Quoting dream:“ Do you mind if I ask you a question. I don't mean to be rude or insenitive, I just want to try and understand ... [snip!] ... the date of conception kinda thing. Thank you for listening and for any explanation. Again, please don't be offended.”
No, its okay and I understand your question. The first time I got pregnant I was 16 and in 10th grade, It was Jan 02 when I conceived but didnt take a pregnancy test until June 02, so pretty much when I came down to, " Oh, smurf my period isnt just abnormal, I think Im pregnant!" I was at work and took the test, called my mom crying and she told me," Get your little ass home" and also some other choice words. So, I go home, we talk, and she said that next Monday morning she was taking me to the clinic to see how far along I was.
We go, they do an ultrasound, they wouldnt let me look, only my mom. The lady was saying, "here is babies back bone and this is the head here.".... I was freaking out. I didnt understand the concept of pregnancy at 16. I was thinking I was in love with a POS of a guy who was 21 yrs old! My father and mother had just been through a horrible divorce and been married 13 yrs then bam! He was gone out of my life, I felt not loved and searching for it in ALL the wrong places. So, needless to say... we did the ultrasound, I was 19 weeks along and the nurse explained if we went through with the abortion procedure that I would have to be chked into the nearest hosiptal, due to me probably having major problems with me being so young and so far along pregnant. My mom still made my appointment and made me think, "I just couldnt have this baby."
When we left that place that day, I was horrified and scared and crying and told my mom, "I will do anything, please dont make me do this." She kept arguing with me and then went to talk to her then boyfriend, who also was like, "No!" She could feel my pain and hours later after crying and pleading she canceled that apponitment and told me that my then part time job was about to be fulltime and I had to get out of high school and get my GED. So, I can thankfully say I have a wonderful, loving, son who is now 6 years old, and I love very much.
After I had him in 02 *ETA*, everything seemed right and I only cared about him... time went by then up came another guy that swept me off my feet.... this is now 2005.....I then thought I had feel in love, my mom was careless let him move in to her house. She was sussoped to be my mom not my friend. And I tell her that alot now. I dont blame her for my stupidness but she in turn was the reason for alot of my bad choices. Me and this guy were together for about a year total, he said he wanted kids, I felt like we would be together forever... I was on birth control and got pregnant...I even started going to my prenatal visits to keep the baby, and then at 8 weeks stopped those visits by going to the abortion clinic. Need I say this is all about 2wks after my mom kicked my then ex-boyfriend out of the house for verbally abusing me and pushing me and ignoring me for 4 straight days... in my moms house. Me and my mom talked she said if I choose the abortion, it would be my decision and she would pay for it. So, I just took the easy road at the time and had the abortion. I felt horrible but apparently not horrible enough.
I wanted that baby so bad in 2005 and me ending up pregant for the third time before the baby in 05 was even due to be born, was another horrible mistake. The 3rd pregnancy came about in about the same way... except the guy that I was seeing, got me and my son kicked out my mothers house... i moved in with my best friend and was sleeping on an air matress.. and was not on BC but was not trying to get pregnant... and ended up pregnant. I did beg my mom to let me come home and have that baby...she was not having that. She said the only way I could come home was if I aborted it. I left the father, who at the time I just found out was taking some bad drugs and not working. I dropped him off at his friends and never looked back.
The third pregancy and what was my 2nd abortion, was my last one ever. I told myself that day..."why are you doing this to your body?"..." you have a beatiful 3yr old son at home" and "your son needs you!".... I went back to my mothers house and knew from that day forward I was going to pray and ask for forgiveness untill I couldnt ask anymore.
I then meet my now SO in late 2006 and he has been more of a father to my first son than ever and in 2008 we had our 2nd son who is now 8 months old. I cant say what I did was right, but what I chose to do at the time was right, I do regret the things I did in my life. But, I try not to look back. I knew that I needed to come back home and get my son out of that poistion of living here and there when I had my 2nd abortion and I knew that being at my moms house, his home, that he would be okay and safe and loved. I was the mess up and got pregnant. Even though it wasnt intended the 2nd abortion, it happened and I live everyday with that guilt. I have been called every NAME under the sun, I have been told, Im going to burn in hell. There is nothing new I can be told by posting anything I have written in this thread AT ALL.
But, if for some reason there may be this one girl who stumbles across my thread and reads my entire story....I hope and pray by the time she gets to these few words that she has a change of heart... if she was intending on maybe aborting her child or dont think she can do it....maybe she is in the same boat that I was...now, this post, this thread.... has changed her mind. The sorrow and regret that women live with going through with a abortion is horrible. It to me fees like every bit, "I deserve it!" I tell myself all the time, "You did this, dont be sad now!" I live day by day and all I can do is thank God for allowing me another chance to conceive and have another beautiful son. Everything happens for a reason and me and my kids are proof of that.
I hope I answered your question, to why 2 times I chose abortion. And to the other ladies who read this, if your thinking or have thought about abortion. Think HARD, because I didnt think hard enough and I wish I had! Thank you for reading!!