re: When birth bonding goes wrong **support**

Quoting 3hearts3000pockets:“ This is scaring me. I know that date will be very painful. But women are describing it as escruciatingly ... [snip!] ... CREATE A NEW WORD FOR THE AMOUNT OF PAIN THIS WORD DESCRIBES. I am finding myself a little depressed now.] Is this selfish?”

are you talking about labor? It depends on your labor. If you are induced yes it will be the most horrible pain you have ever felt... so try to have your baby without an induction

Quoting 3hearts3000pockets:“ This is scaring me. I know that date will be very painful. But women are describing it as escruciatingly ... [snip!] ... CREATE A NEW WORD FOR THE AMOUNT OF PAIN THIS WORD DESCRIBES. I am finding myself a little depressed now.] Is this selfish?”

You still have a while to go, so don't think about it too much.

I worried about labor throughout my entire pregnancy. And I think I psyched myself up too much, and the pain was worse then it should have been. (Mind over matter)


I was induced- it was the most TERRIBLE pain I have ever felt. But if you go without an iduction, it really isn't bad. But then again, it just depends on you, your state of mind, and your body.

Quoting tantric☮lemons:“ are you talking about labor? It depends on your labor. If you are induced yes it will be the most horrible pain you have ever felt... so try to have your baby without an induction”

mhm... try your hardest to go without an induction..

Sorry for dragging up an old thread. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who shared their story. I posted yesterday (or maybe the day before), because i'm having trouble bonding with my son. I cry everytime i type or think about, although i haven't told anyone (no one to tell!)

I'm exhausted (son still has to be held constantly, i barely get to pee alone) and i can relate to the hallucinating and feeling dizzy. I feel manic alot of the time as i can't even focus or see properly i feel so out of it and drained sometimes.

Briefly, it took many years for me to have this much wanted lil one. The pregnancy was tough, i ended up in a wheelchair and unable to walk, but it could have been worse.I never bonded with my son during the pregnancy. I looked at the scan pictures and thought he was cute, like the way you think a puppy is cute. I felt so stupid, i couldn't even imagine him as a real little person. I remember insulting some of the pics when i thought he had a big nose, and when i first felt his elbow/foot jabbing me i exclaimed "eww" - the thought of bones inside me was just gross and not the cute baby image youimagine. I think i was just blunt and cold about things because i was incredibly scared about losing him and i was just protecting myself.

I had a natural labour, it was nearly 26 hours and although it was the bare bones of what i wanted, i still felt embarassed and shocked afterwards. I missed being pregnant terribly and grieved for it. I felt shell shocked by the entire experience and couldn't believe i'd really had another baby. I imagined i'd cry the first time i held him, i mean i cried everytime i watched A Baby Story.....but when it came to it i don't think i felt much, except relief the labour was over. I was desperate to sleep after and expressed that to everyone, now i realise how selfish/strange that was.

I keep waiting for that rush of love, but it's still not happened. I don't feel a connection to him and it kills me and confuses me beyond belief as he was planned and so wanted. I do love him, i care for him very much. He's just like his dad, but looks nothing like me whatsover. I sometimes wonder if that has something to do with it. I do ALL the babycare, his dad just holds him for 10 minutes here and there.

I breastfeed on demand (pretty much constantly, i'm starting to feel guilty that i stick him on the boob just to keep him quiet, like i don't know what else to do with him when he's awake as i just feel awkward with him and feel that bfing is the kindest most nuturing option so i just do that, but he does cry and want to feed all the time anyway), i co sleep, he is never out of my arms for more than 3 or 4 mins. I do everything to instantly meet his needs and yet i still feel like he isn't my child, like i'm just babysitting.

It confuses me even more because i can't bare to be apart from him and am incredibly protective over him and the way i want to look after him. I've been apart from him twice - just in another room of the house, for about 20 mins each time. The first time i was supposed to be getting some sleep and i just cried the whole time, the second time i was taking a shower. I have to go into hospital next month and already i'm freaking out about how anyone else could possibly care for him or how he'll survive without me. Idk, it just doesn't make sense how i seem to love him so much and yet i have no bond with him. I've felt that rush of love before, and i'm so terribly terribly sad that i haven't felt it with him. I feel like he's just putting up with me because he has to, that there isn't really any connection there. I often have to remind myself to smile and get excited and interact with him for the sake of his development. Today my face actually hurt from the fake smiling, i mean seriously, i have a healthy 8.5 week old and i should be delighted.

OMG i started this by saying "briefly".. many apologies. I could go on in circles forever, i guess i'm just really confused and frustrated about the whole experience.

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ Sorry for dragging up an old thread. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who shared their story. ... [snip!] ... many apologies. I could go on in circles forever, i guess i'm just really confused and frustrated about the whole experience.”

I thought there was something wrong with me after my daughter was born. I thought she was neat, but i definitely didnt love her. there was so much wrong i couldnt even put my finger on it. Everything just felt wrong. I didn't think that i would ever feel it. I would rather look at pictures of her then her

But i can tell you from experience it does get better, the love does come.

