I am so fed up! (LONG vent)

I know, you ladies have problems of your own and your own family drama, but I just really need to vent!
My boyfriend (also my BD) and I got into this HUGE fight tonight.He totally blew up over something kinda small. --A little background.
I hate pumping. I am actually not happy that I have to go back to work because of this. I hate just thinking that my baby has to take a bottle. There are so many benefits for her exclusively BREASTfeeding. I understand she is getting the same nutrients from the bottle, but I guess I am also being a little selfish because the thought of someone else feeding her makes my skin crawl (it's the one thing ONLY mommy can do, and I like that  ) Because I BF exclusively, I have yet to pump bottles to store for work (which is fine, because I won't be going back fora couple more weeks) Now, like mostBFing moms(or any moms for that matter)waking up in the middle of the night,we are quite tired. And well, being so tiredI tend to fall asleep with Trinity, we have gotten in the habit of co-sleeping. (I know, it's bad habit, I've heard it all, but I don't mean to do it, it's just convenient(sp?)) Well, Zakk hates it! Absolutely HATES it! And this is where the fight started!
We were trying to pack Trinity up to go over to my mom's house and get my car..which he was already upset about because he doesn't like my mom and I told him that he was just dropping us off because my mom wanted to see Trinity, so he ahs a fit about that.
"I don't understand why you have to stay over there.."
"Because, my mom wants to see Trinity, is that so bad?"
"Yeah, it kinda is"
"You're mom wants to see her everyday and gets to, why can't my mom?"
--his mom "Yeah, well you all live with me.."
--me "So? My mom has every right just like you to see her!"
--zakk- "Whatever!"
---------------end of that fight--------------------
So, our friend Carol was over and was talking about how some lady co-sleeps with her son, blah blah, I dc really. But it got Zakk going, talking about how I need to stop and it's getting annoyinh..
so I told him, "you know, I don't plan on doing it, I just fall asleep, I'm tired! You know, if you woke up with me, you would understand! I am doing this all by myself!"
him--YELLING with Trinity in him arms!! "No, shut up, I don't want to hear it, if you would pump a fucking bottle then I would!"
-me--"Zakk, for one, stop yelling. two, no. You know how I feel about the whole pumping thing, so shut up."
--him STILL YELLING, but he had already set Trinity in her carseat "No, you shut up, I am sick of you telling me to get up with her, but you won't pump a damn bottle!"
I smacked his arm! "Zakk, stop yelling infront of her! Please!"
"No! Fuck you. I'll do whatever I want!"
"You know what, just take me to my mom's so I can go get my car!"
So, he walks out and gets in his car.
I finish strapping Trinity in and strap her in the car, get in thecar myselfand he pulls away.
I don't say a word.
"What you're going to be all mad at me now?"
"Zakk, I don't want to talk to you right now, just drop it. I'm done."
"No, what's your problem?"
"Don't you EVER, EVER yell infront of my daughter again. She doesn't need that."
"No, fuck you.(now yelling again) I will talk however I fucking want infront of my daughter."
"No, Zakk, you can't. Just shut up and drop it, I am not going to have my daughter exposed to your ignorance!"
"Oh, she doesn't understand!"
"Yeah, she does Zakk. She can sense there is something wrong. She can. She's not stupid!"
He stopped.

When I was unstrapping Trinity I told her, "Say bye to daddy."
"Bye baby, see you in a little bit."-him.
"Yeah, maybe tomorrow." and I shut the door!

I mean seriously?!? Did I really do something terribley(sp?) wrong? I am just so fed up with his shit! Ugh! And my poor daughter!!   She is the one really suffering here, not me. My poor little girl!

Again. I know you all have your own family drama. But thanks for letting me vent, I'm just so pissed! He had no right to treat us that way!

thats ridiculous, i dont think you did anything wrong.
I understand with the whole just falling asleep while feeding habit, its hard not to cause we are so exhausted.
Don't think you were in the wrong, you are standing strong to your views and thats a very good trait to have.
you were right he is being very ignorant.
i'm sorry girl

I have to say that I think youre really strong for making him see that she does understand..keep your head up

Thanks ladies. I just hate that he does that infront of her. Like, why? What did she do to deserve that?

