Quoting KJ0525:“ Daycare doesn't raise your child for you. Sorry, I just HATE when I see that being said...its like saying that teachers raise your school age children, which they don't either!”

If your child is spending the majority of the day with the daycare instead of you(when I was working full time they were gone from my care from 6 am until 7 pm and then in bed by   then the daycare IS the one raising them...not you. Call it whatever you want....they are the ones caring for them, teaching them and providing them with support and affection(you hope at least).

It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's the truth.

Quoting KJ0525:“ One thing that really bothers me (my SIL does this) is when a SAHM moans about not having enough money, ... [snip!] ... outside of being mommy. I love my daughter more than there are words, but I am not the type that can stay at home every day.”

I'm not the "type that can stay home all day" either....so we don't. Everyday we go somewhere and do something fun. Even if it's just running errands or going to the park. Just because a mom is called a "SAHM" doesn't mean they always "stay at home".

Quoting KJ0525:“ One thing that really bothers me (my SIL does this) is when a SAHM moans about not having enough money, ... [snip!] ... outside of being mommy. I love my daughter more than there are words, but I am not the type that can stay at home every day.”

I don't see how someone with a 4 and 8 year old wouldn't be able to work outside the home. Especially if she complains abut money.

Quoting Höllenengel:“ I'm not the "type that can stay home all day" either....so we don't. Everyday we go somewhere and do ... [snip!] ... it's just running errands or going to the park. Just because a mom is called a "SAHM" doesn't mean they always "stay at home".”

So True! We go out and do things all the time. The grocery store, post office, parks, we go out to lunch quite a bit, the movies, walking around the mall here, going to visit friends and family etc....

Quoting Höllenengel:“ If your child is spending the majority of the day with the daycare instead of you(when I was working ... [snip!] ... them and providing them with support and affection(you hope at least). It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's the truth.”

Having your children in daycare or with a caretaker of some sort from 6a-7p is a huge amount of time however, I don't call that "raising them", I just don't.....even with those hours in consideration.
The thing that I don't get is why do people automatically think if your child is in daycare, they are being raised by them. Not all people utilize daycare for 10+ hours a day.

Quoting KJ0525:“ One thing that really bothers me (my SIL does this) is when a SAHM moans about not having enough money, ... [snip!] ... outside of being mommy. I love my daughter more than there are words, but I am not the type that can stay at home every day.”

I see that a lot as well. Families having very little to live on, or losing their car or having their electric turned off all the while only the husband working. I just couldn't see my family suffer, or my son go without because I wanted to stay home with him. If you have the money to stay home, great but when you start losing shit and going without there is a time to get rid of your traditional roles or mutual agreement and get a job to help support your family. IMO the same thing goes if your husband is working mutiple jobs to make ends meet. I am not talking about an established career where he makes great money and it requires long hours or over time, but hard core stressful struggling. I should have said that from the start of this thread.....

Quoting I ♥ Squishy:“ I see that a lot as well. Families having very little to live on, or losing their car or having their ... [snip!] ... long hours or over time, but hard core stressful struggling. I should have said that from the start of this thread.....”

But you have to respect that different families have different value systems and priorities. Some families believe its better to be financially struggling and have to make certain material sacrifices to have a parent at home to raise their child. Thats their right to choose what is best for their family based on their own morals and values. We are in no position to judge that.

My husband had a side job when we first had my son... He could make in a few hours what I could make in a week his earning potential is much higher than mine...

That said yes I would let him take another job while Im home with our son

Quoting MommytoKenz,Lily,&Harlow:“ So True! We go out and do things all the time. The grocery store, post office, parks, we go out to lunch ... [snip!] ... parks, we go out to lunch quite a bit, the movies, walking around the mall here, going to visit friends and family etc....”

Yep, same here. Phoenix LOVES to go to the park and feed the ducks. Plus, that boy can climb like a little monkey so we try to get out for at least a few hours a day and run off some of his energy. There's no way I would sit at home all day and do nothing. I'd go nuts.

Shit, Phoenix even loves to help out at the store. He picks out fruit and veggies and weighs them for me. 

Quoting I ♥ Squishy:“ Having your children in daycare or with a caretaker of some sort from 6a-7p is a huge amount of time ... [snip!] ... think if your child is in daycare, they are being raised by them. Not all people utilize daycare for 10+ hours a day.”

