Pregnancy For The Wrong Reasons ...

I have been complaining to DH about this for a while and I wanted to put in the D&D ,,,
So two years ago I had a MC andat the time me and my now husband were dating. When we found out we were pregnant, we decided that we would get engaged. I was 13 weeks pregnant when I MC, well my DH has a cousin and his cousin is married to a nice enough girl, but she is very competitive to the point of having children. Before I had my D&C in July she and I and both of our DH's were up at the cabin and she was talking about how in september they were going to start trying to have a baby. Keep in mind this was in 07... well I was very taken back by the fact that she would even bring this up at such a rough and sad point in my life.
Fast foward 2 years later... she has now had a little boy who is about to turn a year old. Now my SIL is pregnant and about to give birth also... the two of them seem more alike each day... well...
Ever since my CIL had gotten pregnant and had her baby, and SIL has been pregnant the two of them have been acting like they are SOOOO much older then me. Like I can't even have a conversation with them... they talk about being pregnant next time around for # 2 and things of that sort....

I have been through 2 MC and an abortion back when i was 18 (please, dont give me shit for it, I regret it each day.) They have no clue how precious pregnancy is... and what a miracle is...

My question... is how do you all feel about people acting a certain way once they become pregnant, and wanting to become pregnant for the wrong reasons??
JW...

I think i would slap them both upside the head they should be so lucky to have it so easy. Me and my DH had decided to TTC after my daughter turned a year and gave up because nothing happened and now she is 2.

I think their children will be greatly effected by it, speaking from personal experience.

My mom was TTC at 17 and got pregnant, married my dad, all just to get out of the house and away from her parents. We've never really been close and she's always been selfish. My brother & I were more accessories than anything else.I honeslty don't remember the last time my mom hugged me, told me she loved me, or just called to see how I was doing:/

Quoting Just My Luck...:“ I have been complaining to DH about this for a while and I wanted to put in the D&D ,,, So two ... [snip!] ... about people acting a certain way once they become pregnant, and wanting to become pregnant for the wrong reasons?? JW...”

Like everything in life pregnancy changes good, bad, or indifferent. I can wholeheartedly say I am a different person than I was this time last year, and even more different than I was after my miscarriage. If you want a baby have a baby for that reason, not competition.

Quoting Mrs. Eastman:“ I think i would slap them both upside the head they should be so lucky to have it so easy. Me and my ... [snip!] ... so easy. Me and my DH had decided to TTC after my daughter turned a year and gave up because nothing happened and now she is 2.”

Thats what I am saying... I want to yell at both of them but there family ...ugh 

Quoting twiztedsis:“ Like everything in life pregnancy changes good, bad, or indifferent. I can wholeheartedly say I am a ... [snip!] ... year, and even more different than I was after my miscarriage. If you want a baby have a baby for that reason, not competition.”

you said it perfectly omg!!! Wow.

I've had more issues with friends that won't inculde us. They think because we have a baby that we just don't want to go out. It's hard to make them understand it's not the we don't want to we just have to plan things out a little more, for like a babysitter and stuff.

I do in some ways understand what your saying, about there aditude toward you, and it is wrong. Sure you can't take part in ever aspect of the converstion, but they should be more supportive to your loses than what you are saying.

People will always choose the wrong reasons to do things, i think it's people way of covering up the fact that they are afraid of being left out. No it's not right, but as long as they are taking care of their reponsabilitys it's not realy wrong either

Quoting Williams Family Babydust:“ I've had more issues with friends that won't inculde us. They think because we have a baby that we just ... [snip!] ... of being left out. No it's not right, but as long as they are taking care of their reponsabilitys it's not realy wrong either”

I agree!!!

I think it is stupid to have babies for competition, but I wouldnt care much or think about it at all beyond thinking it is stupid. Its their life, not mine.

And as for acting different when they are pregnant, that happens, you feel proud and want to talk about it with other women, especially those who are pregnant and going through the same stage in life. I dont think its a big deal.

But it was incredibly rude to talk to you about it after you had MC.

Quoting Mrs. Eastman:“ I think i would slap them both upside the head they should be so lucky to have it so easy. Me and my ... [snip!] ... so easy. Me and my DH had decided to TTC after my daughter turned a year and gave up because nothing happened and now she is 2.”

Just curious, did you have trouble conceiving the first time?

i would yell at them anyways. They need to understand that your not having a child doesn't make you a different person. Weither by choice (or in your case not) the fact that you'r not a mom isn't a bad thing, and you shouldn't be treated differently. After all you are still family! They need to know that they are being rude, and that with everthing you've been through their additudes are very inaproperite. Heaven knows, maybe you'll get lucky and they just don't realize they are upseting you and will try to fix things right away

Quoting Williams Family Babydust:“ i would yell at them anyways. They need to understand that your not having a child doesn't make you a ... [snip!] ... Heaven knows, maybe you'll get lucky and they just don't realize they are upseting you and will try to fix things right away”

Thats a good point.  

First thing is do you know that she was doing it to be competitive? Sure, maybe you being pregnant sparked her wanting to get pregnant but that they may not have been out of spite at all. Second thing is, I would try to calm downa little, and I don't mean that in a negative way AT ALL. This happened to me recently. I had a tubal pregnacy, which was actually my third pregnancy loss, and all my highly obnoxious SIL could do was ask for our baby stuff and they would call me and ask me pregnancy questions all the time. I thought it was rude, but then I realized that some people are just not bright enough to know what not to say. I like to call it being socially inept. Just think of how much more you can appreciate being pregnant and the miracle of having a healthy pregnancy. Most people don't know how special that really is.

And I don't think most women here are going to give you shit about having abortions. A lot of members on here have had them (myself included).

If you need to talk, I'm here!!!!!

Quoting Sticking feathers up your:“ First thing is do you know that she was doing it to be competitive? Sure, maybe you being pregnant sparked ... [snip!] ... shit about having abortions. A lot of members on here have had them (myself included). If you need to talk, I'm here!!!!!”

I don't know for sure that she was doing it to be competitive, but the nature of this girl is that. I mean that's not the first time she has said something or done something. But yes, I understand what you mean.

And yeah, I know what it means to be preggo... it's special and i think its screwed up that they are taking it for granit.

Quoting Sticking feathers up your:“ First thing is do you know that she was doing it to be competitive? Sure, maybe you being pregnant sparked ... [snip!] ... shit about having abortions. A lot of members on here have had them (myself included). If you need to talk, I'm here!!!!!”

wow you gave me a good thought.
My best friend didn't understand what was going on when i went through my m/c. I yelled at her after the third day of "are you feeling ok? we should get together" fuck it's not a period, it's a child. She asked what i ment. I had to explain theres a reason they tell you to wait 6wk after delivery to have sex YOUR BODY HAS TO HEAL. She just couldn't get it, she even asked if it was just a late period. I'm like fuck I held the fetus in my hand, it's not like a period you don't cramp and bleed a few days and everythings fine, it can take weeks even months just for your body to recover. I was pissed, and she still didn't get it.
I guess i just assumed because i knew what to expect that everyone would have some idea of what a m/c is and what you have to go through.