forgiving me and making me pregnant again with "my miracle baby" I tell all girls now that are pregnant, NEVER let anyone influence your decision it's YOUR body and even if you think your not ready for a baby it doesn't mean you should go and just kill it..Theres many other options..I am here if anyone ever wants to talk and you can find me on my space to.. www.myspace.com/xobabyfeath22ox Thank you for taking the time to read this and like I said before please don't tell me how horrible I am for the decisions I made..BELIEVE ME! I already know..

Quoting Heather Lea:“ I am Heather and am 23 from NJ..My story is a little different then most and many people look down on ... [snip!] ... read this and like I said before please don't tell me how horrible I am for the decisions I made..BELIEVE ME! I already know..”

Dont be so hard on yourself. In my opinion: we all make mistakes and all that matters that u learn from them! And you did! I hope you will have a healthy baby now that you're ready for it!

This is the story of my wonderful baby, Louis Alexander Santry........

I have been a childrens nanny for the past 20 years. I always knew that one day i would have a baby of my own. I'd given so much love to the children i'd looked after and knew that i wanted to share that with my own baby one day.

I met a wonderful man, and we thought the world of each other. We both felt it only natural to try for the baby we both longed for.

After only one month of trying we were so pleased we had fallen pregnant. To say we were excited is an 'understatement'.






I didn't have an easy pregnancy. I was sick every day, but it didn't stop me smiling. I can remember walking to the local village, (i lived in Ireland at the time), and i was thinking that everyone knew i was pregnant as my tummy stuck out so much. Bless me....i was only two weeks pregnant at the time!!



I had a few extra scans because i felt my tummy was so very hard. Each time i was reassured that my beautiful baby was fine. Infact, the midwife at one visit said that mine was the liveliest baby she'd ever seen!
WhenI went for my 33 week scan Ichatted away merrily to the midwife. She took lots of photo's and poked my tummy. I laughed as she said she was trying to turn my little boy around. My little boy wouldn't move. I thought 'he is stubborn just like his mummy'!


The midwife said she couldn't see inside his tummy. I said "he must have one". She said "don't worry as there is a simple explanation. Sometimes when little boys 'wee' their tummys get clouded making them difficult to see." She told me not to worry and said for me to return on the following monday for another scan.

OffI went to book my next appointment. AsI was approaching the desk another midwife tapped me on the shoulder and asked me ifI would come and see the consultant straight away. He asked ifI was worried about anything, and naturallyI said about what the midwife had just told me. He said that the 'worst case senario' would be that my little boy had developed a hernia, and if this was the case they would put it right as soon as he was born.

I returned to work. I was looking after 3 lovely children, and had been with the family for 7 years. I told their mummy , about my experiences, as she too was a consultant at the same hospital. She also told me that there was nothing to worry about. I didn't give it another thought and spent the weekend buying more baby things for my boy.


The following monday morning, february 20th 2006, at 6:30am, my waters broke! I drove myself to the hospital, and was seen by a lovely midwife, who set about monitoring my little boys heart rate right away.
The ladyI worked for came to the hospital straight away.

The doctor who attended told meI was in labour, and thatI needed an injection for my babys lungs. The midwife gave me the injection in my leg, andI joked, "my babys lungs aren't down there!". She laughed and said no one had said that before.


After a while was taken by lift to the labour ward. On route though the doctors decided that it would be better to take me straight to theatre! All i could think of was how happy i was going to be to at last have my own baby, without having to hand him back to anyone at the end of each day.

My baby boy was monitored and they decide to deliver him straight away. My consultant said not to worry as if there were a hernia then he would be taken to a hospital in Dublin, and all would be well.

At 8:12am my beautiful baby boy entered the world. I didn't see him but the midwife showed me his little blue tag with baby boy on!


Then they wheeled him off wrapped up in a lovely blue blanket. I looked across and spotted the back of his tiny perfect head.

I was wheeled into another room, and was so excited. I said to my friend that i'd given her children so much love and at lastI could give some to my own baby boy! We cried and hugged each other. Two midwives came in, and. I said everything was fine, and i wasn't in any pain. They asked if i wanted to tell my family in England, butI said not untilI had my precious baby bundle in my arms.I knew they would be over the moon though.



After two hours of laughing and crying a doctor entered the room. I will never ever forget what he told me. He put his hand on mine and spoke quietly. Although i'd heard what he said i hadn't fully understood him. I said "it's ok, I can cope with anything". He spoke again. "I'm sorry you did not hear what I said Sandra. Your little boy is very ill. He has Edward Syndrome. He has about 1 hour to live."

