Trouble bonding with second (or later) child

Has anyone had difficulty bonding withsubsequent children? Do you just feel differently with each child, or do things just happen at different times as far as the relationships you have etc? How have your relationships developed with your kids?

I'd appreciate some kind and honest replies  

I bonded with all my kids the same. I love them all the same as well. All 3 are my babies.

Love takes time to grow. When my second born came into the picture I was certain that I'd never love her like I love my son, then she was born and it started to flourish. As she's grown I've fallen completely in love with her like I did my son. Same with my third. I thought "Dear heavens, theres no way I'll ever love this one like I love the other two." But I did, and do love her with every ounce of my being.

I had a hard time bonding with my second during pregnancy (which is why is actually had a fondness for my time on bedrest cuz I could focus on just her) but after she was born it wasn't an instant bond but it did come very quickly. I agree with my dad when he says that you love all you kids equally but there will always be something special about your first.

Quoting Barfy McVomitron:“ Love takes time to grow. When my second born came into the picture I was certain that I'd never love ... [snip!] ... theres no way I'll ever love this one like I love the other two." But I did, and do love her with every ounce of my being.”

That almost made me cry. Now I'm starting to wonder the same things. Thanks for this it makes me feel better about loving my children the same.

I didn't bond with my son until he was 4 months old. I had terrible PPD. I resented him, i was very bitter about him being here, i basically wanted nothing to do with him. After i got on my medication and got it all evened out, I was super connected to him and love him with everything i am. With my daughter, i had that rush of love and instant connection.   i sorta feel guilty about that.

Quoting Barfy McVomitron:“ Love takes time to grow. When my second born came into the picture I was certain that I'd never love ... [snip!] ... theres no way I'll ever love this one like I love the other two." But I did, and do love her with every ounce of my being.”

Did it take a while or was it there from birth?

I had problems bonding with my second child,also. We just had to spend some extra time together and now I actually feel closer to him than my 1st....kinda makes me feel bad,but there's just a diff bond there...I love both of my sons, but each with a diff kind of love.Does that make me a bad mama?

You asked for honest. So here it goes. I fell in love right away with my first. She was my pride and joy. She was a mommys girl from birth, through her skull surgery, every milestone etc. I found out I was pregnant when she was 7 months old. I hated it. I didnt want to be pregnant, I didnt want another baby. I resented the fact I was pregnant. I had severe hyperemesis. I missed out on a lot of Mackenzie's "firsts" because I was hovering in the toilet 24 hours a day, all day, every day for 28 long weeks. I resented the new baby for that, for taking away my precious time from my daughter. I wanted an abortion but my husband assured me it would be fine, everything would work out as soon as she got here. Well Lily Noelle arrived on April 2nd, 28 days early. I loved her, but was not in love with her. It felt all wrong, different. I waited for that "feeling" and it never came. By the time she was 3 weeks old I didnt want to hold her, feed her, look at her. I had severe PPD. To the point I had thought about smacking her head agianst the wall to hear itcrack. Id thought about driving over bridges with her and I in the car so Mackenzie could have a better life. It didnt help that Mackenzie was only 15months old when Lily was born, she didnt take it well. She transitioned very slow and was unhappy about the new baby. I felt like I let her down, was a failure. I finally went and told my husband how I felt (and he made me feel like crap) and went to a doctor. I got medicine and it was like a 180. I felt normal, happy and for the first time I felt like I could enjoy my TWO children. Lily was about 4 months old by then. Before we really clicked/bonded and I fell in love. I know that sounds awful and deem me as shitty mom of the yer for it but its honest.

I just had my third daughter in August and it was 100% different than Lily. We bonded immediatly (I honestly think it is because out of the 3, she is the ONLY one ive breastfed) which was reccommended to help us bond. It worked. I adore her, and my older daughters and we are doing very well now. I had my tubes tied though, during my last csection because for me emotionally, I cant do more children. The 3 we have are perfect for us. And the bond I have now with my 2.5 year old is JUST as strong as the ones I have with the first and last <3

Quoting TheAirForceWife:“ I didn't bond with my son until he was 4 months old. I had terrible PPD. I resented him, i was very bitter ... [snip!] ... with everything i am. With my daughter, i had that rush of love and instant connection.   i sorta feel guilty about that.”

I just wrote an entire novel haha about this SAME thing below.....almost identiacal except reversed.

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ Did it take a while or was it there from birth? ”

First daughter: From the moment the test said +
Second daughter: She was 4 months old  
Third daughter: The moment she was born.

Quoting expectingafterloss:“ I had problems bonding with my second child,also. We just had to spend some extra time together and now ... [snip!] ... there's just a diff bond there...I love both of my sons, but each with a diff kind of love.Does that make me a bad mama?”

If it does i'm a bad mum too. Re spending time on bedrest, apparantly that hasn't helped me either.

I don't know if bond is the right word. I'm finding it hard to express what i mean properly. I guess that intense love feeling, and the rush of love you get when you look in your childs eyes, that connection... i thought you'd get that early on with each child the same.

I wonder if different feelings have anything to do with loss. How are you feeling about the one you're carrying now?

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ Did it take a while or was it there from birth? ”

It took a little while, not too awful long, but I think it was because its like loving a new neice or nephew when you've already got an older one sitting there. It takes a bit of time to flourish, but make no mistake about it, when it does blossom, its as powerful as the love you have for your first born.

I didn't feel as bonded with my 3rd during my pregnancy. But when his heart stopped during delivery, that's when it just clicked. I knew that I would give my entire life up for this little boy, the same as the other two.

Quoting MommytoKenz,Lily,&Harlow:“ You asked for honest. So here it goes. I fell in love right away with my first. She was my pride and ... [snip!] ... perfect for us. And the bond I have now with my 2.5 year old is JUST as strong as the ones I have with the first and last <3”

Wow...that is so sad, but I'm glad you were able to get the medication and help for your PPD. Thanks for being so honest. I'm pregnant with my 2nd, and I'm just head over heels in love with my first (15 mos), and sometimes I can't imagine how I will have enough love and time for both of them. Thanks for sharing your story!