re: **Drug and alcohol abuse support thread**

Ok, so I don't know if I can post in this thread or not beings it's not me that has the problem but here's a little back story and any advice is welcome.

I'll start off by saying yes, I am very naive when it comes to drugs. Drinking, no. Drugs other than pills, yes.

A family member has just moved in with us to "get away" from a lifestyle. 20 years old, and I know for fact that last week he did do shrooms (?). As far as what his rap sheet is, the ones I know are the basic weed and pills, but also, shrooms, spice, and coke which I know nothing about.

Now, he just moved in with us. What are signs to look for that he is doing things again, even if it is "behind out backs" etc and do these forms of drugs typically alter personality in a dangerous way?

And also, what is appropriate for me to say to him if he is on them? How does a person approach someone who is high, wasted, pinned, whatever? Or do I say anything..?

I feel like such a noobie dork asking these questions but I really do want to know...

To the relative moving in:

Ya know, as far as personality changes go, it depends on the individual. Anything I've ever done hasn't made me violent or dangerous, however, some drugs do. Especially if they take you away frmo reality. Shrooms and acid can give you bad trips. I've personally never done them, but they can.

You didn't mention it, but PCP or "wet" as I used to call it most definately alters personality. I'm not sure exactly what spice is, so I can't answer for that. As far as coke, it depends. If it's a line or two, probably not going to be dangerous. However, if he's up for days and strung out it could possibly go the other way.

The big giveaway for my mom when I was smoking crack - which would be the same tell for you figuring out if he's high on coke - were my pupils. Coke/crack blow your pupils out and they do not retract in the light. Lack of appetite. Jittery.

Opiates, (heroin, perks, oxys, etc. if you don't know) your pupils are like pin needles. Dosing off repeatedly when he's not tired. Itchyness - especially nose.

I don't know what you would say to him. Everyone reacts differently. It took my mom sending me to jail out of the blue and getting court ordered in order to stop. Give him an altimatum (sp). You really shouldn't have him around your kids. Addicts are careless when using.

Hope this helps!

Quoting ßitchtastic ♥ 3.24:" How do you deal with an SO who has a serious drinking problem, and can't admit to it? "

it's very hard. I have a drug problem and hate alcohol. My whole family has an alcohol problem (Mom, Dad and brother are alcoholics) Since alcohol is legal, and they have never been in trouble with the law, they don't think they have a problem, and since they are "functioning" alcoholics they don 't think they have problems. It is VERY frustrating living with 3 alcoholics constantly telling me I have a problems and need to get help when all of them have been confronted by friends or other family members telling them they have a problem and need help. I know I have a problem and have been getting help, but when I tell they they need to stop they focus only on me and my problems, even throwing it in my face at times.
All I can say is look into al-anon which is a step meeting for the family and friends of an addict. I've heard it can be helpful and you might find an answer on how to address it better with them. If possible try and tell someone close to them and plan an intervention. And just try and not threaten them or give up too quickly. Sometimes it takes annoying repetition for someone to seek help, and sometimes they need time or just need to be ready. You can PM me if you want to talk more. Hope something i said helped.

So, I've been sorta lurking on this thread for a while (I think I posted once or twice about SO) looking for someone in a similar situation.

SO has been on and off opiates and crack for the past 5 years. He's been in and out of crises units. He's been homeless and beyond broke. I don't know what he's done to get his drugs, and frankly I don't want to know.

He was prescribed suboxone by a quack in a bigger city and was on it for about six months. We got back together and he moved back here with me and did not renew his prescription... but instead found out that the neighbor sells crack and suboxone/subutex. Anyway, after we got a BFP and he was doing this for a week or so, he came clean and went into a treatment facility (I'm glad but felt abandoned).

So, he gets out on Tuesday. They prescribed him antidepressants - they think the root problem is severe depression.


I will not raise my child with a using addict. But I will support him as long as he is continuing to try to stay (and is) clean.

What is the best way to support him without enabling him?

........................................................................

I can't believe i've never seen this thread before   i would love to join, my name is Lindsay, and i've been clean exactly two years on June 26th.

Here's my story...
I started going down a bad road very young, my mother wasn't around much, so basically, i was on my own. Smoking weed at 12, Cocaine and pills at 14. Alcohol at 15. I loved being under the influence of anything, loved feeling anything but normal. I dropped out of school at 16, put myself in some very bad situations, was with a man that was physically and mentally abusive for two years until i finally got the balls to leave. I met a guy who was in the army when i was 18 years old, we started dating and BAM, i found out i was pregnant. I stopped using everything, cigarettes included. Life was so good, he ended up getting deployed when i was 3 months along, and we broke up, but still, life was good. I got on my feet, got my own apartment, was supporting myself and getting ready for my baby. She came on april 7th of 2009, and it was the happiest day of my life. She is my heart and soul. Well i made the mistake of using some vicodins and percocets to lift my mood when my daughter was about 5 months old, and it sent me in a whirlwind of a nightmare, and i never even realized it until i got my daughter taken from me after she was a little over a year old. I met a guy who was a heroin dealer, and started injecting heroin, and basically doing anything to make myself forget my life, and the fact that i lost the only thing that mattered to me. I hated myself, and my life, and wanted to die. The ONLY thing, i can say that kept me going, was my daughter. I ended up getting into a rehab on June 26 of 2010, and it was the best thing i ever could have done in my life. I got off the drugs, and came home to my daughter. I'm still facing consequences for my actions and mistakes to this day, going through a horrible custody battle with my daughters father, it sucks. I hope that one day i can put all of this behind me, and just move on with my life. I'll always be an addict, i can't even drink a beer, i can't LET myself do anything thats going to alter my mood, and i'm scared to because i know how fast it can change my life.

