re: Birth Mom Support Thread

Hi Ladies,
I am new here. I am a Birth mom of a 25 year old boy (man), I have a 20 year old daughter and a 10 year old son I kept and I am in a interesting situation as I am adopting in Jan or maybe Feb. "T" is due Jan 30, 2 of my kids are already Feb babies.

i'm Hallie. i'm 20..i had a baby girl on the 9th of September. i stayed in the hospital with her for four days because i had a c section. those were the happiest four days of my life so far..i really loved taking care of her...but i couldn't ask for a more wonderful and caring adoptive family to raise her. i included the mother in the delivery and care during those four days..and her and her husband were so amazing and understanding..I named the baby Avery Michelle and they kept her name. I can't even begin to explain how much that meant to me.. so far I've been able to visit her every two weeks...i get pictures all the time from the parents. but today it really just hit me, that i signed my parental rights away...that she wont call me mom... and it just hurts so much.. Avery's father is having another baby with another girl and at first they decided to give her up for adoption (shes not yet born) and i just found out they changed their mind. and that hurt so much. i'm heartbroken.. i guess i'm just jealous...i wish i could take signing those papers back. i just am so depressed right now and i could really use someone to talk to. everyone tells me what a wonderful thing i did for them (her parents) and what a good mom i am...but i feel like the worst mom in the world. like i would've been a bad mom anyway. like i don't deserve a child. even tho its what i want most. i never wanted to give her away... but i cant take it back. no matter how much i want to.. will i always feel this way; be this depressed?

Quoting Avery's Birth Mom:" i'm Hallie. i'm 20..i had a baby girl on the 9th of September. i stayed in the hospital with her for ... [snip!] ... her away... but i cant take it back. no matter how much i want to.. will i always feel this way; be this depressed?"

Have you talked with a therapist? I know how it feels. My ex is having another baby with someone. Our son will be 15 months old when this baby is born. Im glad that you are happy with everything. You wont always be depressed.

Quoting Avery's Birth Mom:" i'm Hallie. i'm 20..i had a baby girl on the 9th of September. i stayed in the hospital with her for ... [snip!] ... her away... but i cant take it back. no matter how much i want to.. will i always feel this way; be this depressed?"

Back when I had my son in the 80's you got to stay in the hospital for 3 days. And being a private adoption I had to walk out of the hospital with my son and hand him over. Originally I wasn't supposed to meet his adopting parents they wanted it that way. I left contact up to them and unfortunatly they choose not to have contact with me once we left the hospital. I spent 3 days with my amazing little man and signed my rights away with him in my lap. The parents did come see me when they found out I had to leave the hospital with him. I am glad they did so I met them. When we left the hospital on valentine's day all three of us hugged with my son in the middle. They didn't keep his name as far as I know. The adopted a little girl a couple of yrs later and I found out that they let the birth mom have contact with her regularly. It hurt even 16 years later that they didn't give me that chance.
You asked if it gets better, will you always be depressed? No body can answer this for you. With me it did get better slowly that year but every year for the first little while I cried when I thought about hiim as well as on his birthday and Valentine's Day. Then only on his birthday and Valentine's day the tears flowed. Now almost 26 years later I still think about him often, I would like to meet him one day. My kids, I have had since, know of him and all my friends and family know about him. He is not a secret this helps because I can talk about him and I don't keep it inside. You gave they couple a amazing gift and it will be hard for a while but it will get better. There is no doubt you would have been a good parent and will be a good parent to your future children. Remember you gave a gift to this couple and if they adopt the other girl then you daughter will have a sister to grow up with and be loved by loving parents. You can contact me anytime to talk if you want.

Quoting Angela Stogrin-Webb:" Back when I had my son in the 80's you got to stay in the hospital for 3 days. And being a private ... [snip!] ... daughter will have a sister to grow up with and be loved by loving parents. You can contact me anytime to talk if you want. "

I totally agree...

My son that I adopted out was my 3rd pregnancy. I had my oldest son at 19, and kept him. Then got pregnant at 21, had an abortion and then at 23 got pregnant again and chose adoption [both stories are in Abortion Surviors]. The adoptive dads didnt give me any choice in his name or if he was to be circ'd. It pains me. But I know I have to go on for my 5 year old son.

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Have you talked with a therapist?"

yeah, i go to a grief counselor once a week. and a group session once a week.

Quoting Avery's Birth Mom:" yeah, i go to a grief counselor once a week. and a group session once a week."

That is good.

Well.. my handsome little man's birthday is on Monday  
I had bought a little cake, and last night I made a video of me making his birthday wish and blowing out the candle. I just haven't uploaded it yet  
But, I was gonna eat the cake on his birthday. Well, this morning I'd slept in, and my daughter came and woke me up. When I asked what she was doing, she told me, "eating cake." So, I walked into the living room... and she had destroyed that cute little cake  
Oh well... I got to nibble on it, at least :p

Quoting Kahleesi:" Well.. my handsome little man's birthday is on Monday   I had bought a little cake, and last night I ... [snip!] ... I walked into the living room... and she had destroyed that cute little cake   Oh well... I got to nibble on it, at least :p"

Awh  

Im sorry mama. How old is your LO that was adopted?

Quoting Kahleesi:" Well.. my handsome little man's birthday is on Monday   I had bought a little cake, and last night I ... [snip!] ... I walked into the living room... and she had destroyed that cute little cake   Oh well... I got to nibble on it, at least :p"

I'm not gonna lie, I probably would've cried over that one.   Sorry she ate the cake. Happy 2nd Birthday to your little man!

I've been collecting addresses of Birth Mothers to send them cards on their babies birthdays...if you go over to my website, I'd love to send you a gift Mamma!! http://choosingdestiny.weebly.com/post-placement.html

On another note, I just heard about this online radio station that broadcasts a special hour long segment each Monday morning just for Birth Parents. Its actually put on by a woman who has placed a child for adoption and had an abortion. You can listen at 8:00 AM at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/7pc

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Awh   Im sorry mama. How old is your LO that was adopted? "

I have no idea. I mean, I assume he's okay and everything. It's a closed adoption, so I don't really know much, unfortunately  

And here's the vid   I got a bit emotional, and had to cut bits out.
It's funny, because when I started recording, I was okay, but then as soon as I was like "My wish is..." I started tearing up.
And there's that cake my daughter destroyed  

Quoting Kahleesi:" I have no idea. I mean, I assume he's okay and everything. It's a closed adoption, so I don't really know much, unfortunately  "

Awh,, why is it closed?  

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Awh,, why is it closed?  "

The adoptive parents wanted it that way. They closed it when he was like, a week old, I think. They wasted no time.
We've found loopholes, though, and have been able to get a few pics every once in a while, but that's a rarity.

Quoting Kahleesi:" The adoptive parents wanted it that way. They closed it when he was like, a week old, I think. They ... [snip!] ... wasted no time. We've found loopholes, though, and have been able to get a few pics every once in a while, but that's a rarity."

Wow... what a smurffy deal.   Im really sorry.