my story

I had an abortion when I was 15 years old. I was 19w1d along according to my due date. (20 weeks gestation)

The abortion took place at Hope Clinic for Woman on February 3rd-4th, 2004. When my parents and I got to the clinic, they signed me in and we waited in a small private waiting room for my name to be called. I was walked into a room that had an ultrasound machine in it and was asked to lay down on a table. the nurse put gel on my tummy and put the prob on my stomach and turned the screen so I couldn't see it. as I looked out the window I listened to the machine beeping and tried to push things aside for the time being.After she was done I was asked to walk to a different room where I had to talk to a counselor. we spoke for about an hour about what was going to happen, if I was positive I wanted to have the abortion, and my story. Once we were finished I was walked down to another room and had to get blood drawn after waiting what seemed like an entirety I was taken down to the area the abortion was going to take place in and was given a gown to put on and was told to undress from the waist down. while I waited I noticed there were three other girls with me. one of them was about 13 or 15 and couldn't stop crying. I wanted to talk to her, to ask her why she was having an abortion but I was to scared to move. her situation was different then mine and I couldn't tell her why I was having my abortion. I later found out that her mom was making her have the abortion because she wanted her daughter to stay in school and go into modeling. finally a nurse called my name and I followed her into the "abortion room". I was told to lay down on the examining table and to wait for the doctor to come. when the doctor finally came in she explained what she was going to do and told me not to move. just before she did anything else she showed me something she was going to insert in my cervix and said it may cause discomfort. (it looked like a toothpick with a string at the end) I was told if it comes out during the night to call the clinic as soon as possible. once it was inserted I got another ultrasound to make sure the piece was placed right and got a shot in my tummy. then I was sent away with my parents to stay at a hotel a few miles away.

during the night my water started to leak and I couldn't sleep. I tried getting a hold of someone at the clinic but I couldn't so I left them a voice mail. I couldn't sleep for more then 45 minutes because of the pains but I wasn't allowed to take anything for it. I would wake my mom up to let her know I was having what I thought were contractions and she just said, "try to sleep it off". at 7am we checked out and made our way back to the clinic. I remember not feeling my baby move the entire way back there. I tapped my stomach to see if the baby would move but I didn't feel anything, except for maybe a slight movement..or maybe I imaging it. I remember feeling so empty inside and all I wanted to do was jump out of the car and run away and pray that everything was okay with my baby. =(

as we pulled into the parking lot of the clinic, a man standing on the sidewalk started to approach our car. as he did, I realized he was carrying a sign with a picture of a aborted baby's head cut in half. he kept yelling, "don't do it mama! you'll regret it!" I seriously thought he was going to rush over and grab me out of the car and yell at me and say I was worthless and a miserable piece of crap for what I was about to do. just then a security guard ran over to us and put his arm around me and said everything was going to be ok. my dad couldn't handle his emotions anymore and walked over to the man and started yelling at him. it took the security guard a few minutes and him telling the man off to get my dad to come back over but before he did, my dad explained to the man my situation. the man then apologized for his behavior and so did the man. I remember looking over at the man with the sign and seeing tears in his eyes as he waved his hand up at me as he walked away from the clinic.

as we made our way inside the clinic we were greeted by a nurse that was going to be next to me during the abortion. at this point I was separated from my parents and I had to follow the nurse down to the abortion area and got undress from the waist down once again. I was giving a couple pills and some juice to drank and as I waited I began to get really tired. I realized immediately that the pills they had given me were sleeping pills and I tried fighting them but I couldn't. I heard a nurse say something and they wheeled a chair over to me and had to me sit in it. as she wheeled me to the "abortion room" I knew it was time. I slowly began to focus on everything that was going on and even answered a few questions from the nurses and watched as a nurse did an ultrasound to check my cervix. I was given another shot in my belly, one in my hip and one on the inside and was told to wait. I got really sleepy and just as I was about to fall asleep I heard the "doctor" come in. I got a sudden shock of fear inside me when I realized it was a man and I felt really uncomfortable about him seeing me. I don't know why..but I didn't want HIM to do the procedure, I wanted one of the nicer people, the nurses to do it. the guy was stern in his way and never once said a kind word to me during the whole 20 minutes it took for the abortion to be complete. I remember the doctor separating my legs because I had no feeling in them from the knee up and feeling like I was being forced into what was about to happen. what happened next is a bit of a blur. I heard the vacuum and feeling my insides being ripped apart. I remember crying and shaking uncontrollably and someone saying if I didn't calm down they would have to quit and give me time to myself. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be fine but nobody did. I remember looking over and seeing the nurse that had greeted me when I walked into the clinic an hour ago looking over at the ultrasound machine as it guided the doctor and seeing her eyes filled with water. I couldn't help it. I wanted everything around me to be a memory. I knew it was over once the vacuum was turned off and everyone was quiet. I heard someone say something about a clamp and feeling the worse pain in my entire life. the emotional pain of realizing the abortion was done. I had actually gone through with it. I started to pull up off the table and the doctor reached up and grabbed me by the hip and said not to move. once he was done he walked out of the room and that was the last time I saw him. I was helped up by the nurses and just as I was leaning down to sit in a wheel chair I saw the container with the remains of my baby. I seen parts of her I couldn't recognize except some hair..maybe an arm..a leg..then a nurse helped me into my chair brought me to a bathroom outside of the waiting room.

