re: Why I Keep Going

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ Panama City is actually where Allyn and I went on our last trip together before he deployed. We took a long weekend away and had a great time. I really cherish those pics now.”

Aw is that where your profile picture is from? I recognize that pretty blue water  

Quoting Mandi♥Trinity{EBFB:“ Oh I know, you are right. Grief is definetely grief. With my ex, he had a severe drug problem. I spent ... [snip!] ... suddenly ripped away from you. I don't imagine there to be anything worse in the world, with the exception of loosing a child.”

You were with him when he was beaten to death?

holy crap mama

Quoting lolovio:“ You should really write a book. Fiction, nonfiction, whatever. You have such a way with words and such ... [snip!] ... Make as many good things come from this as you possibly can. I would buy your book. Whatever kind of book it might be.”

I'm writing a book of essays. Some on being a mommy in our world today, some on my time in the military and some on war and politics. Think Anna Quindlen.

Quoting Marilee & Micah [m&m]:“ Aw is that where your profile picture is from? I recognize that pretty blue water  ”

Nope. That is down by Sarasota.
This one is from Panama City Beach.

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ I'm writing a book of essays. Some on being a mommy in our world today, some on my time in the military and some on war and politics. Think Anna Quindlen.”

Very interesting. Even if it just ends up being something your daughters can enjoy 50 years from now, that is very cool. I wish I had the patience to write.

Quoting lolovio:“ Very interesting. Even if it just ends up being something your daughters can enjoy 50 years from now, that is very cool. I wish I had the patience to write.”

I really don't. That is why it is a book of essays. I can write a piece and be done with it without having to tie it to other pieces.

Goodnight ladies.

Quoting lolovio:“ You were with him when he was beaten to death? holy crap mama”

Yeah. We rushed him to the hospital, but he never regained conciousness. He had a bleed in his brain. He was pronounced brain dead about 12 hours after it happened.

Quoting Mandi♥Trinity{EBFB:“ Yeah. We rushed him to the hospital, but he never regained conciousness. He had a bleed in his brain. He was pronounced brain dead about 12 hours after it happened.”

MY GOD. How traumatizing.
I thank God every day I wasn't there when Allyn died.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ Thank you. Writing about it helps me, and having people read it helps me too. I kinda think that those ... [snip!] ... It would be hard for a kid to grow up with a stigma of not being wanted. This is why I don't believe in comparing grief.”

Just an idea for when the kids get a little bit older. A friend was planning on it for me, and just never did it. There's a company that you can purchase a star. You get to name it, and they send you a certificate and everything. Might be something that would give them a way to feel more connected to him... a way to talk to him or something. If you were ever interested in something like that.

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ Nope. That is down by Sarasota. This one is from Panama City Beach. ”

oops! at least its the same body of water hehe

Quoting stephaniewalters:“ MY GOD. How traumatizing. I thank God every day I wasn't there when Allyn died. I'm so sorry that happened to you.”

Thank you. It was def hard. I was lucky and my school was very understanding. This happened on a Thursday, and I was supposed to have a final on the following Monday. They let me take an incomplete and come back for the next semester which was 2 weeks later. But I was a mess, and ended up having to withdrawl. They gave me a free pass, I took a semester off, went back in January (this happened in July). I graduated a year after his death.

Stephanie... sometimes I think it was horrible that I was there, but on the other hand, it helped. I atleast had no questions about the how. But it was very hard that my last memories were of that.

Your posts make me want to just bring you big hugs and lots of ice cream (who doesn't love ice cream) You are far stronger than I will ever be and for that I know your husband is smiling down on you. You make me embrace everything a little tighter and a little longer. Rachel and Piper are two extremely lucky little girls to have you as their mother.

Quoting lolovio:“ You should really write a book. Fiction, nonfiction, whatever. You have such a way with words and such ... [snip!] ... Make as many good things come from this as you possibly can. I would buy your book. Whatever kind of book it might be.”

 

when you were talking about looking down at rachel, just that perfect little mix of the two of you, i just lost it. in some ways, it has to be comforting to see allyn in her (and will be anxious to see what piper looks like), but in others, it has to feel like a moment to cry out because you miss him so much.

it is crazy how cathartic/emotional it is to read your posts. i am a stranger, but you live it. i pray for you and your girls each night when i put my daughter to sleep.

Im very sorry for your loss. My first husband passed away when i was pregnant with our third child. People used to say take i day by day but I found that i could only take it minute by minute. Just try to hang on you never get over something like this but after time it does seem to not hurt as bad. I will pray for you & your girls. I amm so sorry