I totally think he over reacted, but.....

IMO I think he WANTS to help you at night. I think he might feel like you are taking away from his bonding by not pumping so he can help at night. I totally understand falling asleep with the baby and being exhausted - but I also know that my husband really wanted to try and help out. I was bad with the whole "my baby" thing, and my husband pointed out that it was "our baby" and that by saying he was just mine it made him feel useless.

Quoting Mommy of a giggler!:“ I totally think he over reacted, but..... IMO I think he WANTS to help you at night. I think he might ... [snip!] ... baby" thing, and my husband pointed out that it was "our baby" and that by saying he was just mine it made him feel useless.”

I agree!

I think he has no right to speak to you that way, especially in front of your (plural, lol) daughter, but I think he really is asking you to help him help you and just has a really immature way of going about it. In fact, it sounds like he's straight up jealous of your bf bonding time w/baby.

What's the deal with pumping; why don't you want to? From what I gather you don't want to miss out on a single bonding experience with your daughter, which I definitely can't fault you for, but he needs to be made a part of things too.

Quoting momma header [[BBC]]:“ I know, you ladies have problems of your own and your own family drama, but I just really need to vent! ... [snip!] ... you all have your own family drama. But thanks for letting me vent, I'm just so pissed! He had no right to treat us that way!”

wow.. thats just like me and my bf. Its crazy how men are so freaking ignorant about the whole being tired and falling asleep with the baby beside us. I hear it from him ALL the time, then he tells his mom who gives me a talk about all the bad things it can happen. wtf.. Anyway, just letting you know your not alone. Ive been actually cosleeping with my daughter for like 7months now. Everytime he bitches, i tell him to leave and sleep in the guestroom. I rather sleep with the baby in peace.. =]

Quoting First Time Go:“ I agree! I think he has no right to speak to you that way, especially in front of your (plural, ... [snip!] ... bonding experience with your daughter, which I definitely can't fault you for, but he needs to be made a part of things too.”

I've told him that he can wake up in the middle of the night without having to feed her. He wants to put her in her crib in the other room at night, so he can go get her, bring her to me so I can feed her, then he can wake up again to put her back. He can have the hard part. Considering if he were to feed her I would be going to get her and placing her back in her crib, he wouldn't do it all.

The pumping question has nothing to do with pumping itself (although I could be doing something else with that 15 minutes that Trinity is content enough for me to do it) butI just hate the way she takes bottles, expecially in the middle of the night when she is still half asleep. -She sucks too hard because she is so used to my breast and then she ends up choking. Then after the bottle she's still hungry so I end up BFing her anyway. It's just easier for the both of us that she get it straight from tap. Again, it's JMO.

I don't mean to sound selfish, but I guess I am. I have told him over and over again there are ways a father can bond with his child. I mean shit, changing a diaper would help ever now and then, but that's like pulling teeth around here. Anytime she needs her diapers changed, "here's mommy." not daddy, not grandma, not auntie. And I'm not going to bitch about that, I mean she's my daughter, Idon't mind doing it, but I guess I am forever welcomed to motherhood because everything she needs, it'salways onlymommy:
bath.
bedtime.
diaper/clothing changes.
fussy.
feedings.

I feel like a single mommy without living alone. I live with 4 other people and I don't get help with anything, so, so what if I want to sleep with my daughter? She likes it, I like it.

I told him today that I was going to go stay at my mom's for a few days. He said no, but he can't stop me. I can get help at my moms and I can sleep with my daughter all I want! I know I sound like a bitch, but I am just fed up!
His mom asked me "you know what you do when the Agrue men are like this?"
-"Leave 'em? Cause that's what I'm half tempted to do."
-"No, you just remember they really do love you."
--BTW Zakk's dad left her. So, how exaclty is that supposed to help me?

Anyways. Thanks again for listening to yet another vent!