I couldn't feel above my knees and I was shaking so bad I could barely walk. I cried on the bathroom floor and threw up so many times. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, holding a blanket around my waist and blood being on my gown and repeating the words, "I killed my baby". I heard a knock on the door and the nurse asked me if everything was alright. I replied "yeah" but I obviously wasn't.. I just wanted to say good-bye to my baby. to hold her..but I couldn't. I remember feeling empty inside and all I kept thinking of was how could I have done this. I had no idea how having an abortion could take so much away from a woman. I slowly started to pull myself together and managed to take out the tampon that was put in by one of the nurses and seeing all the blood on it almost made me faint. once I got my clothes on and put on a pad. I walked out of the bathroom and over to a chair. and sat down until I was awake enough to sign myself out. a nurse said there would be a counselor out to speak with me in a little bit but I told her to come now cause I couldn't wait. a few minutes later my counselor came out and I bluntly asked her how come I didn't get to hold my baby. she said with the procedure I had there wouldn't of been anything to hold and had I said something about holding the baby they would of set it up. the bad thing is I did ask the day before the abortion if I could hold my baby and she said she would "look into it" which meant no. I just wanted to leave and tell everyone "smurf you" but I didn't. I knew there were other girls in the waiting room with me but I didn't care. they needed to hear it too! finally I was told I could leave and my parents came and walked me out of the clinic.

just as we were walked out I asked my mom if they had given her my ultrasound pictures but she said they didn't so she went back in to get them. the only ones they gave us were "copies" of the baby's head when they measured it when we first got there and said I couldn't have the originals because it was for "filling purposes.". after that I got really tired and 10 minutes later I was out. the aftermath of the abortion came about 2 weeks later when I had a panic attack because I couldn't understand why things had happen the way they did and why nobody could explain to me why I had to go through with it.



I regret having the abortion mostly because my parents talked me into it and I had no control over it. I struggled for weeks prior to the abortion to talk them into letting me keep the baby but they're thought on the matter was it wasn't right. Even thought I was only pregnant for 19 weeks it was the best thing to ever happen to me! I heard the baby's heartbeat 3x's and started feeling kicks around 16 weeks. I never got to find out the sex but something in me said it was a girl.

My cousin started molesting me when I was 9 years old. The abuse continued till I was 15 and ended the night I told my mom what was going on. After the DNA tests came back to prove he was the father he was sentenced to 16 years in prison with the possibility of parole. After 13 years he will have serviced 85% of his sentencing and could be released.



please do not copy & paste this.

Is that your story?

If so it made me sad.

i really wish you wouldnt have posted this. Now i wont sleep 




Edited: I am soooooooo SORRYYYY you had to go thru this!
You Are One Strong woman.

Quoting ♥ValeRoSi ♥:“ i really wish you wouldnt have posted this. Now i wont sleep ”

Wonder how she feels?!  

~WOW~ this was long and interesting~ I'm glad that you added how the baby was conceived it gave me more of an insight on what you have done so regretfully~ I'm also glad to hear that justice was served~ Good luck to you in the future~

Quoting Em&Amber'sMomma:“ Wonder how she feels?!  ”

No smurf!

Im so sorry you had to go through that! I just can't imagine what it must be like for you to live with that. You are one strong momma! I wish I had some good words and advice to give to you.  

Thank you for sharing your story! It was brave of you to do and I appreciate it

wow~~~17 weeks..... wow~~ i really don't know what to say.....

Quoting Fart knocker smexy:“ Is that your story? If so it made me sad.”

yes..it is..I've worked on it for two weeks and tonight I finally finished it. a friend of mine had her son on my due date and everytime I see him I think of Miranda.  

Quoting Christin Savini:“ wow~~~17 weeks..... wow~~ i really don't know what to say.....”

then don't say a god damn word!

Quoting Melissa says::“ yes..it is..I've worked on it for two weeks and tonight I finally finished it. a friend of mine had her son on my due date and everytime I see him I think of Miranda.  ”

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, hun..

Quoting Melissa says::“ yes..it is..I've worked on it for two weeks and tonight I finally finished it. a friend of mine had her son on my due date and everytime I see him I think of Miranda.  ”

Awww hun i am so sorry I am just cring for you!

You a super strong person!
*hugs*

Quoting Fart knocker smexy:“ then don't say a god damn word!”

you are really on to get someone arent you??
OP i am sorry didnt know it was your story!

totally disregard what was here.

i should have read the whole story- sorry for jumping to conclusions.

i am so sorry op. you poor thing.