super discuraged {{more on luke}}

i am terified im having post partum depression.
my son is still in the nicu. and is looseing more weight he is down to 4 lb 13 oz. thats three oz in one night.
and he is not eating well they are having to tube feeding him more and more. and this morning he rippd out his feeding tube T.T
his eyes look so bruised now more than when he was born or any in the past week.
he has like no fat under his loose skin now.
he looks so pathetic now he really looks like he belongs in the nicu
and im just so sad, iv gotten to a point where i think while im holding him that it wont be a long time for him to come home. and it just seems like he wont be coming home
my husband is at tech school and im having to take care of my 11 month old and drive to the nicu every day an hour there and an hour back. and im just looseing hope. i dont know maby its just all the stress and keep getting bad news when i call
and feel guilty that i cant stay with him all of the time, becouse i feel like im neglecting my daughter when im with him and when im with her that im neglecting him.. there is just no happy medium
i just really really need words to help me out. and hear good news
thanks for listening to me

Good luck mama, I am sure he will be home soon. You are strong.

Stay strong mama. I will pray for you. Everything will fall into place. Keep your head up.

I went through those same EXACT feelings mama. I had my good days where I thought positive and tried to "look on the bright side", but then I would have those days where it seemed like she would NEVER get to come home. I remember crying every time another baby was getting to go home. It's not PPD, it is something that every mother of a NICU baby experiences. You said his eyes looked bruised... have they checked to see if he was anemic? My daughter looked like that and started doing worse and come to find out it was from her being anemic. She had to have 2 blood transfusions during her NICU stay, but she started doing better almost immediately after them. I will be praying for you and your little man! Good luck!

im so sorry you are going through this. i remember feeling the same way. lailynn wsnt gaining weight. and kept pulling her feeding tube out, it was horrible. every time i thought she was coming home something else happened. i know you dont want to hear think positive, or even want to talk to anyone.. but she will come home soon and everything will be fine. my baby was 4lbs 1oz when she was born, but shes been home for a month and a half and shes well over a 11lbs and shes only two months old. so just think soon that will be him!! im keeping yo in my prayers

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ i am terified im having post partum depression. my son is still in the nicu. and is looseing more weight ... [snip!] ... there is just no happy medium i just really really need words to help me out. and hear good news thanks for listening to me”

Dont lose hope i know what your going threw. my little girl is also in the NICU right now. She has only been in there since June 20th. Its seems like forever. I sometimes think i am getting depressed too but i know things will get better in time

Don't get discouraged, like everyone else said, what you're feeling is what we've all felt. You're a good mother, you wouldn't feel like this if you weren't! When they told me that the NICU is an emotional rollercoaster, they were absolutely right! It's two steps forward and one step back. I know there was time that I didn't think he would ever come home, but there he is. I would definately ask about the anemia, though. Hang in there and remember to celebrate all of the victories and let yourself cry at the set backs and know that you are doing the best that you can! Good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. I wonder if the whole NICU rollercoaster as well as postpartum hormones are making the situation worse?
Did the doctors tell you why your lo was losing weight? It is much harder dealing with the whole NICU experience with another lo at home. You feel like you are failing everyone and you just want life to go back to "normal".
Have you considered speaking to your OB about how badly you are feeling?
I wish I had some magic words to make it all ok. I really do know exactly how you are feeling.

Quoting Colleen13:“ I know exactly how you feel. I wonder if the whole NICU rollercoaster as well as postpartum hormones ... [snip!] ... how badly you are feeling? I wish I had some magic words to make it all ok. I really do know exactly how you are feeling.”

he had jaundice which is gone now. but when he was under the lights he just did not want to eat at all.
and the nurse told me today he will probably go down to 4 lb even becouse they will cercumsise him tomorrow...
whats worse is i was trying to complaine and get emotion out through talking to my husband who is at tech school and cant come home, and it just made him worried and all sad. so i felt like i had to pretend to be strong and tell him every thing will be fine,... im tired of being the strong one and having to pretend to be fine with every thing

How old is he? Bella was 2 lbs 9 ozs at birth and got down to 2.4. She is 16 days old now and is back up to 2.13. I know how you are feeling. They tell you to expect a rollercoaster and boy is it. Bella went 4 days with no bradys or apnea and then yesterday she had 3. You just have to keep telling yourself that everything will be ok and celebrate all his steps foward. It is ok to cry, or be mad, or any other emotion you are feeling, just don't let them change who you are. I'll be praying for your LO momma. Good luck!

Quoting luke and joes moma:“ he had jaundice which is gone now. but when he was under the lights he just did not want to eat at ... [snip!] ... and tell him every thing will be fine,... im tired of being the strong one and having to pretend to be fine with every thing”

I know it's so hard to just pretend everything is ok. Do you have family to vent to?
I am always around if you want to cry, scream, vent, whatever!
Keep praying for your lo and he will be home soon.
My lo's name is also Luke, he is my little miracle boy. It's hard to believe all the he went through, he is 8 months now and 19 lbs! Your little Luke will be too, it will all be worth it when you can bring him home. How is your other lo doing with all the changes? It's so hard for them to understand. (((Hugs)))