Almost a year ago

November 2nd marks the one year anniversary of my loss. I keep thinking "I should be holding a four month old child right now." I've been doing well with dealing with it these past few months. But today, it's just getting to me. I'm sure I've been repressing it some time now. But for the last 3 weeks or so, on and off I'd have random moments where I'd think to myself "I was pregnant exactly a year ago. I was pregnant last Halloween." I feel bad for my SO, I've been pushing him away so much and he needs me so much right now. Today is the first time in months that I have cried about this.

Another thing that makes it more difficult for me is seeing my infant nephew. He just got out of the NICU on monday after spending the first 69 days of his life there. He was born in August and I was due in June. I was holding him and it just reminded me that I should be holding my own child as well. I think of how much I love him and imagine how much I would have loved my own. I will watch him grow up and always think to myself that he is the age my child would have been.

I just wish I were stronger. I wish I knew how to be there for my SO instead of pushing him away. Above all, I just wish things had turned out differently.

i am so sorry things didnt turn out how you had wished them to.
i want you to know you are not alone in these hellacious times
because you have that child watching over you...not only that, but
there is nothing you have felt that i havent or that i wont feel eventually.

i know how hard it is to try and be there for your so when you feel so stuck yourself...buthe needs you just as much asyou needs him.

again im so so incredibly sorry and you will be in my thoughts and prayers..
pm me if you'd like, im a pretty good shoulder when ya need one.

Quoting chelschels :“ i am so sorry things didnt turn out how you had wished them to. i want you to know you are not alone ... [snip!] ... incredibly sorry and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.. pm me if you'd like, im a pretty good shoulder when ya need one.”

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am sorry for your loss as well. I am one who isolates themselves when they are grieving and my SO is the complete opposite. I don't really know how to handle it.

Quoting Chameleon:“ Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am sorry for your loss as well. I am one who isolates themselves ... [snip!] ... am one who isolates themselves when they are grieving and my SO is the complete opposite. I don't really know how to handle it.”

have you spoke with anyone about this?
pp depression is 10million x's worse when your grieving...

Quoting chelschels :“ have you spoke with anyone about this? pp depression is 10million x's worse when your grieving...”

I was only 8 weeks along when I m/c. I didn't think that would be considered pp depression. I wish I had insurance or a lot of money. I would love to go to councelling, but it's expensive. For whatever reason,it is easier for me to talk to someone who is completely detached from the situation.

Quoting Chameleon:“ I was only 8 weeks along when I m/c. I didn't think that would be considered pp depression. I wish I ... [snip!] ... but it's expensive. For whatever reason,it is easier for me to talk to someone who is completely detached from the situation.”

do you text?

if so i would be more than happy to help talk through some of these ridiculous emotions that we are having..if not, pm me! i really hate thinking that there are mothers out there who have lost children that dont have the properoutlet to grieve to...

if you need me, please let me know.
this is not something to try and go through alone...as you can see its effecting you greatly and i would love to try and console you   im so so sorry and i really wish i could take your pain away, mama.

I can't imagine how hurt you feel, I lost a cousin that was more like a brother when he was 22 three years ago & I still am numb from it. That was a very traumatic time but not as hard as losing my baby. If you ever need someone to talk to, i'd be more than happy to try and cheer you up. Take care.