Havn't forgetten about him.

On December 19th 2008, I was 16 years old. I was having the time of my life, going to parties every night with my friends. Getting drunk, doing drugs, just all these things that I knew I shouldn't have been doing. It was November 16th not too long after my 16th birthday when I started to slow down with the parting and started to realise that, I haven't had my period. My boyfriend at the time got really upset about it, and forced me to take a pregnancy test, it took me almost an hour to actually take the test because I was too worried about what it might say. When I finally took it, I made him leave. I followed the instructions, and put it down. I went back to it, and my heart sunk, "pregnant" it read. I immediately started to cry. I called my best friend, and told her before even my boyfriend. After I got off the phone with her, I went and found my boyfriend, and cried to him that we were pregnant. The next day we told his parents first, they were mad, and gave him and I the choice to get an abortion or move out and do it on our own, we ignored it. After the traggedy with his parents, we went and told my Aunt who was my soul guardian at the time, she flipped and told me I had no choice that if I didn't get an Abortion she was going to kick me out and disown me, so she made me a dr. appointment for the next month, I was upset to find out that I was 4 1/2 months pregnant and I didn't even know it. They told me I was pregnant with a boy, but he was not healthy, and asked me if I had been drinking, smoking, or doing drugs. I told him yes, because I didn't know that I was pregnant. He suggested, to me that I should have an abortion, which would be a tough procedure to do. Or I would end up having a still born baby. He made me an appointment at an Abortion Clinic and gave me two pictures of my baby boy and sent me on my way. The day come for my appointment, december 18th. They did a check up, checked his heart beat, size, ect, and told me to go to the waiting room for till the doctor called me back.

I sat in the waiting room filling out papers andseeing all these little girls some with braces and pigtails, waiting in the same room as me, for the same reason...

The doctor called my name, took me down a long hallway to this room, it seemed cold and gloomy to me. Told me to lay down on the table, and pull my shirt up past my belly. and wait till he got back. I did as I was told. My boyfriend was in the room with me and held my hand all the way through it. The doctor came back after being gone for what seemed like hours not minutes. With a tray that had a big needle, disinfectant, and a tube. Told me to just lay back look at the celing and i'll feel a little pinch and poof it will be over. He was wrong, I felt pain, alot of pain, like he just poked a whole where my stomach used to be, like I could be seen through. Then all I remember is him saying I'd have to stay there overnight, and I was going to go into labor there.

December 19th 2008 at 4:37 P.M. I gave birth to a still born little boy, who I had lost because I had to. He was so tiny, so motionless, so.. dead =[ I hated myself, and I still do. He had no structure to his face. I only got a glimpse of him. Then everything went fuzzy. When I woke up, I felt empty, like a peice of me had been taken away with my son. I will never forget that day....

Me and My boyfriend of the time decided to call him Hunter Noland, and thats what I remember him by.

And to this day, I don't go a day without thinkingabout him. And even more now that I am pregnant with my second baby and keeping this one, He's on my mind even more.

I hate myself for it, and wish i never did it, I loved my son, and still do to this day.

how old are you now?

Quoting Ericka:“ On December 19th 2008, I was 16 years old. I was having the time of my life, going to parties every night ... [snip!] ... one, He's on my mind even more. I hate myself for it, and wish i never did it, I loved my son, and still do to this day.”

hold on you had your son when you were 16 in december, you are still 16 and due in may  

Quoting -Kaya-*La Ramera*:“ hold on you had your son when you were 16 in december, you are still 16 and due in may  ”

So quick to jump at her!!! stfu.

I'm sorry mama. I hope it gets better for you.

That brought tears to my eyes.  

Quoting ilovekaydence:“ So quick to jump at her!!! stfu.”

problem? I was asking her, I don't see your helpful input anywhere.

you have to give birth @ 4 months??

thats gotta be hard to get over. sorry.....

Quoting -Kaya-*La Ramera*:“ hold on you had your son when you were 16 in december, you are still 16 and due in may  ”

Completely unnecessary in a post like this.

OP my reply wasn't meant as bitchy just to clarify, I think you have your expoecting status a little messed up. x

Quoting ilovekaydence:“ So quick to jump at her!!! stfu.”

wow, feel better?

aw mama...i'm so sorry

Aww, mama. I'm so sorry. Hopefully things get better in time. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Quoting -Kaya-*La Ramera*:“ hold on you had your son when you were 16 in december, you are still 16 and due in may  ”

yes i just turned 16 that november, I'll be 17 next month