Two abortions is enough for me.

I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams when I was 18 years old. He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met, and we've now been married for about a year and a half. I'm glad we found each other, and married life with him is good. When we first met, he was 27 and I was 18. In May of 2007 (I was 19 at this point) I discovered I was pregnant, and it was his. I wasn't far along - we caught it very early. It tore me apart that I couldn't have his child, because I had already told him I wanted to. But I was a teenager, I was in college, and I was still living with my parents. To make matters worse, he was married to another woman.Scared as hell, I hadmy firstabortion around 6.5 weeks.One of my brothers told me what to do and where to go for help. It cost a whopping $400, and it is one of the worst pains I have ever experienced - emotionally and physically. I cried endless nights about it because I knew that my parents would scornme if Iever told them that I was pregnant. That was the primary reason for getting the abortion. Ididn't want my parents to disown me.Then,much to my dismay,the same nightmare happened allover again just4 months later, that September. I was pregnant once again, and sought another abortion (this time $433). It was by the same man.I thought the second one would be easier, but it was far worse. I laid in bed one night crying myself to sleep. I am a very Pro-Choice person, butit tore me apartanyway. Having an abortion with someone youtruly love does not feel good.It feels wrong.In the nights before my second abortion, I felt like Iwas about to destroy a life that was meant to be, again. Reluctantly I began taking birth control pills for the first time in my life, not wanting any more of this trauma. Thepull-out method we had been using was just not cutting it, and we knew it. Shortly aftermysecond abortion, thelove of my life divorced his wife. He had been pressured into the marriage tobegin with, andhe could no longer tolerate her attitude toward him.As soon as the divorce was finalized, he married me at the courthouse. We were so in love. We are still so in love. Only 20 years old at the time of getting married, I told no one aboutit. I was afraid, again, of scorn from my parents. By July of 2008, I felt the need to change my last name to his. We had been married for nearly 6 months. Upon doing this my parents discovered what had happened and became very angry at first. They thought I might be making a mistake. But once they got to know my husband, they realized he was not a bad guy. It wasn't long before we started planning the wedding. For the last several months I had been experiencing horrible symptoms: wicked headaches, insomnia, extremely sore breasts, and sudden mood swings (usually to anger). My mom thought it might be my birth control pills. So I went to the doctor and he prescribed me the lowest-hormone birth control pills on the market, even though I had already been taking Ortho Tricyclen Lo. No success. The symptoms persisted. Disgusted, I quit taking birth control pills altogether. My mom told me they always gave her back pains, so I figured that my intolerance for the damn things was genetic. Luckily I didn't become pregnant before my wedding, which was on May 23, 2009. We reverted to our old pull-out method but he was a lot more cautious and we combined the method with rhythm. By the way, I should mention he hates the smell of latex. We used condoms in the months leading up to the wedding but he did not enjoy it - he did it because he loved me. It has been almost one year since I quit taking "the pill" and we are now 21 and 30 years old. He and I both feel like another abortion is absolutely out of the question. We love each other, we are married, we are not teenagers, and we are not poor. We also have a strong desire to start a family, whenever possible. But the people on TheBump.com thought otherwise. They said having another abortion might be necessary depending on where I was in my life. I was absolutely horrified and, irrate, I slammed a gallon jug of water into the wall. How could anyone say that to me?! I am VERY Pro Choice, but part of being Pro Choice means you think women have the right to HAVE kids, too. Being Pro Choice does not mean Pro Abortion - it means you believe women have the right to CHOOSE when, how, with who, and how many they have. Though I think abortion should always be available to women, I am not interested any longer. My husband and I have known each other for almost 3 years and I feel I am NOT incapable of raising an infant. We love each other intensely and kids are not something he wants to "hold off on." Pregnancy is a very real possibility for me now. I will be 22 in November and I am looking for some moral support if I conceive. Personally I do not believe it is a "good idea" to wait around for 10 years before starting a family. A lot of bad things could happen to either of us by the year 2019. I think if you love someone, and you know you want kids with them, go for it. Just my opinion. I do not need criticism, or people telling me right from wrong - I don't take that kind of advice from other people. I could use real, practical advice. I could use friends. I do not want to be pregnant and alone. And I certainly do not want another abortion.

Wow...that's a lot. I have a lot of opinions and frankly you should expect them being on a public forum. That being said for the time being I will refrain and just say I hope you know what you are getting into and that you have an education and career that you can support a child without your parents and without your husband should that be what it comes down to.

