My precious Jayden

My baby boy went to Heaven October 14th, 2009. He was born sleeping October 19th, 2009 at 26 weeks. I don't know what happened to my baby boy. And I know that I will never know. I had a wonderful pregnancy, morning sickness real bad at first, but after that it couldn't have been better. This pregnancy was going better than when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had major cramping and spotting around 26 weeks with my daughter, she was born a healthy, happy girl on June 2nd. She's now 2 and full of life. I figured that if she survived, that this pregnancy would go great and I would give my daughter a little brother around January 20th, 2010. But when October came around, everything started going wrong. My mother was hospitalized for almost 2 weeks because she had a major case of pneumonia. I felt that since her other 2 children was not there very much, that I would spend the majority of my time with her. Everything was fine while she was in ICU. They then moved her into a private room, with a roommate. The lady was coughing and hacking and sounded really sick. The nurses soon rushed in and told me to pack my mother's things up because she had to be moved into isolation. Come to find out, her roommate had the flu. They were still waiting for the results of the H1N1 test. After everything calmed down, the nurses advised me to get tested, since my mother was in that room for 3 days and because I was pregnant I was at a high risk of coming down with the flu. I went to the ER and explained what was going on. The tests came back negative, and the nurse advised me to talk to my OB for a flu shot. I went in for my checkup on October 13th. My OB was on vacation, so I seen the on-call doctor. She told me that the test for NTD came back positive and wanted to send me to St. Louis to talk with a genetics counselor. She then listened to his heartbeat, and it sounded so perfect. They gave me my flu shot and I then went home. I did things that I had been doing for the past 26 weeks, cleaned up the house, played with Dakota, bathed Dakota, fixed a late dinner. Around 8pm that night I started to feel as though someone was ripping my heart out of my chest, and then I started to feel sick to my stomach. I figured it was just a side effect from the shot, so Dakota and I went to sleep. I woke up the next morning, got Dakota ready to go to her dad's and I went to my classes. The whole day I didn't feel him move. I called the doctor around 8 that night. He said that they baby may have been exhausted from all the stress of my mother being in the hospital and if he didn't move by early Thursday, go to the ER. Around 5pm on Thursday, I called my doctor and told him I was going to the ER. He told me what to do when I got there (I already knew because of my spotting with Dakota). I told the ladies at the desk that I was 26 weeks pregnant and that he hasn't moved in 2 days. They called L&D, after waiting for 15 or 20 minutes, they finally took me up to L&D. They hooked me up to the machines, to monitor if I was having contractions (I knew I didn't, I wasn't even having a little cramp) and to monitor the heartbeat. They couldn't find his heartbeat on the monitor. So they brought in a little sonogram machine. They found the baby just laying there, but there was no heartbeat. They said that since I wasn't having contractions I could go home, but they wanted me back at 6 am for a better sonogram. I went home, I really didn't think he was gone. I was confident that I would go in the next morning and they would find the heartbeat. But that didn't happen. I went in the next morning for a sonogram. They lady just sat there this time (she did my other 2 and kept telling me everything she was doing and what he was doing). I didn't have a good feeling. She told me that she had to call the doctor and send me upstairs to L&D. I knew then that she didn't find it. I cried a little bit, I don't think it set right in. I went up to L&D and there was my sister's ex-husband's sister. She knew I still practically family (after all we have the same niece & nephew). She started talking about delivering my son. It then hit me that my child was gone. I collapsed in the bathroom while still trying to get changed. She called the doctor and he came in to talk to me. He told me that since I wasn't having contractions that I could go home to get some things arranged. He scheduled to induce my labor on the 20th of October. I went home Friday and cried and cried. I didn't know what to do. I missed my baby so much already. Saturday I talked to Dakota's dad to see if he would be able to keep her for a couple of days while I did this. I called a funeral home and scheduled to come in to speak with them and get things set up for a funeral for my son. I did everything normal once again, took care of my daughter and went to sleep around 9pm. I woke up around 5am on Sunday and was soaking wet. My water had broke. I called my doctor and told him, he said when I started to have cramping, come into the ER and they would induce me. I went and talked with the funeral home and then started to have back pain. I called my sister and told her I was going in so they could induce me. I went into the hospital around 6pm that day, and they finally started to induce me around 11pm. They drew blood, hooked up my IV and the monitors. Labor only lasted about 19 hours and my baby was born sleeping at 5:12 pm. The doctors don't know what happened. They said that they were going to run some tests to see if there was something wrong with the placenta or the fluid. Later that night they gave me my rhogam shot, which was kind of weird because I didn't have it after I gave birth to Dakota and didn't have it in my first 24 weeks with Jayden. The doctor told me that I had to pay over $1,000 up front before they could do an autopsy on my baby. I honestly didn't have the money at that time, I just helped my parents with bills since my mother was in the hospital, and then I still had a little girl I had to get things for. He told me that the only way I would not have to pay is if he requests it, but since there was reason, he didn't have to by his legal rights. I'm going to the doctor next week to find out what the tests revealed. He told me before I left the hospital that I could still have children, but I should wait a few years. All I know is that I have many questions, and the doctors do not want to answer. The only thing they told me was that there was no NTD, they tested me to late and the tests came back as a false positive.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope time will heal your pain.

Im so sorry for your loss mama  

I'm very sorry about your loss. There are no words to ease the pain of losing a child, but know that you have a lot of support here and hopfully you have a great support system at home and around you...

much love~ Jacqui

Oh wow....

I am so sorry..my heart goes out to you and your family....I cant even imagine how you were strong enough to write this....sending my love your way *big hugs*

im very sorry for you loss.

i f you need to talk im here

so sorry hun

Quoting Tavie:“ Oh wow.... I am so sorry..my heart goes out to you and your family....I cant even imagine how you were strong enough to write this....sending my love your way *big hugs*”

Thank you, and thank all you momma's. It was very hard to write it..I cried the whole time, but I felt as though it would help to get it out..u all r wonderful, thanks mommas