Please help if you can

I am fighting with everyone and the reason is the pain in my heart that I want to go away. Why would God put me through so much pain why let me watch a life grow in me to just take it away. I thought after a year I would be better with this but I see babies and pregnant people and my heart breaks. I look at my three angels I have here on earth and I love them more then any thing. I wake up everyday for them but I feel so weak that I sometimes wish I could be a coward and take the easy way out. I have tried to get help and was on meds but lost my temper and got kicked out of MHMR. I take so many tylenol PMs 20 at a time just to try to sleep. I told doctors about what I do they tell me to stop because it is killing my liver but I still continue. And that really is not trying to kill myself with the tylenol just if anyone thinks that. How do I stop the pain because it is killing me. All I have left is my son's ashes and pics of him and my other two. But I want them I just want to kiss them to smell them just hold them and tell them how much I love them. If anyone out there can help me with this pain I will forever be grateful.

Whats with all these "God" posts today - Why are you blaming God so much???

Quoting cougargagagl:“ Whats with all these "God" posts today - Why are you blaming God so much???”

I don't blame him but the fact of it is he and only he made that choice rather he needed my angels more or not. I love God and pray everyday but I just don't understand why he made the choice he did knowing the pain it would bring to my life.

I suggest psychological help.. it helped me deal with the death of my daughter.

I'm sorry for your losses but...if you can't look at the beauty you've created and nutured in the 3 children you have now and can't keep it together for them...knowing that what you're doing to your body could take you away from them...then how can we on here help you?

I can only tell you to get back into counseling..if not for yourself then for your kids!

If I didn't see the beauty in my three angels here I would have gave up long ago. But even though I have three angels here does not change the pain of losing three others. I am only human and I put myself out here on this post and please don't think for one min that I don't cherish my kids because they are my world. But no matter I have pain in my heart that sometimes when my children are asleep I can't help but think of my babies with God. And I am trying to get back into counseling but it takes awhile where I live I have an appointment in two months the closes one they had. Please don't think I am a bad person I just thought I would some of my pain out there I guess that was a mistake.

Quoting cougargagagl:“ Whats with all these "God" posts today - Why are you blaming God so much???”

thats really something you can say to a grieving mother.
if you havent lost a child..its better you say nothing than start with this.

i do not really belive in him.. but6 it a process of grieving, you are hurt so much that you NEED to blame soemone...and the one you can-is usualy only God.

to the OP. try some talking with a psych, writte some letters-that is helping me...and be gratefull for the living children you have, and know that your son is living in their spirits and in your heart..

i am sorry for your loss

Quoting Monika&3girls..:“ thats really something you can say to a grieving mother. if you havent lost a child..its better you ... [snip!] ... the living children you have, and know that your son is living in their spirits and in your heart.. i am sorry for you

thanx it is nice to have someone who knows the pain and I will try what you said

Quoting I love all my Angels:“ thanx it is nice to have someone who knows the pain and I will try what you said”

do that. and if you ever need someone to talk, just pm me, i would love to talk to you...it helped me alot.