IMO if a man loves you and you're pregnant and you both want to have a child together he would have convinced you not to have an abortion, because being fearful of your parents is the WRONG reason. Also, sleeping with someones husband   If he loved you he would have chosen you a long time ago, rather than used you.

"Real, practical advice" is just that--advice. It is someone else's opinion. If that's not what you're looking for, BG might not be right for you. These women are opinionated just like you are--like we all are.
Just a heads-up. Good luck with TTC!

Quoting humideyes:“ I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams when I was 18 years old. He was the sweetest guy I'd ... [snip!] ... practical advice. I could use friends. I do not want to be pregnant and alone. And I certainly do not want another abortion.”

Wow, that was alot to read. I wish you the best and im sry you had to put yourself through that. Hopefully you conceive easy this time like the others and can experience pregnancy like the rest of us on here. Its a wonderful experience.

You can find away to prevent getting pregnant. Just don't use abortion as a form a birth control. That's wrong. I'm pro choice too but... There are ALL kinds of different bc. Good luck!

Hon you did what was right for you at the time. You can't fault yourself for it!! People think that a screen name and anonimity give them a right to be assholes especially about their view on abortion...so don't let strangers get that much power over you.

Goodluck in the future with any and all children you have!

Wow  Good luck and welcome to BG.

Quoting HaleyLane & Baby Levi:“ You can find away to prevent getting pregnant. Just don't use abortion as a form a birth control. That's wrong. I'm pro choice too but... There are ALL kinds of different bc. Good luck!”

After i have this one, im leaning towards an IUD. I've heard many great things about it.

welcome to BG and good luck with TTC.

remember though, after you have a kid, you are very fertile for awhile, so I'd start considering an IUD since there aren't any hormones in it!

well....that's a lot to go through so young. i'm sorry you felt that you had to have the abortions. i got pregnant at 17, and knew that my parents would disown me, but i stuck to my guns and had my baby. my parents came around, and love him more than life.
i wish you the best of luck in your future pregnancies, i know it can be more complicated after having abortions. i hope that you and your husband can stop living by other's expectations, and only live by your own. that's the only way you're gonna be happy honey. finish school, and when the time is right God will give you the baby you need. good luck.

he doesnt like the smell of latex. that is the lamest excuse i have ever heard. i dont like the smell of it either. but that doesnt mean im going to risk getting pregnant, esp when youve already had 2 abortions that hes played a roll in the conception of. i know what you did had to have been hard, but that seems awfully irresponsible now.

He only wanted what was best for me when this all happened two years ago. He is not the kind of person who believes in forcing other people to do things. He believes that individuals should think for themselves and do what they feel is right in their own head and heart. Having known him for this long, I have adopted the same philosophy.

We do not have anything against getting pregnant, so using extreme measures of birth control is not really necessary. We do alright with our current method - it just gets frustrating when I'm around the time of ovulation (we avoid sex). But the main issue is that we're not sure when to start having kids. The right time is different for different people. I know a lot of people in a lot worse situations who have children and are doing just fine.

Quoting MommyRu:“ welcome to BG and good luck with TTC. remember though, after you have a kid, you are very fertile for awhile, so I'd start considering an IUD since there aren't any hormones in it!”

Someone told me today that the only IUD that doesnt have hormones is the copper one.

Wow hun you're definitely not alone! I knew the love of my life since junior year in HS, and we were both with different people, but best friends. We finally ended up getting together about 4 years later...and went thru the same thing - found out I was pregnant, and we were both so completely not ready. We were constant partiers, couldn't pay the bills, couldn't even feed ourselves half the time (not that we cared lol) and overall just knew that it would be a bad idea to bring a baby into our world just then (not saying ur situation was the same). It was the hardest decision we had to make - we agonized about it. Finally ended up doing it at 7 1/2 weeks, and it was terrible. The physical pain was bad, but the emotional pain has never gone away. I'm ashamed of it, yea, but I would be more ashamed if we had had the baby, and not been able to take care of him/her. This was 4 years ago, and now we have a son who's going to be 1 in August, and a little girl on the way in Sept   We were a lot more responsible when we found out we were going to have our son...and I know how you feel about going thru it alone, because I sure did. My dad lives in EU., and my mom wouldn't speak to me after I told her - she wanted me to get another abortion or give him up for adoption. His parents...well, u know, they're his parents lol. Doesn't do me a lot of good. And I certainly didn't have anyone after we had the baby! That was probably the hardest part - I had no one to ask for help.
Soo...whatever happens with you...I won't be critical and I'll definitely talk to you about it! I'm sure there are a lot of others on here who will, as well.