re: Introduce Yourself....

Hi! My name is Emily, and I have been on babygaga since March of 2007 during my 1st pregancy. My Husband, Rich, who is in the Air Force, and i were expecting our first baby on October 31st, 2007.

on tuesday, May 29th, 2007, i wasjust a couple days shy ofbeing5 months pregnant and i went to the doctor for an anatomy scan of the baby to make sure it was alright and if it was a little boy or little girl.

when they did the ultrasound, the nurse asked me "aren't you supposed to be OVER 18 weeks pregnant?" and i said "yes, why?" and she said "well, the baby doesn't look quite that developed, but we'll take some measurements and see..." then, a few moments later she said "ya know, your bladder isn't full enough yet for me to see very well, why don't you lay on your side for me for a few minutes and let it fill up the rest of the way and we'll look again in a minute?" and i said "ok."

she then said "i have to go to the front desk for a moment, will you excuse me?" and i said "sure..."

when she returned about 10 minutes later, she had a Physician's Assistant with her and said "this is Stacie Bhalla, she's going to do your ultrasound with me" and i said "ok."

they then began to rub the sonogram wand over my stomach again, and the nurse was speaking to miss. bhalla and she said "you see that?" and she shook her head yes, "and there?" and she shook her head yes, "and that?" and she shook her head yes, and the whole time she just had this look on her face like "that's so sad..." but wouldn't say anything to me, so i looked at her with tears already in my eyes and i said "what's wrong? tell me what's wrong!" and she quietly said "um...honey, your baby doesn't have a heartbeat..."

i didn't know what to say at first. i layed there with this numbing feeling going through my whole body. i finally said "so...what does that mean?" and she said "your baby's not alive anymore, it's stopped growing and it's heart isn't beating anymore, somewhere in the last week or so, it's died..."

i just became hysterical. i was crying and screaming, i couldn't think of what to do except cry and scream. i looked at her, i said "why?!? why?!? what did i do? what did i do wrong?" and she said "look, look, listen to me, you didn't do ANYTHING, it was nothing you did, right now, it looks like the baby may have had a heart defect or another problem, but something wasn't right, but it WASN'T you, you couldn't have done anything to prevent it"

i was still hysterical. no news like that could comfort me, the only thing that could have been said to calm me would have been "hang on, sorry, we were wrong, your baby's fine", but those were not the words i heard over and over, instead all i got were "i'm so sorry" and "it'll be alright" and "calm down sweetie" and "isn't it better to have found out now than when you had it?" but it wasn't.

eventually i was told that i will have to go back on wednesday, May 30th, 2007,for a second opinion at Gaston Memorial Hospital and then back on Friday, June 1st, 2007,for emergency surgery to remove the baby and placenta since i have had no signs of miscarriage or bleeding, they will either need toinduce my labor to deliver the baby myself by pushing or deliver it via c-section if their ultrasound results proved to be the same.

So I DID go to "the birthplace" at Gaston Memorial Hospital on June 1st, 2007 at 6:00pm and they induced labor at 7:00pm. Finally, at 4:40am on June 2nd, 2007, Richard and I's son was born. He weighed in at 5.1oz. and was 10 in. long. There was no sign of physical defect to him however. He was precious, a perfect looking baby, he had Rich's nose and everything, no way he was not his father's son, he was just very small. We decided to name him Matthew David May, which means "Beloved Child of God", since I know he is in Heaven with the Lord and being taken care of by Him.

the doctorWAS able to say after actually delivering Matthew and examining him and his placenta that the reason Matthew had not lived was NOT because of what they thought on the ultrasound were spots on him where a hole in his heart might be perhaps, but actually water pockets in his placenta and that because the placenta was taking up too much room with all the extra water pockets that he didn't have anymore room to grow and they believed he had suffocated; they did assure me that this was not my fault and i didn't drink too much water or anything, it was just something that happens to women a lot more often than you would think, but there is no known cause they told me.

but i am glad that the worst is over and that i was able to see Matthew and know he is in Heaven, i told him before they left that me and Rich loved him, and that God would take care of him until we see him one day.

