Sometimes people don't appreciate help?

Ok, so I don't know if someone of you seen the post I had done a few weeks back. But I have a friend who is pregnant due Dec 14 and her family completely dis-owned her and said they would not have her part of the family unless she had an abortion. Well she had no where to go, so I told her she can rent out the extra room I had. I am getting her prepared by telling her all the things she will need and what to expect. But heres the thing I guess she is so lonely without her family she is trying to hard to fit in with the wrong crowd. I believe she may have been trying hard to fit in with the same crowd even before the baby. But it just keeps getting worse. She is trying to hard to be GANGSTER! It's pretty pathetic and I told her that she needs to stop before she gets hurt, she needs to think of her baby. Where does being gangster get you? So she said she would stop, then maybe a month ago she got jumped for claiming a "HOOD" and hanging out with the wrong people. I had to rush to the hospital to see her because they were kicking her in the back, YES, while she is pregnant! So thank god her baby was ok. And I know it's not my place but I gave her a lecture in the hospital in front of everyone, telling her what the hell is she thinking! Her baby could've died. Oh yeah and not to mention she watches my 1 year old daughter here and there and the day she was jumped she was watching her and I got off work early. What if my daughter had been there????? I was so pissed off! Well anyways since that day she promised me that she would stay away from those people regardless that some were her cousins putting her in this situation. So anyways a few days ago I was helping her get some things from her car, when I noticed she had a tattoo on her upper back in the center that was not there a few days ago. It was night so I couldn't see what it said so I was like "WTF is that?" she was like" Oh the tat I got, I thought I told you" I said " you've got to be kidding me! What does it say?" You want to know what it said? The name of the GANG! Oh and her cousin did it for her with a homemade needle. So not only did she get a tat while being pregnant but used a dirty needle most likely! So her getting that gang on her pretty much gives any gang member to try to fight her or jump her or whatever! I cannot believe this! I am trying to help her but yet she's not helping herself just putting her and her baby in danger. Her sister who is actually a good friend of mine and is how I met her, was also pissed off. She is going in the wrong direction and were actually scared for the baby. What kind of mom is she going to be? She is already talking about dressing her son gangster. She's naming him Ryder because it's like he's a rider for a gang. Well I needed to vent on this but I was also curious, can the tattoo have a bad affect on the baby? She also got a lip piercing at about 4 months! I know your not suppose to get tats or piercings when your pregnant. But what exactly can happen?

i would let it go. sounds like your getting absorbed in it...and thats never good. sounds like shes not going to change.

Quoting B.J. Titsengolf:“ i would let it go. sounds like your getting absorbed in it...and thats never good. sounds like shes not going to change.”

Yes, I know. But I'm done with her, I knows she's not going to change. It's just the poor baby.

she sounds like a fucking idiot. if she does not get her shit straight, then she does not deserve that baby and someone else should take care of it. i understand you are trying to help, but she isnt trying to help herself

sounds to me you need to tell her she cant live in your house if shes going to be with those kind of people and she could get her and her unborn killed and shes being very selfish. id say kick her out i know you feel you need to protect her and her baby but what if the gang members try to come to your house when you arent home and shes watching your daughter. its not worth the risk to have her living with you. she apparently wont change. she can go live with her cousins, and after the baby is born you should report her to social services

You can only help those who are willing to help themselves as well.
In this case, i would walk away. She obviously doesn't see the big picture and you being involved might get you tangled in the wicked web she is weaving herself.
You should be proud that you did try cause no good deed goes unrewarded. But don't get yourself wrapped up in something you cant change or totally understand.

Much metta to your friend. I hope she somehow see a better path then the one she's chosen.

Quoting {{MRS CASTR0}}:“ Ok, so I don't know if someone of you seen the post I had done a few weeks back. But I have a friend ... [snip!] ... piercing at about 4 months! I know your not suppose to get tats or piercings when your pregnant. But what exactly can happen?”

Here is the thing, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Matter of fact you started this thread with making excuses for her behavior. You can't do that. She needs to accept responsibility for her actions. While I can't stand the idea of a baby being hurt or caught up in this (it seriously breaks my heart) you can't risk the saftey of your family and child because of her ignorance.

I am not 100% clear of the possible damages of tats and piercings while pregnant. I would say that a clear one is infection! This also leads me to ask whatelse she is doing to cause that baby harm if she is getting tats and holes randomly in her body!?!?!? Drugs??????