I think just like everyone has a different pregnancy and a different labor, everyone bonds differently. And no way is the wrong or right way. I think one way is just less talked about. Sometimes it takes time for love to grow.

Quoting tantric☮lemons:“ my story : I was so excited when i got pregnant, i just sat there with a silly look on my face ... [snip!] ... Sometimes it takes work, it is not always a fairytale. Its not abnormal or anything to be ashamed about. Just keep it up  ”

wow I'm soo sorry..that's a horrible way to start out.. I'm glad that you finally got that bond. Your daughters absolutely adorable btw. [=

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ Sorry for dragging up an old thread. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who shared their story. ... [snip!] ... many apologies. I could go on in circles forever, i guess i'm just really confused and frustrated about the whole experience.”

you're not alone in feeling this, you definitely shouldn't feel guilty, I remember when I was in the same position as you w/ such a young baby, it wasn't fun at all, or bonding, or anything (I breastfed too). I didn't really start feeling a connection til 3 months, then it started to grow from there when he started having more of a personality, smiling & making funny noises. this feeling isn't going to last forever, idk if you mentioned PPD but if you feel you have it, maybe seeking help for that would make things better for you?

Quoting tantric☮lemons:“ I thought there was something wrong with me after my daughter was born. I thought she was neat, but ... [snip!] ... And no way is the wrong or right way. I think one way is just less talked about. Sometimes it takes time for love to grow.”

I'm so disappointed this has happened to me (i hope that doesn't sound selfish). This has to be our last child due to my health. I don't understand how i could've felt that intense rush of love for one child and yet not for this little one. It seems so unfair on him. I feel bad for him. I don't really think he loves me either, i mean he needs my boobs, but i don't think he knows im his mama. I just don't feel the connection when i look into his eyes   I desperately hope i do feel it someday, because i cannot imagine raising him feeling this way forever

Quoting Mrs. Conan O'Brien:“ you're not alone in feeling this, you definitely shouldn't feel guilty, I remember when I was in the ... [snip!] ... forever, idk if you mentioned PPD but if you feel you have it, maybe seeking help for that would make things better for you?”

Yup there isn't much fun about it. It's abit of a chore. I hate that i have to remind myself to smile or put on that play voice and pretend to be excited. Most the time i'm just relieved he is eating or sleeping as i'm exhausted and don't know what to do with him. I actually think i was more ecited to visit other peoples new babies - i used to adore them.

Don't get me wrong he's full of cute faces and expressions. He smiles and laughs everyday, for the first timejust before he turned 5 weeks. But i still don't really feel anything when he does it. Something is really missing   Thank you for telling me i'm not a freak, i was really ashamed in my thread about it.

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ I'm so disappointed this has happened to me (i hope that doesn't sound selfish). This has to be our ... [snip!] ... i look into his eyes   I desperately hope i do feel it someday, because i cannot imagine raising him feeling this way forever”

I thought M hated me   It was horrible. I was sure, she would be crying in my arms and then i would pass her off and she would stop. I don't think its not fair to him. Because i think bonds that grow with time are stronger than bonds that happen right away. At least in my case. I am so attached to my daughter. It is unreal, we have a very deep connection. And she isn't missing out on anything having it take time to bond. Its completely normal to feel disappointed, all you hoped for while pregnant was that one moment, where you meet your baby and love them. And we are told this moment happens to everyone. And when it doesnt happen... it feels like there is something horribly wrong. And sometimes hard to admit to yourself even. you WILL feel it. Its hard to believe now, especially if you are used to loving your children immediately. But it will happen

all you hoped for while pregnant was that one moment, where you meet your baby and love them. And we are told this moment happens to everyone.

So true  

I am attached to him, but i haven't had that in love feeling, it's the most intense amazing thing in the world and words can't express how much i miss it and want to feel it. I usually get that when they look in your eyes and smile, so everytime M does that i'm desperately waiting and expecting it to happen... but it never does   I hope he still feels a connection to me though, it must be scary/horrible for him if he doesn't and that is really my fault/responsibility.

I should probably just get over it and get on with things, but it's been a big deal for me and makes me sad everyday.

eta; thanks for giving me a place to express this, it helps to have told someone

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ all you hoped for while pregnant was that one moment, where you meet your baby and love them. And we ... [snip!] ... big deal for me and makes me sad everyday. eta; thanks for giving me a place to express this, it helps to have told someone”

it takes time
don't beat yourself up about it
  that is why i made the thread, so we can have somewhere to talk about it

Quoting Mama on bedrest:“ Yup there isn't much fun about it. It's abit of a chore. I hate that i have to remind myself to smile ... [snip!] ... does it. Something is really missing   Thank you for telling me i'm not a freak, i was really ashamed in my thread about it.”

you shouldn't feel ashamed... it's very common (unfortunately), everyone is different though... I said it took me around idk maybe 3 months to start slowly falling in love w/ Rocco, but then again everyone is different, you aren't the same as me & your baby isn't the same as anyone else's baby, you just have to give it time, sort of like any other person in the world, you don't just connect like THAT. & yea your baby is much different than 'any other person in the world,' but I hope you know what I'm getting at here lol...