How to comfort my Sister-in-law

My husband's mom just emailed me to let me know that my SIL (husband's step-brother's wife) had a D&C yesterday and decided not to tell anyone about it until today. I have no idea how to comfort her, or if I even should. Let me give you some background info, and maybe you wise women can tell me how to approach her...

My SIL Kelly & I love each other because we are family, but we are sooo different and only have seen eachother a few times a year for the past few years. She is not very outwardly emotional, I really don't know much about her inner being at all, and have never been able to really get where she is coming from most of the time. I am very outgoing, emotive, kind of a hippy, etc...she is not those things. When we see eachother (only a few times a year since she lives in NJ), we talk about the outside world, her work, milestones that her now-17-month-old is reaching, etc. Nothing that bonds us...

2.5 weeks ago, my BIL told us they were un-expectedly expecting (she was on the pill), then I found out 3 days later that we are pregnant. I haven't seen or talked to her since, although she knows I'm pregnant. She was 9 weeks along as of yesterday, when she had a D&C, but I honestly have no idea a) how she felt about the pregnancy or b) how she would want to process this tragedy. I know how I would want my family to act (or, I can only strive to imagine) but we are just so different emotionally.

If any of you ladies are more reserved and/or guarded emotionally (or helped women like this through an MC) and could offer insight, I would much appreciate it. I just want to be there for her without making her feel she's being forced to dwell on it more than she wants/needs to.

I would just let her know that although you dont know what to say at a time like this that you are there to listen

maybe have your hubby talk to his stepbro a little to feel out the situation first? if she isn't outwardly emotional or expressive, she might not want to talk to people about it .. so, even though you only want to be supportive, she might just end up upset.

if that isn't an option, i would saygo with nice girl's answer ... "i heard what you guys went though, if you need anything we're always here."

Quoting dayna = shoewh♥re:“ maybe have your hubby talk to his stepbro a little to feel out the situation first? if she isn't outwardly ... [snip!] ... option, i would saygo with nice girl's answer ... "i heard what you guys went though, if you need anything we're always here."”

Yeah....I think I just need to write her an email or an actual card and keep it really simple, just say we're both here for anything she might need. They are also about to move and I know they'll need help with that, especially now.

Quoting Mama VC:“ Yeah....I think I just need to write her an email or an actual card and keep it really simple, just ... [snip!] ... both here for anything she might need. They are also about to move and I know they'll need help with that, especially now.”

I would do a card not an email.. Iv went t hru a few miscarriages myself and Just having someone thinking and praying for me lifted me up a lil... just let her know you are always there to listen!!