I asked formy friends to come back into the room, andI relayed what was said. They broke down and cried.
The priest was called in and I named my strong little baby boy. I must admitI was in a state of shock, but finally called him
LOUIS ALEXANDER SANTRY.

They wheeled me in to see my little boy. He was the most perfect little baby boy you ever could have wished for. He looked so well thatI asked the midwife if the doctors could have made a mistake! She cried and said "I am so sorry Sandra, no they could not have". She pointed to Louis' chest and explained that all of his organs were 'up' in his chest. This explained why they couldn't see inside louis' tummy at the scan!

The priest came in and blessed my beautiful baby boy. It broke my heart so much. I loved and wanted him so much, more than anything in the world! Louis looked up at me. The midwife pointed out that his heart rate went up, and said it was because he knewI was his mummy.

That look on my precious babys face will stay with me as long asI live. Louis was so perfect. He held onto my finger with his tiny little pink fingers. My brave little soft Louis clung onto his life for 32 hours!


WhenI went back to see him the next morning his little face was all grey. I knew it was time to say goodbye. I told him thatI loved him more than anything in the whole wide world, but he couldn't carry on with this hard battle. I hugged him goodbye and left noenatal. I couldn't look back at him. How could i knowing i was going to loose my whole future?

My little Louis was so brave. I know he will remain in my heart forever.


I now have set up a baby loss forum to help other's and offer the support

we all so badly need.

R.I.P All our Children ......

Some people only dream of Angels
I have held one......


http://lifeafterdeath.forumup.co.uk

I must say that was the most beautiful but heart breaking story I have EVER read..It's been 10 minutes and I still can't stop crying..You are the strongest women in the world and wish you nothing but the BEST of luck in your future..

hello my name is nickie..i am 25.. on june 5th 08 i took a home preganacy test and it came out positive ..sooo i found out on july 24th that there was no heartbeat so i am misscaring..i was 11 weeks i have to have a d&c on tues..i feel that i have done something wrong cause this well be my 2nd misscarage my frist m/c i was only 7 weeks..and the m/c went normal with the bleeding and cramps..now being 11 weeks i have to have a D&C cause i well not m/c on my own..but the sad part is that the baby is still with me and i know that its past...i feel like its ok..but its not it has no heartbeat  i have no idea why this happend to me..but i am going to try and see why..makes me sad cause i see all these prego ppl around and im like at one time i was one of those girls with the big belly  i dunno i have a fear that i wont have another real pregnatcy..thats its just going to end in heart brake again..well thats me thanks for listening to me its so hard right now

Quoting Heather Lea:“ I must say that was the most beautiful but heart breaking story I have EVER read..It's been 10 minutes ... [snip!] ... I still can't stop crying..You are the strongest women in the world and wish you nothing but the BEST of luck in your future..”

Thank you for your very very kinds words.

Sandra xx

Quoting Heather Lea:“ I must say that was the most beautiful but heart breaking story I have EVER read..It's been 10 minutes ... [snip!] ... I still can't stop crying..You are the strongest women in the world and wish you nothing but the BEST of luck in your future..”

I feel the same way. This made me cry. Such a sad story!

Quoting jordins mommy♥:“ hello my name is nickie..i am 25.. on june 5th 08 i took a home preganacy test and it came out positive ... [snip!] ... pregnatcy..thats its just going to end in heart brake again..well thats me thanks for listening to me its so hard right now”

Don't worry, you're not doing anything wrong. Miscarriages happen all the time unfortunately. I had 2 myself. Of course it's heartwrenching, but it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. I wish you strenght in this and hope you will have a healthy baby of your own one day!

I'm not the one that was pregnant... it was my sisterwife... but we're all very sad and involved right now. In a way, this was "my" baby... Sis had twins 2.5 years ago, and they're wonderful, amazing babies, and we love them to pieces. But this was an "oops" baby and I was the only one who was very excited. Everyone else was all kind of blah about it. I really wanted this baby a lot... we don't even know if it is a boy or a girl, although I had a dream that it was a girl.

Sorry, I guess I'm not making a lot of sense right now. Sis was 17 weeks along... 18 weeks today actually. The baby apparently died about the 14 week point, or that's what they tell us. She had some spotting last week and went into the doctor on Friday, and they did an ultrasound and found no heartbeat. Then they did a full scan and found that the baby had stopped living about the 14 week mark, and that it had a large cyst on the back of its head and neck area, likely Down's Syndrome, and would not have survived.

