Help!

For going on 7 years now, we've had an issue with my in-laws and their smoking. They just don't seem to get it. My BIL came over tonight and was telling us how his mom thinks we don't like them and it's completely unfair that we don't come over. I can't even tell you how many times we've 'mentioned' the smoking issue. So...I was going to email my MIL. Put it all out there so she'll shut the hell up. This is what I wrote...is it ok? Is it stupid to send her an email in the first place? Ugh, I'm just so frustrated.

So___ was over tonight and him and Matt got on the subject of us going over to your house. I was sad to hear that you guys think we don't want to visit with you because we don't go over to your house very often. We almost always accept the invitation when one is made to us, and not accepting has certainly never been a reflection of our interest in seeing you. It is very hard for us to go over there though, as we're very concerned about the cigarette smoke. We definitely appreciate you guys smoking outside of your own home when we're over, but as we all know, second hand smoke isn't that cut and dry. Faith has had breathing issues in the past and we'd like to make sure both kids have no issues in the future. It's not just the 'smell' we're worried about, but the actual health risk. We could argue the merits of this concern, but as it happens it's still a concern. We avoid things like the flu and synergis shots which means we have to take extra precautions with 'high risk' situations and our high risk kids. We do very much regret the situation as it is but definitely don't want you guys to think we don't like spending time with you.

Good message, but it sounds like a memo from a boss, not very personal.

Heck of a lot nicer then I would've put it. I think its very straight to the point and respectful.

Quoting HeatherOO7 [abracadabraB]:“ Good message, but it sounds like a memo from a boss, not very personal.”

We (very) secretly loath each other. We're all nicey-nicey on the surface though.

Quoting J e s s i c a:“ For going on 7 years now, we've had an issue with my in-laws and their smoking. They just don't seem ... [snip!] ... We do very much regret the situation as it is but definitely don't want you guys to think we don't like spending time with you.”

I'd maybe invite her out for coffee or something instead of sending an email. I've learned the hard way that no matter how well intentioned emails are, they can be taken as cold and impersonal.

Quoting J e s s i c a:“ We (very) secretly loath each other. We're all nicey-nicey on the surface though.”

Ahhh, then it's perfect.

Quoting missespeterson:“ I'd maybe invite her out for coffee or something instead of sending an email. I've learned the hard way that no matter how well intentioned emails are, they can be taken as cold and impersonal.”

I'm pretty cold and impersonal   But really, I just hate confrontation. If I had to say it to her (insert lots of crude words) face - I just wouldn't say it at all and continue to not go over to her house.

Quoting J e s s i c a:“ I'm pretty cold and impersonal   But really, I just hate confrontation. If I had to say it to her ... [snip!] ... to say it to her (insert lots of crude words) face - I just wouldn't say it at all and continue to not go over to her house.”

Ah gotcha. Yeah I'm also extremely non confrontational unless something REALLY upsets me. I also express myself much better in writing/typing than I ever could just by saying it, so emails and letters have always been my preference. But when I was bothered by what my MIL was saying and doing my mom told me to take her for a coffee to confront her that way, and I'm glad I did. But it's different I love my MIL lol if you don't get along with her then I think an email is fine and that it was very nicely stated

Quoting missespeterson:“ Ah gotcha. Yeah I'm also extremely non confrontational unless something REALLY upsets me. I also express ... [snip!] ... different I love my MIL lol if you don't get along with her then I think an email is fine and that it was very nicely stated”

Yeah...I dunno. I'm better at typing/writing things out too. If I met her I'd be like "umm...well you know...Faith was early...and yeah Ethan was early too....and well we probably should be careful with what they're around...and stuff" lol, so it's email her or just leave things as they are...which I could do.

Quoting J e s s i c a:“ Yeah...I dunno. I'm better at typing/writing things out too. If I met her I'd be like "umm...well you ... [snip!] ... be careful with what they're around...and stuff" lol, so it's email her or just leave things as they are...which I could do.”

Hmm if those are the two options I think the emails a good way to go  you wrote it out very nicely and surely she'll understand. If she really wants to see you guys why not invite you to a place like chuck e cheese or something?

Quoting missespeterson:“ Hmm if those are the two options I think the emails a good way to go  you wrote it out very nicely and ... [snip!] ... surely she'll understand. If she really wants to see you guys why not invite you to a place like chuck e cheese or something?”

Yeah, we know it's an issue so we try to invite them out or over to our house, but then they gripe about the money to go out, or the drive to our house.   I think I'll send the email, thanks.

Quoting J e s s i c a:“ Yeah, we know it's an issue so we try to invite them out or over to our house, but then they gripe about the money to go out, or the drive to our house.   I think I'll send the email, thanks.”

Ugh if she's letting her house be the only hang out option then she needs that email for a reality check. That's pretty ridiculous imo. Good luck mama hope it goes well for you!

Jess how did I miss this? What happened. I think the email was very nice.   I have met them and I could smell the smoke from 10 feet away. I can imagine how bad the house smells. Sorry you have to deal with it.