Quoting Avery's Birth Mom:" i'm Hallie. i'm 20..i had a baby girl on the 9th of September. i stayed in the hospital with her for ... [snip!] ... her away... but i cant take it back. no matter how much i want to.. will i always feel this way; be this depressed?"
Back when I had my son in the 80's you got to stay in the hospital for 3 days. And being a private adoption I had to walk out of the hospital with my son and hand him over. Originally I wasn't supposed to meet his adopting parents they wanted it that way. I left contact up to them and unfortunatly they choose not to have contact with me once we left the hospital. I spent 3 days with my amazing little man and signed my rights away with him in my lap. The parents did come see me when they found out I had to leave the hospital with him. I am glad they did so I met them. When we left the hospital on valentine's day all three of us hugged with my son in the middle. They didn't keep his name as far as I know. The adopted a little girl a couple of yrs later and I found out that they let the birth mom have contact with her regularly. It hurt even 16 years later that they didn't give me that chance.
You asked if it gets better, will you always be depressed? No body can answer this for you. With me it did get better slowly that year but every year for the first little while I cried when I thought about hiim as well as on his birthday and Valentine's Day. Then only on his birthday and Valentine's day the tears flowed. Now almost 26 years later I still think about him often, I would like to meet him one day. My kids, I have had since, know of him and all my friends and family know about him. He is not a secret this helps because I can talk about him and I don't keep it inside. You gave they couple a amazing gift and it will be hard for a while but it will get better. There is no doubt you would have been a good parent and will be a good parent to your future children. Remember you gave a gift to this couple and if they adopt the other girl then you daughter will have a sister to grow up with and be loved by loving parents. You can contact me anytime to talk if you want.