re: Welcome to the World Wyatt Aleksander

Wyatt Update:

They were able to turn down his ventilator today again. I don't know if I mentioned it before but we breath a mixture that is 21% oxygen in the air and they have his down to 30%. The doctors were thrilled that they could do that today.

Some mini babies are born with holes in their hearts, it is how blood flows from their heart and by passes their lungs. (There is a technical word for it but I cannot remember it right now). They try and give the babies some medicine a round of three injections to try and help the hole close so that they do NOT have to do surgery on the babies. Well they did an ecko on Wyatt's heart today and the medicine worked, the hole closed up on it's own without they having to do anything invasive, just the medicine.

They are going to start giving him my breast milk today at noon. 1cc every three hours and see if he can keep it inside of him because they want the good stuff that comes from breast milk to help him and see if it will help him even more.

I am sooooooooooooooooooo unbelievably happy hearing the news today from the NICU. I can't drive myself up right now because of the meds I am on and my recovery but I will see him this afternoon when my roommates come home. I just wanted to share my news.

Quoting £izzy -HJM- Wyatt's Momma:“ Wyatt Update: They were able to turn down his ventilator today again. I don't know if I mentioned ... [snip!] ... the meds I am on and my recovery but I will see him this afternoon when my roommates come home. I just wanted to share my news.”

aw i'm so happy he's doing good!! he's such a strong fighter mama!! i'll keep praying for him!

My Prayers are with you MOmma!! My little one was born 26 weeks 5 days. The NICU journey is a roller coaster. These babies are such fighters though! If you need anything dont hesitate to pm me.  

Hey, congrats on your lil man although i'm sorry you had to have him so early. I hope you are doing ok and recover quickly. NICU is a very hard place to be. My son was also 14" and weighed 1lb 14oz, that was over a year ago.

That's great his PDA closed by itself! although sometimes it does re-open, but meds can close it again. 30% is great too for the vent, hopefully it will stay that way. Also, with his PDA being closed his oxygen settings should stay good now.

Good luck with your journey, i hope it goes well and smooth for you both

The hole is still closed.
They have him down to 24% on the oxygen.
He has gained 4 ounces this week
he is taking breast milk and digesting it

so at the one week old he is now 2lbs 7oz

he's so precious!! I'm so glad he's doing well!  

Aw he's doing great  well done Wyatt  

I am having a really hard time right now. I feel very useless and like a failure. We are women, our bodies are made and designed to carry babies in them. We are supposed to be able to sustain them on our breast milk, essentially we are supposed to be made to have and care for them.

I could not carry my son to 40 weeks... they had to take him at 26 because MY body was failing. I am trying to pump and my right breast works fine but my left gives me issues. My heart breaks when I walk into the NICU and see him.... tears run down my face. I can't sit there and tell him that it will be okay because I don't know... I apologize to him over and over again. I am his only visitor and I feel like hell. I feel like I am failing him still. I wasn't strong enough to hold his sister and I couldnt hold him to term. My soul dies each time I leave him there.

Someone said to me that they prayed while I was in the OR and they were trying desperately to get my son out of me and to keep me alive... they said that their prayer was simple, "Take them both or leave them both." I agree with the sentiment..... then and now. I know my son is a fighter... I KNOW he is.... the nights I sit up... aching to hold my son, to whisper in his ear, to tell him how much I love him....

We are a team... a pair... two pieces of a hole.....
I have said the same thing to the Universe.... If you can't let me have him, if you are going to take him, then please don't leave me here without him because I won't make it. I have nothing without him.

My heart and soul are so damaged right now.... I send ever bit of positive love and light to my son. I know that no one can tell me that it will be alright, I know that there is nothing that we can be promised. He is so little and has such a fight on his hands.... and I feel like I have failed my son. I am sitting here crying because its all I can do right now.

I want my son, I want my baby in my arms, I want to smell him and feel him touching my face looking up at me..... I don't know how to get past this, I don't know how to not feel this way.