I'm so glad this thread is here and i can relate to others who have addictions, it's hard and embarrassing to admit sometimes, but it's real life, and people think you can just "stop", it's not that simple. If anyone ever needs to talk or vent, feel free to PM or PT me!

Thank you for letting me share my story  

Quoting anonymom + 1.5:" So, I've been sorta lurking on this thread for a while (I think I posted once or twice about SO) looking ... [snip!] ... him as long as he is continuing to try to stay (and is) clean. What is the best way to support him without enabling him?"

Don't let him get away with anything! Tell him strait up, "if i find out you are using, you are OUT" seriously, you NEED to set those bounderies sweetie, an addict WILL take advantage of you if they think they can.

If you see that he's really trying, be there for him, support him, talk to him, LOVE him. And don't EVER, EVER blame or accuse unless you have very good reason to.

If you ever wanna talk, PM me  

Quoting Diam0nd InThe Dust:" Don't let him get away with anything! Tell him strait up, "if i find out you are using, you are OUT" ... [snip!] ... him, LOVE him. And don't EVER, EVER blame or accuse unless you have very good reason to. If you ever wanna talk, PM me  "

 

Addicts are expert advantage takers!  
Even if they love you, they know you love them and you've done/been everything for them! Actually, ESPECIALLY if you have...

Hello LADIES!!!
I miss you all very much!  

Quoting Dom's Mommy:"   Addicts are expert advantage takers!   Even if they love you, they know you love them and you've done/been everything for them! Actually, ESPECIALLY if you have..."

Very very true! & it's not because they don't love you or care about you, it's because they see one thing, and thats the drug, and they will do what they have to to get it, they aren't thinking of hurting you, they are thinking of what they need to do to get what they need!

.............

I would be careful, i know when i started doing pills, i didn't realize i had a problem until it was far too late, first it was like one day a week, then it was two days, then it turned into an everyday struggle, if i were you, i would slow down before you get ahead of yourself, if you are already sensing a problem, then thats a sign that you are realizing that it IS changing your life in some way, and you need to stop it before it becomes uncontrollable. Especially with alcoholism running in your family, it could become very dangerous. When i started using, i did it because it made me feel good, i could go for walks and feel good, talk to friends, i didn't have as much anxiety, if i knew now what i knew then, i would have stopped immediately. Just be careful, maybe stop drinking the hard liquor, and stick to a few beers on the weekend?

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oops, sorry about that!!   it's edited out!

Anyways, yea i understand the reason of being bored, sadly, it's a reason ALOT of people aquire addictions. & i agree, if you see the alcohol being a problem in your life, try to figure it out right away, you deffinately don't want it to ruin your life, and it can, and will! My fathers an alcoholic as well, and basically everyone on my fathers side has an alcohol problem, i went through a stage when i was younger before i had my daugher where i drank every night, and it got me into alot of trouble, i don't drink at all, and haven't in years because i just know i can't handle my alcohol, i get mean and violent, and wake up in the morning with alot of guilt and regret, so i chose to keep away from it, it got easier after a while.
Do you think opening up to your husband could help you? maybe he could help you as well, by also not drinking or having any alcohol around you? I wish you luck, i know how hard it is to struggle with these sort of things, and it sucks. It's like "why can't we be like him or her and just drink or do that once in a while?" lol. Addictions SUCKK.

I have been in a rough spot lately and I really don't know where to start but here we go. My SO is an alcoholic. He has had 2 DUI's in the past year. These charges are not his first run in with the police concerning alcohol. He also smoked weed for a while. He still smokes once every blue moon but nowhere near the degree that he used to. As a matter of fact, he was expelled his senior year of HS for it, but he did go on to complete his GED. I am not saying I am perfect. I have had my problems with prescription pain killers in the past and it is something I struggle with day by day. I try not to take pain medication unless necessary. However, with all this said, I guess my problem is how do you deal with someone you love a lot (and want to stay with b/c I really want my child to have BOTH parents for him for love and support) when it just seems like as much help as I offer to help with his addiction, it just seems to keep blowing up in my face. I am growing sick of having to hide the keys when he drinks, his unending nagging of take me here or there without asking or a thank you, etc. I am sure that he really does love me and our son, but it just seems like a relationship without alcohol in it is impossible. Now I will admit I love to have a glass of wine and I def lived it up when I was in college, but I can go without. It will not hurt my feelings to not have alcohol again while raising my child. My parents were sober people up until I started HS and were there for me NO MATTER what. Not that I am saying that people who drink occasionally around their children are bad people, I just don't know what that is like. I just don't see how him + alcohol = a responsible parent given he is still in debt at least $5,000 to the courts. I caught him the other night trying to leave after he had been drinking so I know I still can't trust him. I guess, sorry long rant, my question is what are some of your thoughts and suggestions on how to deal. I really don't want to be a single parent, but if it means that my child will not have to deal with a father that lets him down due to an addiction than I guess I must make that difficult decision. Thanks for your time reading this! It is really helpful to know that I am not alone, although at times it really feels like I am! <3 you all!