re: Mental health support.

Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" Sorry kiddo. If I can't, you can't. Dem's da rules What's going on?

mmm... I kinda did anyway...

It's just kind of "everything" if that makes sense. I miss everybody. My brother's been staying with me this summer and I'm worried about when he leaves. Even though I know he needs to and its not for a bad reason, I hate people leaving. And then just regular life stress and being frustrated that Daniel isn't helping me figure things out. I asked my mom for advice yesterday and got politely chewed out.

Just everything.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" mmm... I kinda did anyway... It's just kind of "everything" if that makes sense. I miss everybody. ... [snip!] ... Daniel isn't helping me figure things out. I asked my mom for advice yesterday and got politely chewed out. Just everything. "

Sorry hun *hugs*

I got dumped by my councler due missing two session with budget cuts and everything I got booted. My mind understands this but I'm still licking my wounds.Im currently at intake for councling but won't beable to get in until september so I have to ask my former councler for closure and maybe even extended sessions..wish me luck gotta get little one from playroom.

I think I may be bipolar in addition to my PPD. How does the diagnosis go? Do I just tell my psychiatrist why I think I'm bipolar? How does treatment usually go? This is all so new and scary.

Awesome. Got bitched at because I can talk to you all in here about things that I don't want to talk about with my husband. About everything that goes on in my head and my crazy roller coaster life. I changed my password but realized, he checks the history and he can still see it since it's public! I can't write anything down without him reading it and then being a dumb ass and hinting at something I wrote. It's ridiculous! I 'lied' about not taking the last pregnancy test and he went ape smurf. BIG SmUrfING DEAL! I was sure I was pregnant, guess i'm not. He then blew it out of proportion saying that I always lie, i'm a compulsive lair, why do I lie, etc.. then he GOOGLES things for a good thirty minutes about bi-polar people. He came up with that 80% of bipolar's cheat on their spouse and lie all the time. Seriously, google is such a reliable source, so is wikipedia now isn't it?! SmUrf SmUrf SmUrf. It's so ANNOYING! I'm afraid to even go to a therapist, I don't even think a two hour session would even begin to cover anything. He doesn't realize i'm not the only crazy one around here. He makes my moods worse by being absolutely stupid. Then he asks "have you taken your medicine today?" I have to tell him time and time again that my medicine does not help his stupidity. I wish he would understand that. He's probably going to read this, so please, respond if you'd like.

I'm never going to be normal. Ever. I'm not going to be a happy go lucky person. A mom who is super active, wanting to socialize, go to playdates, just the 'normal mom things' my husband thinks. I'm going to be depressed over nothing, i'll be a bitch over nothing, I cannot control it. The quicker he understands that the better. If he leaves me over it, whatever. I'm sick and tired of being teased about it. He keeps talking about wanting to get anxiety pills because he's always so overwhelmed. He wants to take mine, i'm thinking no way, get your own. (Sounds bad). I don't even think he needs them. But who am I to judge. He wants me to get a job but i'm so smurfing scared to. Excuse my language i'm not in a good mood today. I hate people, I hate confutation. I'm not a fast learner. If someone is breathing down my neck while i'm working I get nervous, mess up, boss will bitch, I almost start crying and try to get out of work as much as possible the next morning, to my husband anyway. I doubt I can get on disability. I don't know what to do.

Some days I just don't even feel like being here, like i'm a burden to everyone and anything.

I just hope someone is on to respond, driving myself crazy over here. Kids won't stop screaming, DH is ignoring me. Can't leave to clear my freaking head.  

Quoting .jamie:" I just hope someone is on to respond, driving myself crazy over here. Kids won't stop screaming, DH is ignoring me. Can't leave to clear my freaking head.  "

Breathe, mama. <3

Can you go outside for a while and get away? Or in a room by yourself?

You don't need to be "normal". You're fine. Internet descriptions are full of crap. I'm a borderline and I've read articles that say Borderlines are all liars, cheaters, and manipulative, but that's not me. I don't know you well, but you seem fine to me. Don't let people who don't understand get to you, even if it is your husband.

Therapy can do wonders if you let it. It takes time, but it helps. I wouldn't get by without it.

Sometimes I wish someone would come and just take me out of here. Just say "You know what? Pack your damn bags. You and the kids are coming with me, right now. No more of this smurf." Because I'm lame and I have no backbone... but I don't want to be here either...

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" Sometimes I wish someone would come and just take me out of here. Just say "You know what? Pack your ... [snip!] ... with me, right now. No more of this smurf." Because I'm lame and I have no backbone... but I don't want to be here either... "

if I could do that for you hun, I would.

Talk to your brother? I know you guys are close. Maybe if he knew what was really going on, he'd come "rescue" you

Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" if I could do that for you hun, I would. Talk to your brother? I know you guys are close. Maybe if he knew what was really going on, he'd come "rescue" you"

Who knows. Maybe.

I took Xanax for the first time today. I had to take two for it to kick in though. Once it kicked in, it helped though.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" Who knows. Maybe. I took Xanax for the first time today. I had to take two for it to kick in though. Once it kicked in, it helped though."

I'm glad it helped. It's a lifesaver. I'm finally back down to 0.125, i'm determined to get off of it.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" Breathe, mama. <3 Can you go outside for a while and get away? Or in a room by yourself? You don't ... [snip!] ... even if it is your husband. Therapy can do wonders if you let it. It takes time, but it helps. I wouldn't get by without it. "

Thank you. I hadn't taken my second round of medication so i'm pretty sure my mood didn't help the situation. I need to open up to him more, we're working on it. I'd like therapy, I keep saying i'll look into it but I never do.

I had one of those rough therapy sessions today. I was in tears for pretty much the entire hour. We talked about people leaving and why I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. She said that I deserve good things not because I'm "good enough" but just because I exist. I told her that I don't feel like I really "exist". I feel like I just exist for everyone else. Like I just exist to be a shoulder for people to lean on, or a verbal punching bag, or a sexual toy or a maid or whatever. But not for ME. I don't matter.

At the end of the session she said well, don't you think if things aren't going the way you want that you should change them? I said I'd like to. But I don't know HOW to change it. I don't know how to make myself feel like I deserve to change it. I don't know how to allow myself to feel better. She asked if I'd be willing to learn, and yes.

Then she said that based on that session, again, she really thinks I need a support person because she can tell that I'm not strong enough to hold my own by myself, especially if there's resistance from people like Daniel and whatnot. So that I really need a support pillar.

Todays therapy was totally a waste. I had Cora with me so I couldn't talk about anything I really wanted to. Cora is getting old enough to understand things and I think that she won't be able to come into my sessions for much longer.

I need MY therapy.

Quoting Rain (aka Mama):" I had one of those rough therapy sessions today. I was in tears for pretty much the entire hour. We talked ... [snip!] ... own by myself, especially if there's resistance from people like Daniel and whatnot. So that I really need a support pillar. "

I VOLUNTEER!


Seriously girl, if I could do it for you I would. I nominate your brother.