I don't think if they are in daycare in general that someone else is raising them. I think if they are in daycare full time that someone else is raising them. You can call it whatever you want, but if your kid is spending the majority of their time with another person, you are not the one "raising" them, they are.

And I realize that not all children are in daycare full time. I'm a licensed daycare owner.

Quoting I ♥ Squishy:“ I see that a lot as well. Families having very little to live on, or losing their car or having their ... [snip!] ... long hours or over time, but hard core stressful struggling. I should have said that from the start of this thread.....”

Ok, so what about daycare costs? Where do those factor in?

I think a lot of people don't realize that when you have young children you can't you can't just hop up and get a job all willy-nilly. Nowadays in our shitty economy, a lot of jobs wouldn't even pay enough to be worth going to work after you factor in daycare costs and transportation costs. Not to mention the emotional toll it takes on your children.

Quoting Taiter Tot's Mama [AP]:“ But you have to respect that different families have different value systems and priorities. Some families ... [snip!] ... their right to choose what is best for their family based on their own morals and values. We are in no position to judge that.”

Exactly.

There's no way I would even consider going back to work right now unless my husband was able to stay home with the kids. We feel that WE are the ones that need to have the most influence on our children....not a daycare or babysitter.

Quoting Höllenengel:“ Ok, so what about daycare costs? Where do those factor in? I think a lot of people don't realize that ... [snip!] ... work after you factor in daycare costs and transportation costs. Not to mention the emotional toll it takes on your children.”

Obviously if you don't make enough money to cover daycare/childcare costs and still come out on top it would make sense to stay home. That is a given. However, if you have an established career that pays well that is a different story. I understand most people utilize daycare because they have to work to support their famly but others just simply don't or can't stay home. A lot of people are career driven and see the benefits in childcare rather than only looking at the negatives. Having said that, it is unfair and incredibly judgemental to say someone is raising their child because they are working outside of the home.I have repeated myself numerous times that my son spends more time at home than in childcare in fact, he doesn't even spend half of his waking hours in childcare yet, someone else is raising him because I work. That is ridiculous and I can't help but to disagree. It seems when people hear my son attends a private school while I work well, the assumptions start that he is there all day, 10+ hours which is hardly the case. People need to understand they can't lump all situations in one and compare children in childcare as being in the same situation. Including the type of childcare. For example, my son is in a private school. A very expensive one at that. It is structured and a learning environment. It is nothing like a daycare center. So, every situation is different and frankly it is tiring to hear SAHM's sit back and say if you are working your child is being raised by someone else. Other factors should be considered before placing blind judgment.
In regards to the emotional toll, how do you know this is the case for all children? You said, "not to mention the emotional toll" which tells me you feel it is the same for all. I am sorry but if you have your child at home until he or she is older it is a traumatic shell shock when they are placed into childcare or even school. That is an emotional toll. Routine and social interactment helps prevent this from happening. Whether you utilize childcare to establish this or do it while being a SAHM either way, this is how it should be to help ease them into transition of any kind.
There are things that could be said about SAHM's but I will never go there. I couldn't imagine telling someone that what they are doing to their child is damaging and the wrong way. I wish SAHM's realized this is exactly what they are doing when saying mom's who work are causing this, doing that, etc.

Quoting I ♥ Squishy:“ Obviously if you don't make enough money to cover daycare/childcare costs and still come out on top ... [snip!] ... way. I wish SAHM's realized this is exactly what they are doing when saying mom's who work are causing this, doing that, etc.”

I asked before but I didn't see if anyone replied.
Why is daycare a factor *if* the SAH partner would be working to alleviate the working partner from working 2 jobs (or massive hours)?

The working partner would be at home with the kids. At least for the majority of the time.

I mean I know there are different situations. However, the daycare argument seems to be used a lot. IDK why daycare costs would come into play when the whole purpose of this D&D was to ask if you would work so your partner could work less. lol

Quoting kelli.jo:“ I asked before but I didn't see if anyone replied. Why is daycare a factor *if* the SAH partner would ... [snip!] ... would come into play when the whole purpose of this D&D was to ask if you would work so your partner could work less. lol”

for my situation, my husband doesnt have set hours. There's no way that I'd be able to guarantee he'd be home in time for me to go to work if he were to stay home with the kiddos. Because of that, if I worked, they'd have to be in daycare.
I dont know how it works for other families though.