Am i wrong??

My boyfriend and i have a3 month old daughter together. There use to be a time when his mom and i really got along well. but then some stuff happened to where we didnt, like at all. we've for the most part moved on from that. but i don'ttrust them really. (hisfamily)however,we visit almost every sunday with that baby.
anyhow, today i'm working 7am-7pm   my boyfriend has the baby and yesterday he was saying how he was gonna go over to his moms to hangout with the baby and all since i'm working and they're bbq'ing. so i don't completely trust his mom, and i can't stand his dead beat sister who just sits around all day eating, smoking and drinking & talking crap. anyhow, i don't feel comfortable with him taking my daughter their without me being with her. i'm not saying they can't see her, i'm just saying i would wanna be there when they're around her. i just have a bad feeling about them, kinda like they talk nice when i'm around, but i'm sure they talk crap when i'm not kinda thing.
is this wrong of me?
i know they are just as much her family and all...but it's just a mother thing i feel. i feel my boyfriend should respect how i feel, not that they are going to mistreat her, it's just they really aren't cautious. they ALL smoke and drink. like everyday. and i honestly think they'd smoke in front of her and wouldn't be as cautious as they are when they know i'm watching.
thoughts??

Does your boyfriend let them do that around her? He won't put his foot down?

Quoting M e g a n♥KDV[PTM]:“ Does your boyfriend let them do that around them? He won't put his foot down?”

no, he tells them not to smoke and all. and they listen. but every now and then when we are outside or whatever and they "light one up" we have to remind them to go away so the smoke doesn't travel and all.
but regardless of the smoking. i just don't feel comfortable with my daughter being with them without me  

I think you have a right to say that, you are her mom, and she is his mom, but this is your baby and if you aren't comfortable with her being without you that's your choice

Quoting _Valerie_:“ no, he tells them not to smoke and all. and they listen. but every now and then when we are outside ... [snip!] ... travel and all. but regardless of the smoking. i just don't feel comfortable with my daughter being with them without me  ”

I can understand that. I get like that too. I would rather be there so I know I have control over the situation.

I don't know what to tell you. I can see both sides. I understand how you're feeling, but at the same time, they do have a right to see her as well. I'd go with your gut instinct. If you don't want her over there without you, put your foot down.

Quoting Kaylee+Kaelin'sMommy:“ I think you have a right to say that, you are her mom, and she is his mom, but this is your baby and if you aren't comfortable with her being without you that's your choice”

yeah. but then my boyfriend goes at me like well i'm her dad and i'm gonna be with her. but it's just DIFFERENT.
i don't care what anyone says. a baby's mom, and a baby's dad is different. not saying that he isn't an important part of her life, but it's just DIFFERENT! if that makes any sense...

Quoting _Valerie_:“ yeah. but then my boyfriend goes at me like well i'm her dad and i'm gonna be with her. but it's just ... [snip!] ... dad is different. not saying that he isn't an important part of her life, but it's just DIFFERENT! if that makes any sense...”

oh yes i know i am the same way, i carried her around for 9 months I have a little bit more to say when it comes to that and if my dh don't like it i tell him to get preg

your dislike for them shouldn't keep your child from seeing them.
I hate my FIL but he still gets to see Lily. It's not her fault that we don't get along so I wont keep her from him.
Do you not trust your SO to keep a good eye on her? He will be in charge. If you don't trust him to take extreme care of her... you have a new set of problems.

Quoting M e g a n♥KDV[PTM]:“ I can understand that. I get like that too. I would rather be there so I know I have control over the ... [snip!] ... a right to see her as well. I'd go with your gut instinct. If you don't want her over there without you, put your foot down.”

yeah....and i have. and luckily he is respecting that. today. but i'm sure there will be other days when i'm not there and he has her to go or do whatever and prob will wanna take her over there. i just don't feel right letting him take her over their without me.
ugh. it just sucks. i wish i was a SAHM!

Quoting HeatherOO7:“ your dislike for them shouldn't keep your child from seeing them. I hate my FIL but he still gets to ... [snip!] ... a good eye on her? He will be in charge. If you don't trust him to take extreme care of her... you have a new set of problems.”

I know. i don't keep them from seeing her. they see her all the time. more so then my family. i just make sure i'm there when they do. and i do trust him to keep an eye on her. but he's the mamas boy type and does everything his mom says and she is the controlling type. she would totally try to take charge.

My mantra is: Your hurt feelings are less important than my child.

My hep A positive sister will not hold my son.
Nobody will be kissing his face with their dirty mouths.
My friends cannot smoke around him..
People will not be drinking to excess around him- 1 or 3 beers will be fine, not 10.
Nobody will be able to swear around him.
Nobody will be able to fight around him.

Yes, I am a wet blanket and lots of people are pissed off at me, but my child is more important than they are- and I actually tell them my mantra word for word. YOU are the first line of defense for your child and YOU have the right to make those decisions. Nobody else should get to pressure you into making choices that you feel will be detrimental to your baby.

You're not wrong, lady, you are firmly in the right.

Quoting _Valerie_:“ I know. i don't keep them from seeing her. they see her all the time. more so then my family. i just ... [snip!] ... he's the mamas boy type and does everything his mom says and she is the controlling type. she would totally try to take charge.”

And what's the worst that will happen? The smoke thing would annoy me too but if they're good about listening to the "no smoking" rule then I see no real problem. I might seem mean but it sounds more like spite than honest concern about her well being. JMO.

Quoting McPreg:“ My mantra is: Your hurt feelings are less important than my child. My hep A positive sister will not ... [snip!] ... you into making choices that you feel will be detrimental to your baby. You're not wrong, lady, you are firmly in the right.”

Wow.
That's the meanest shit I have EVER heard. Read up about hep A first.
SMFH.

Quoting HeatherOO7:“ And what's the worst that will happen? The smoke thing would annoy me too but if they're good about ... [snip!] ... rule then I see no real problem. I might seem mean but it sounds more like spite than honest concern about her well being. JMO.”

it isn't spite. if it were spite i would never ever be over there and i wouldn't try my hardest to get along with her for the sake of my daughter. she doesn't need to see her mom and grandmother not getting along, or being bitter towards one another. cause that's how it would be. i guess there is more to the story that you would have to know to honestly give advice. i just didn't wanna go too into detail cause i tend to blab. but i suppose i can see why you say that.
but it definitely isn't that. i know i use to be childish and very selfish in the past, but having my daughter and becoming a mother has def helped me grow up and think in the best interest of someone else other than myself. IMO

Quoting HeatherOO7:“ Wow. That's the meanest shit I have EVER heard. Read up about hep A first. SMFH.”

i agree with her.
read on......

"Although ingestion of contaminated food is the most common means of spread for Hepatitis A, it may also commonly be spread by household contact among families or roommates, sexual contact, by the ingestion of contaminated water, by the ingestion of raw or undercooked fruits and vegetables or shellfish (like oysters), and by direct inoculation from persons sharing illicit drugs. Children often have asymptomatic or unrecognized infections and can pass the virus through ordinary play, unknown to their parents, who may later become infected from contact with their children."