I know it may sound unusual, but in a way, my grandmother was able to comfort me somewhat through my loss. On December 3rd, 1956 she gave birth to a full term still born baby girl, which she named Marlene. It had been 50 years since Marlene's birth when Matthew was born, and my grandmother told me "Emily, I know you're hurt, part of you will always hurt for your son, but you don't have to worry about your baby honey, because now my Marlene has someone to play with. She'll always take care of him, and they will always watch over us."

Eventually, in February of 2008, we decided to try again. This is our 3rd month of trying, and I'm excited to say that i feel like i have had some of the pregnancy symptoms i had before, and i should find out if i'm preggo again this friday! Please wish us luck!

Hi! My name is Diana and my husband's name is Vincent. I joined baby-gaga since I know im expecting our 1st baby back on 21st Feb 2008. Went to see doc to confirm it on 23rd Feb and e scan show I am 5 weeks pregnant andour baby is doing well.

Both of us are overjoyed. Its something that we have been looking forward to.Every check up went smoothly till I was into 12 weeks for the major check up on 14th April 2008. They did u/s on my tummy and asked if I have any bleeding problem and how many weeks im. She mention that my baby is not growing to the size it should be for 12 weeks so advise my doc for further explaination.

Went to see my doc after e result is out only to find out that e scan show no heart beat and our baby actually died not long aft my last check up when I waas 9 weeks. But how can it be when i didnt experince anything bleeding or other? I broke down and asked e doc "how my baby died?" "what happened?" e doc explain: it could be due to alot of reason and 1 of it could be your baby is abnormal so cant survive. Eventually I still have to come back e next day to remove it.

We were devastated. I kept crying no stop and blaming myself for what I did wrong and cant bring my baby to live. It has been part of us though its only 12 weeks, we start talking n singing to bond with our baby and now we have tolet it go.It really broke my heart as if part of me died along with it.Cant sleep e whole night coz e moment I close my eyes, all I think is our baby. Till now I still cry every now & then. The memory lives with us forever.

I only hope God is taking good care of my little one and that it knows that it is loved and missed by its Mommy and Daddy.

my name is Janice i am 21 years old and i lost my only baby 3 months ago. I was 22 weeks along when he passed away. When i was 11 weeks along they diagnosed him with gastroschisis where the intestines develope on the outside of the umbilical cord; then at 17 weeks they diagnosed my son with spina bifida and transferred us to a specialist. It was at the thoracic level which is the worse spot. At 19 weeks they noticed that his brain was forming in the lower back part of the head. At 22 weeks i went for an ultrasound and there was no heart beat. They told me it would happen but i carried him until then. My son was born 2/9/08. he weighed 6oz. I am not sure how to get through this; thought i would try a forum for support. I want to try for another baby but i am scared. i had tests done and it wasnt chromosomal and they dont believe its genetic. they say they are positive i will have a healthy baby; but they told me that before and look what happened. Do i try again or no? i feel thats the only thing to make me feel better is to have a baby. nice meeting you all!

Quoting janahus:“ my name is Janice i am 21 years old and i lost my only baby 3 months ago. I was 22 weeks along when he ... [snip!] ... happened. Do i try again or no? i feel thats the only thing to make me feel better is to have a baby. nice meeting you all!”

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It hurts so bad, but it gets better with time. I cried happy tears last night before I went to sleep for my baby and I let him know how much I missed him. It was the first time in almost a month that I cried and it's getting easier. Find some good support. If you're like me, you might have to find it here because you feel bad about dumping it on your SO all the time and it seems like no one else understands you. I'm here if you need someone!

As far as trying again goes, that's a decision that you have to make. We decided to try again, but only because the longer I wait, the lower my chances of having a baby go. I'm not trying to replace my baby because no one can ever do that and I don't think you should try to get pregnant again to fill that baby's place, but if you truly want it, go for it. I hope this has helped...