I am not sure how old this girl is but it wouldn't be a bad idea to turn her into the police, CPS or Juvy if needed. They will take the baby from her and baby will be safe.


Those that participate in gangs are nothing shy of barbaric and ignorant. There is nothing to gain from raping, pillaging and beating the shit out of each other. I am not afraid of any gang member. Nothing about it impresses me in the least. I tell them to go ahead and come to my house. Try to break in and cause harm to me and or my family. I have guns too. I know how to hold and shot properly.

I really think you need to get her out of your home ASAP!!! Call the authorities and have her shit picked up.

Yea, I know. I haven't been letting her watch my daughter anymore. I think I am going to kick her out. I am going to give her a notice so she has time to find a place plus she already paid for this month. It's just sooo sad. I told her you will realize what you're doing one day and I hope that it's not too late and something has to happen to your baby for you to realize what you're doing.

she's putting herself and her baby at risk for an infection. if she gets one things could get ugly....when someone falls into the gang thing you can't really do much to get them out...she feels like she has no family and even though you are there to help her and support her in the end your not family. for some people they can't get it in their head that there is someone who cares about them...all they see is all the people who are shunning them and it gets them down....i know you can see the big picture and see the harm in the gang life but all she sees is a group of people who accept her and in a gang they act and call each other family....there's really not anything you can do except keep trying to talk to her but it's just going to tire you out... she's going to have to learn on her own and unfortunately most don't learn until something terrible happens.

Quoting *~Mommy To Be~*:“ she's putting herself and her baby at risk for an infection. if she gets one things could get ugly....when ... [snip!] ... to tire you out... she's going to have to learn on her own and unfortunately most don't learn until something terrible happens.”

Exactly.

Is she still living with you?? I would definitely make her move out - cause you do NOT need her dragging her crap gangsters into your house - now your house is a target by the other gang jumpers - if they want her out, or get to her, they will get you - have you reported your concern to the cops, maybe remove yourself and your child from this situation pronto - or you could be seen as a neglectful mother, allowing your child to become in harms way, and endangered by your choices. See this is going to reflect onto you - her lifestyle choices and people you allow near your own child. Bad choice momma to allow her to move in - and since when is thinking about her and her baby more important than to think about yours and your childs safety and security???

You have hereby endangered your own child - and I'd be much more concerned about that and keeping your own child now, if you allow her presence to continue to be in your very residence. C'mon now!

Quoting cougargagagl:“ Is she still living with you?? I would definitely make her move out - cause you do NOT need her dragging ... [snip!] ... about that and keeping your own child now, if you allow her presence to continue to be in your very residence. C'mon now! ”

Yes, I know. I never seen this side of her until recently. I am going to have her move out.

Quoting cougargagagl:“ Is she still living with you?? I would definitely make her move out - cause you do NOT need her dragging ... [snip!] ... about that and keeping your own child now, if you allow her presence to continue to be in your very residence. C'mon now! ”

She moved her in in hopes to help her change her "ways". Sadly that person doesn't want to be helped and these events happened. Its not like she was "Hey, your a gang member, AWESOME! Let me have you watch my kid and live with me!". She moved her in and trusted her in hopes she wouldn't go down that path. Now the situation has changed so now the whole deal has changed.
No need to point the finger at the OP, she was merely being a good person by at least trying to help. Its not her fault the outcome did not turn to the best.

Further, for example, if she has AIDS lets say - why are you allowing that near your child - you are endangering your own child too by whatever the hell she is dragging in - do you share the same razor in the bathroom, etc. Toothpaste, cups, etc. Why subject your child - does she kiss your child, or spoon feed him/her from her spoon?? See, you got to really think about what the hell YOU are doing to YOUR child. Thats who should be on your concern list. She will do whatever the hell she will do - and obviously she is kinda like her family - not resepecting the unborn childs well being - and maybe in the back of her mind she does not give a damn about this child of hers - and already is proving she will be neglectful - but there is NO need to entaangle yourself with her crappy choices.

Quoting cougargagagl:“ Further, for example, if she has AIDS lets say - why are you allowing that near your child - you are ... [snip!] ... of hers - and already is proving she will be neglectful - but there is NO need to entaangle yourself with her crappy choices.”

A rather dramatic example there.....

ETA: Once again, i think the OP would know better then to put her daughter in danger. The girl was apparently not" like that" before she moved in. I'm sure and hope they would know each other rather well before asking her to live with them. That comes with trust.