Advice?? LONG...

So, my 14 year old daughter Jasmine, who has Down syndrome, has a different dad than my other babies...My hubby has been in her life for 12 years though, bcuz he and I were friends before we got together. After we got married, in 2000, my husband adopted her and gave her his last name. Jasmine doesn't even know that she has another dad bcuz I've never said anything about him. He has been in prison for most of her life and I didn't keep in touch out of personal preferrence, bcuz he is a complete waste of energy,physically abusive twords women,and a pretty useless person in general! No job, no diploma or GED, no ambition to be anybody or do anything with his life, and no ability to take care of himself! ( I know, but he really wasn't this bad in high school!!) Anyway, he turned out to be a total loser! So, my question is...if/when should I tell Jasmine about him? He is now out of prison, but absconding from his parole...I'm sure he will not be available to participate in her life anytime soon....It would be different if she had a little more understanding of the world, but since she has Down syndrome, she does have a limited ability to understand something of this magnitude. She would be able to understand that I was with someone before my husband, and probably that this person is her dad...But I think she will have a terrible time trying to understand why he wouldn't want to be part of her life. And I know she would be upset to hear that my husband isn't her dad! My 6 year old is starting to wonder why they have different hair, complexions, features, etc....What should I do?? I just don't want to make a mistake.

Quoting Suzie S.:“ So, my 14 year old daughter Jasmine, who has Down syndrome, has a different dad than my other babies...My ... [snip!] ... to wonder why they have different hair, complexions, features, etc....What should I do?? I just don't want to make a mistake.”

I don't exactly know my "dad" honestly i would wait until she is a little older. is the father insisting on seeing her?

I've been waiting to see what people have to say about this. I dont know much about down syndrome and now am going to have to look into it due to curiousity. I believe that if you feel she doesnt have the capacity to understand dont bring it up. if one day she asks questions then answer them honestly. THen your not lying but your not trying to make her understand something she cant. if she can put it together and realize how different her and her siblings are then maybe she'd be able to understand... but if at 14 she's not mentioned it... let her live her happy life... and GL... you are mama... You know best. Follow your heart.

if she isn't able to completely understand the situaiton and he isn't going to be in her life, I don't think I'd bother telling her. It sounds like she's better off with out him.

Quoting A & E MOMMY{31 weeks}:“ I don't exactly know my "dad" honestly i would wait until she is a little older. is the father insisting on seeing her?”

No he's not insisting on seeing her...LUCKILY, he's been nice enough to respect my wishes and leave us alone! But I'm just afraid that my 6 year old, Nicaya is going to start putting her questions out there and I don't want her to make Jasmine doubt herself. Nicaya is very smart! She knows something is different, she just doesn't know what it is yet....

Quoting No Palin in my Vajayjay!:“ if she isn't able to completely understand the situaiton and he isn't going to be in her life, I don't think I'd bother telling her. It sounds like she's better off with out him.”

thats what i was going to say. I havea disabled sister...she has Rett Syndrome...but with her being in Special Ed and all...I've met lots of kids with DS.

I dont think it would be a good idea to tell her just because it might be really upsetting and confusing for her and sometimes, I'm sure you know this, their only way of letting this be known is acting out.

Thanks guys!!! I'm leaning tword NEVER telling...If that's not possible, the maybe when she's 25 or later, who knows....As long as I can! She's very happy with her life right now, and we both put up with alot of shit to get her there, so I must let her enjoy that now! She deserves it!!!

Quoting Suzie S.:“ Thanks guys!!! I'm leaning tword NEVER telling...If that's not possible, the maybe when she's 25 or later, ... [snip!] ... her life right now, and we both put up with alot of shit to get her there, so I must let her enjoy that now! She deserves it!!!”

and deserve it she does!! I've never seen stronger or smarter people then those with retts, downs, autism etc.

If everyone and everything is happy...why disrupt it? I wish you the best!!

Quoting Suzie S.:“ So, my 14 year old daughter Jasmine, who has Down syndrome, has a different dad than my other babies...My ... [snip!] ... to wonder why they have different hair, complexions, features, etc....What should I do?? I just don't want to make a mistake.”

I'd only talk to her about it if SHE brings it up. I'm always open and honest with my boys,but I don't go volunteering info either. Not that you do or would mind...She may never talk to him. I WOULD however speak to him and tell him to stay away from my family if he's that bad. Yes, men have a right to know about their kids but if he's like that....he gave up that right when he started being abusive! Sounds like you got a good family now! Don't let him mess it up for ya! I hope it works out!

I personally wouldn't say anything.
Not due to your daughters lack of understanding, which I think would be hard for anyone to understand fully. How do you tell a kid their daddy is like he is and that he hasn't bothered?

Anyways, side tracked lol
I wouldn't say anything to her because her 'father' sounds very unpredictable. What's to say he comes into her life, and then screws up. Your little girl will be heartbroken and it'll be you and her daddy who have to deal with it.

Does your 6 year old know that they have different fathers?

Nope, she doesn't know....She was a toddler when he adopted Jasmine....

I wouldn't tell her. If she has a loving dad in her life then it doesn't matter. It will only complicate things for her.

Quoting ExcitedNervousMommy:“ I wouldn't tell her. If she has a loving dad in her life then it doesn't matter. It will only complicate things for her.”

That's what my hubby says....I think I'll just stick with that and stop worrying about it! Maybe he will "vanish", never to be heard from again. LOL!! That would make my life wonderful!!