Quoting Jenn`GoneWild:“ Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It hurts so bad, but it gets better with time. I cried ... [snip!] ... you should try to get pregnant again to fill that baby's place, but if you truly want it, go for it. I hope this has helped...”

i am so sorry for your loss as well. This is hard on me; harders then i ever imagined. i go to sleep thinking about my son, i dream about him, i wake up thinking about him. i miss him teriibly. he is my best friend. Last night it really hit me hard, i was crying and theni just got extremely angry about it. i am a christian as well and i believe you shouldnt question the lords choices for you but sometimes it is difficult not to. I believe everything happens for a reason but i cannot find the reason for this. All i ever wanted was a baby, i lost him. Everytime i close my eyes i see his face on that ultrasound and how he would always give me a thumbs up like "its ok mommy". i am a mommy to an angel now, and i thank god for the 22 weeks i had with my son CJ. I am scared to try again, #1 i hate being in the hospital and i hate going to the doctors so i am afraid of labor still, and it terrifies me. I am also afraid that this is going to happen again, even though DR's say it wont...thats what they said the last time. Enough of my babbling...thank you for responding to me. my email is janice.walther@volvo.com i wish you all the best in your next pregnancy and i know it will be just fine. i look forward to hearing fro you.

Hello I'm Tracy 31 and pregnant with my 3rd child. In-between Caden & Lilly and Lilly & this baby I had a miscarriage. Little 10wk old Patch (we called him) looked perfect, 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes, little eyes and ears sweet little nose and mouth, but something we could not see wasn't perfect. His tiny body fit inside my wedding ring box witch we used to berry him in at the state park Ian and I were married in. Then two months later I was pregnant with Lillian we hadent even decided to start trying again. There I was thinking I had the flu, I called Ian at work and asked him to get me something to help me sleep, he brought home a pregnancy test instead and told me I was in denial. Maybe I was letting my fear protect me but it’s hard to be positive after such a loss. It wasn't until those sweet little kicks started coming that it all felt right again. In April my carrot top angel baby was born, I finally got to hold my beautiful little Lillian. Then in August o7 at only 8wks I lost another baby, it was so painful so heart braking. I called my husband at work and told him "it's happening again" the only words I could get out. He left work immediately then burst through our back door were I was whiting, he sobbed into me both of us so shocked why, why is our baby dieing! Laboring through a miscarriage is so sad it’s that same pain you long for once you’re to term and ready to just hold your baby. Those pains come to you in waves and you welcome them with joy, you know your baby will be with you soon. When you know your pregnancy has failed and the pains start to come they come with tears and loss instead of joyous gain, its just not fare they have to feel the same. The people around me didn't seem to understand what I had gone through, the pain, the loss of blood, of life. The Saturday I lost Patch my mother asked me to still come to a get together our family had planed previously, that it would be good for me. My God can anyone understand this pain, my own mother didn't even sympathize. I was dieing inside so saddened by my baby's death, so pail and weak from the blood loss and hours of laboring. Ian wanted to rush me off to the hospital, my mother wanted me to come to a party. I have finally found women that understand, thanks for letting me share with you my experiences. We are all powerful women in powerful bodies capable of powerful deeds; don’t let anyone take your power away.For anyone who has experienced the loss of a baby just know you are not alone. Time heals nothing so be strong and have faith, but most of all love yourself. The pain is there so we never forget them. Just know you will get to see them and hold them oneday, I have faith in that. -Tracy>^..^< My Loss my baby Patch

Quoting Diana is trying to concei:“ Hi! My name is Diana and my husband's name is Vincent. I joined baby-gaga since I know im expecting our ... [snip!] ... I only hope God is taking good care of my little one and that it knows that it is loved and missed by its Mommy and Daddy.”

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby Diana just know that your baby knows it is loved by you and Vincent. That love will keep your baby forever alive in your hearts. God bless you both!