Quoting £izzy -HJM- Wyatt's Momma:“ I am having a really hard time right now. I feel very useless and like a failure. We are women, our bodies ... [snip!] ... and feel him touching my face looking up at me..... I don't know how to get past this, I don't know how to not feel this way.”

I cant imagine what you are going through right now. but it is ok to cry. you are both fighters and you tried your best to keep him in there till 40 weeks but he is still fighting and doing a great job at it!

Quoting £izzy -HJM- Wyatt's Momma:“ I am having a really hard time right now. I feel very useless and like a failure. We are women, our bodies ... [snip!] ... and feel him touching my face looking up at me..... I don't know how to get past this, I don't know how to not feel this way.”

I'm sending you huge cyber hugs right now. Honestly everything you're feeling is totally normal, all of us who've been there have started our journey's the same way. It's a huge shock to your system and it's natural to reaction like this. I was so messed upfrom 5-7 weeks pp, i was in such a state. I felt like i couldn't breathe without my LO, i would literally cry till i puked.

You did your best and you will always continue to do your best. Your baby is in the best place for him right now and is getting the best care. It sucks as a mum that you can't be the one to make it all better, but by taking care of yourself and spending time with him you are doing exactly what he needs right now.

Don't worry about the pumping, whether preemie or not these things just happen. Do you have a lactation consultant or breastfeeding support that you can speak with?

Try to take peace in the fact that he's doing so well. You will have these really bad days, you just have to go with it. As time goes on there will be lots of good days too. Everything is going well so it's very likely things will get better and better and he will be home before you know it. Try to stay calm and just know that everything you're going through is a normal part of having a preemie, stressing about it will not change a thing. So the best thing you can do is take a deep breathe and stay strong for him. Allow yourself to grieve for the pregnancy ending, but then pick yourself up and get on with it. He needs his mummy there smiling over him!

They had to give him an albutoral treatment last night. They are going to start doing it regularly they said for alittle while at least until his lungs develop more... or for good if they have to. (big giant deep breaths) so that means that they are watching his lungs even more now. Of all the little organs that take so long to develop the lungs are always last... which I am finding out is the big problem with mini babies....

Quoting £izzy -HJM- Wyatt's Momma:“ They had to give him an albutoral treatment last night. They are going to start doing it regularly they ... [snip!] ... organs that take so long to develop the lungs are always last... which I am finding out is the big problem with mini babies....”

Yup lungs are a toughie, as is the digestive tract. Those 2 seem to cause the most long term issues. Your lil guy is doing really well on the milk and ox levels though, it's good they are keeping a tight eye on things. Try not to worry about the future right now, there is no way of predicting what will happen so don't scare yourself! Just focus on each day as it comes and you will be ok.

Measurements:
2lbs 10oz
14inches long
19.5 cm head circumference

Wyatt is taking 7cc of breast milk every 3 hours (woohoo for boobie juice). They have him taking albuterol treatments to help smooth out his lungs. Apparently it is a milk steroid and a muscle smoother. The doctor's are saying essentially now that it is a race for his lungs to get healthier and better before there is damage to them that would require treatment. His hair is coming in super blonde right now and his eyes are still dark so we dont know what color they are but they opens them and looks at me when he is awake when I am talking to him. Since he is still being Mr Naughty Pants and pulling out his tubes every other day I cannot hold him because if he pulls them out while I am holding them all hell will break loose. His incubator is called a Giraffe OmniHouse or something close to that. The nurses tell me that it costs about the same as a Cadillac Escalade (ummmm damn)

I am still working on... working through the feeling of failure... trying to sift through the hurt of just not being there enough for him and not doing enough for him... knowing that it wasn't him that was ready to come but it was my body that just couldn't hold him anymore, that is a very hard and bitter pill for me to swallow.

I have some new pictures. I know his tubes are in the way a bit but really I cannot move them out of the way too much.

It may not seem this way to you, but you seem to be staying very strong for little Wyatt! I know it's probably hard because you can't have him home yet, and feel like you can't help anymore than just being there for him, but you are being a great momma. Don't worry, soon enough he'll be home with you and in your arms all the time! My thoughts are with you both  

He was laying on his belly today....