re: so im feeling quite hateful

Quoting !Bring on the baby bump!:“ Lose a child and your opinion might change. Usually you are just angry at the world but it happens a lot. I hope to God you don't ever have to find out.”

Do you know ANYTHING about me?? Do you know what i have gone through in life?? I don't fucking think so. I haven't had a 'perfect' life sweetie but i don't go around talking about how i HATE god  

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ 6 weeks. and he was a good weight when he was born he was 5 lb 6 oz but he just keeps looseing he ... [snip!] ... a while after he was born but his breathing is ok now, but he just wont eat to gain and im just i dont know im being selfish”

They aren't feeding him through a feeding tube?

Quoting ♥sheilalynn♥:“ Do you know ANYTHING about me?? Do you know what i have gone through in life?? I don't fucking think ... [snip!] ... I don't fucking think so. I haven't had a 'perfect' life sweetie but i don't go around talking about how i HATE god  ”

But that is YOU not her. Everyone is different and I wasn't being rude to you do yeah. It is possible to be so angry with God you feel hatred. I never did but I know many who have. Eventually once they started healing they found their way back to God. It is part of coping for some people. I never said you had a perfect life. Geez calm down.

Quoting !Bring on the baby bump!:“ They aren't feeding him through a feeding tube?”

they have been doing one with bottle one throught the tube. but he keeps ripping out the tube,
the dr gave an order to start strictly feeding him through the bottle. but the dumb nurse is to lazy to work with him to eat from the bottle

It's a natural thing to go through. When my daughter died I hated God. I knew it wasn't His fault, but it was easiest to blame someone other than myself. You get so discouraged when you see so many other "miracles" and nothing happens for you. In time I came to realize that I couldn't blame anyone and as corny as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. We may never know what that reason is, but I know my little angel is truly an angel now.. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and I hope things turn around for your little guy and he starts gaining weight and hopefully he gets to come home soon. Your family is in my prayers.

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ they have been doing one with bottle one throught the tube. but he keeps ripping out the tube, ... [snip!] ... order to start strictly feeding him through the bottle. but the dumb nurse is to lazy to work with him to eat from the bottle”

Well then ya might wanna let the doc know she is being lazy. You are paying that woman's pay check....make her do her job. I hope your little one is ok!

Your sons not going to die mama, hang in there!

I lost a daughter and I thought I hated God for the longest time and I didnt believe in him anymore, but thats not the case anymore. Its hard not to have bitterness when you lose a child, which you wont have to know bc your son will make it!

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ they have been doing one with bottle one throught the tube. but he keeps ripping out the tube, ... [snip!] ... order to start strictly feeding him through the bottle. but the dumb nurse is to lazy to work with him to eat from the bottle”

Why is he losing weight? My son was born at 28 weeks and he couldnt eat for a long time, and when he couldnt eat they had him on an iv that game him all his vitamins and everything he needs so he would still gain weight. Have they tried to put the feeding tube in his nose and mouth, they did both with my son and taped it down good. I would definetely complain about the nurse if she seems like she is being lazy!!!

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ 6 weeks. and he was a good weight when he was born he was 5 lb 6 oz but he just keeps looseing he ... [snip!] ... a while after he was born but his breathing is ok now, but he just wont eat to gain and im just i dont know im being selfish”

What makes you think he won't make it? 34 weekers have the same long term stats as full term babies in most areas. I know it's normal to feel angry in NICU, it's incredibily frustrating, esp when you are actually told your child isn't going to make it after months in there. But just take some time out, get some sleep or get a treatment to relax yourself. Then pick yourself up, be thankful your baby is actually in a very strong position (maybe look at all the micro preemies and very sick babies around him), cuddle your LO and just focus on all the positive little steps he makes. It's easy to think "why me/my baby/"etc etc, but really it won't help the situation. Spend time with him and know that you don't have far to go before he will be home.

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ they have been doing one with bottle one throught the tube. but he keeps ripping out the tube, ... [snip!] ... order to start strictly feeding him through the bottle. but the dumb nurse is to lazy to work with him to eat from the bottle”

If he's only a week old then i wouldn't be too concerned with his weight loss. It's normal for preemies to lose weight, their little bodies are working real hard. The nurse may be continuing to tube feed for a reason, eating from a bottle burns a lot of calories - sometimes they actually burn more from the physical act of eating than the milk itself. With your son being so young its ok for him to be tube fed for a little while, especially if he has lost weight and is a little fragile. At that age, just a few days can make a big difference.

Just know that it will sort itself out, he shouldn't even be born yet so don't over stress about these little things. I know NICU is scary, but he looks great in your pics, big, breathing on his own, eating from the bottle, barely like a preemie at all. Have a word with the Dr about your concerns and see what plans they have for his feeding, ask if they are concerned about his weight and if they could put him on a higher cal fortifier (or formula) for a while too. Just hang in there  

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ and my friend said i could vent to her, and i said that if my son dies im pretty sure i will hate god for the rest of my life. and she told me that i cant hate god...and im pretty sure i could”

this is happening to make you stronger. your not the 1st parent with a child in the NICU you have to be strong & [pray] to god not hate him.& i hope the best for your son.

i would hate god too....

I would hate god too.

You guys are still in my thoughts/prayers.

I dont believe in god myself but what I know about him if he is there then He will absolutley not mind being your emotional punching bag if that is what you need, He will take what ever you throw at him and still be there at the end of it...... So if you need someone to hate at a time like this then that is absolutly who it should be....

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ 6 weeks. and he was a good weight when he was born he was 5 lb 6 oz but he just keeps looseing he ... [snip!] ... a while after he was born but his breathing is ok now, but he just wont eat to gain and im just i dont know im being selfish”

My twins were 4 weeks early, and they weighed 5 lbs and 5 lbs 4oz, they also had respiritory distress and wouldn't eat to gain. They only wanted to sleep and were fed through a tube for a while. They got down to about 4.5 pounds before finally gaining.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but if your baby doesn't have anything "wrong" with him, meaning if he's just a preemie, I don't think he'll die.

And you can feel however you want, your friend just probably doesn't want to hear you talk like that. Having a baby in the nicu is the worst thing (short of losing them) that you'll ever have to go through, but when it's over, it'll be over. Hang in there!