I've never been so glad that my family is large. I've never needed my family more than right now. Sis still has the baby inside her, until Wednesday, as her body isn't expelling it. So she has to have a D&E on Wednesday. I'll be going in with her and Amo, and our other family members will wathc the twins while we're with her. It is unlikely we will be allowed to see our little baby.

Sis did get to see the ultrasound pic... she said the baby looked as if it were asleep, and praying, its little hands held together.

Sometimes I really wonder why/how things happen..But I like to think EVERYTHING happens for a reason..Obviously that baby had something wrong with it and maybe would have suffered later on so this is whats best..It's always sad and hard to get through..I could never imagine being that far along and having the baby "permenately go to sleep" I'm sorry for oyu and your sister..

Mariska If you don't mind me asking how far along were you when you experienced your losses?

Quoting Heather Lea:“ Sometimes I really wonder why/how things happen..But I like to think EVERYTHING happens for a reason..Obviously ... [snip!] ... sorry for oyu and your sister.. Mariska If you don't mind me asking how far along were you when you experienced your losses?”

I wasn't very far along yet. With the first I was 8 weeks, but the baby hadn't grown past 5 weeks. The second time I was probably around 6 weeks but it was hard to tell because I got pregnant right after my first miscarriage so no menstruation in between. So I had 2 early miscarriages in less than 6 weeks.

aww I'm sorry..That really sucks!and I was telling another girl..That's why they say wait ATLEAST one period before trying to get pregnant again..If you get pregnant to soon the odds of miscarriage go way up because your body has not healed from the first one..I see you added me on myspace :-) so I will talk to you on there..

Quoting Kim~haylee and asher's ma:“ *copied from my post in the other intro thread* My name is Kim, im 21 and so is my fiance Evan and we ... [snip!] ... to none, you can live off one perfect lung, but two imperfect lungs is a death sentence(as the jerky 1st specialst told us)**”

Awww, Im sooo sorry. I almost started to cry =[
Best of luck to you and your future babies <3

My names Brittany and i'm 21 years old.right now im 25 weeks pregnant.and things r so hard at the moment.a year and a half ago i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl name jasmine arianna.i loved her from the first i heard her heart beat.when she was born she was a month premature but th ats not uncommon or to bad.they transferred her to a better hospital with a nicu and days later told me she had a rare genetic disease that was undetected in my pregancy and didnt have more then a year to live.it was the worst thing ne ones ever told me in my life.she was in the hospital and hospice until she was 4 wks old then i was finally able to take her home and be with her alone.she only made it two weeks after that.i felt like my whole world fell apart and when i look back on it it's still so surreal and i cant believe it really happen.at time i didnt deal with at all and i just buried it deep inside and threw myself into work and making sure everyone else was ok.now with this pregancy its all coming back and it;s harder to deal with everyday.they've done so many test and ultrasounds on this baby and said hes fine but i still worry everyday.i just wanted to get this all off my chest cuz its so hard to talk to my family they'll start crying and feel so sry for me,i love my husband to death but we didnt know each other atthe time and he just doesnt comprehend the situation entirely.ne way i also want to say sorry to the other moms out there.whether ur baby was born or a miscarriage loss is hard no matter what and equally important

Hi my name is Carla. I have a wonderful vibrant little baby girl who just turned a year on July 5. My husband and I were not planning on having a baby just yet but in the middle of June we found out we were expecting again. After the shock wore off we were so excited to have another one. We have had such a wonderful year with our daughter and were ready to expand our family to four! We were due Feb 21. Everything seemed to be normal I felt great a little tired but that was it for the most part. With our daughter I had morning sickness until I was 7 1/2 months pregnant but not with this one. I should have known something was wrong. On Thursday July 24 I had my first doctor appointment and sonogram. My husband was so excited he left an hour early for the appointment. It was so cute. We went into the sono room and I was a little nervous for some reason. The tech found the baby right away. She said when was your last period again and then she stated the baby was measuring a week smaller than it should be. She then started pressing on my belly and said I am really sorry but there is no heart beat. I thought I was going to pass out right then and there. I could not beleive it. We had such rough pregnancy with Lily but everything turned out ok but this one I felt great and the baby passed away. I just dont get it. My doctor said he could do the D & C the next morning. I jumped on it because I felt the sooner the better. I just wanted that part over. I was so upset but I felt like it happens to the best of us and we would move forward and try again. But now days later I can't sleep I have bad cramps and I can not stop crying. I just wish things could be diffrent. I feel like it is my fualt that the baby died. That I did something wrong. My doctor stated that he could tell by looking at the sonogram that the baby was not healthy but I still can not help feeling like I did something wrong.