Quoting karin mum of 3:“ hi my name is Karin i am 28 weeks pregnant with my fifthbaby i have 3 healthy beautiful little girls ... [snip!] ... weeks 3 day (12/07/2006) pregnant it was horrible to learn about it but it was for the best (which is very hard for me to say)”

Hi Karin, my name is Janice....like to be called Jana, i am 21 and i lost my son at 22 weeks to spina bifida (another neural tube defect like yours)....i just want wanted to know if you did anything different during this pregancy since this baby is healthy. i am very sorry for your loss, but very happy to hear your doing so good now.

I already have one story on this thread about my first baby, Peter, born alive-but too early-May 1st 2007. Now, sadly, I have another story to tell. I became pregnant in December '07 and was told by the docs that I would have a cerclage put in at 13 weeks and everything would be great. I was horribly sick the first three months, but I made it to 13 weeks and started feeling better. The surgery went great and we were all set for a happy, healthy pregnancy. At 16 weeks I went in for my regular appointment and learned that my cervix had funneled to the stitch. I was admitted to the hospital and put on observation. After 2 1/2 days of no activity I was sent home on bedrest. A follow up exam revealed that my cervix had closed completely and I was back in the safe zone. After two weeks I awake one morning to find some blood when I went to the bathroom. I rushed to the docs and was told that the cervix had thinned completely and the sac was bulging through and around the stitch. One good thing though...the baby was measuring bigger then I had thought, I was told that I was 21 weeks instead of 19. I was admitted to the hospital again and stayed for two more weeks. During that time I began leaking amniotic fluid, but was told that everything was stable. On Monday May 12th I went into labor because of an infection (even though I was on two types of antibiotic). The doc performed an emergency c-section because I was only 23 weeks 3 days and my baby boy was breech. Jacob Alan Nelson was born at 4:33 pm on Monday. He lived until 3:00am Wednesday May 14th when he lost the fight against the infection. I don't know if I will ever try again because I have been told that I have an extreme case of IC and this will probably happen with every pregnancy.

hi girls....
let me start off by saying i am trully sorry for your loss. i understand how much it hurts.
i too miscarried at about 2 months...i was10 weeks and starting to show. i was extremely excited. but b/c my periods are irregular and im ALWAYS nausious, and always have back aches i didnt really know i was pregnant till after two months i didnt get my pariod. i had a feeling but knew i was irregular, so i checked for 2 weeks.all of the test were negative except for the last two. but sadly around the time i was pregnant, my mother tried commiting suicide for the second time, my father was drinking more than ever, my fiance and i were arguing so much, work was hectic, skool was stressing me, i fell so lonely i got into deep depression. and when i found out i was pregnant i finally started getting happy. untill the next day, that i started bleeding a bit. i didnt really get to enjoy my10 weeks of pregnancy since i didnt even know about it in the beggining and it didnt last quite long once i found out...i lost my baby 2 days after. the same day i found out i was pregnant i had already chosen a baby name, since my fiance and i have wated one for quite some time, we had a whole list of baby names we liked. Angel Perez if it were to b a boy and Angelica Perez if it were a girl...and now i guess i had chosen the right name fo the baby, since now it is my little angel, looking out for her daddy and me...

Hello all! I am new...just signed up. I am estimated at 8 weeks. Since I assumed I couldn't get pregnant I never kept up with my cycles. They were always super regular which is why no one could figure out what my problem was! I tried for seven years with my ex husband and after the divorce and finding a boyfriend ( who I have been with a year and half) BA-BAM....I'm pregnant.

Jonathan has two beautiful little girls both age four. Identical twins. They live with us and I had gotten to a point where I was content in helping raise them. I had pretty much given up the thought of ever having my own. I love them very much. We are ALL very excited and I am a little shocked.

I am SUPER paranoid that something will go wrong. I keep having all this horrible thoughts of missed miscarriages. I am terrified I will show up at my first OBGYN appointment and they'll tell me the baby is dead. The appointment is on the 29th. It has become such a real fear that I can't think of anything else. It took me sooo long to get pregnant, even with the regular cycles, that I am convinced there is something wrong with me and this pregnancy was some kind of fluke that's eventually going to go south.

Am I crazy???