*important* kinda long

So i was reading a post about if it was ok to hit your husband... I have to admit a lot of things.

Please don't judge me or my husband.... I really just need to make things right and work on this.

We both have hit each other. He is a lot stronger than me obviously so it always seems worse. But after reading that i have to admit i do lay my hands on him all too often. Now two wrongs don't make a right but i can now understand his frustrations and why at times it can be hard for him to control his anger. Our relationship has gotten tremindously better in the last year. We've been together 5.. we rarely fight but we are both verbally abusive still. I don't want this around my children. The yelling,screaming ,name calling.. and at times throwing things or being a bit violent. Both of us grew up in this type of environment and i specifically remember being scared to death as a child. I would actually jump on my dad and beat his head until he would get off of my mom. We both need help. I've been very open to counseling but can't get him to budge. He had to see therapists growing up for anger issues. So he has developed a bad look on therapy. But we badly need it. I want to be able to hold an argument where we don't yell we just talk. I want him to listen and to actually try and understand me and me the same. It's very important to talk things out and we just can't actually talk about anything. Things that are very important to me sometimes it feels like it's not important to him so why should he care. He's gone back and forth many times on if he'll go to counseling and then he won't.. Usually he says he will if he's still in the apologetic phase.
My main fear and most important thing is that we learn to communicate so we can be on the same page as far as parenting goes and what we want for our children and how we'll discipline. I shouldn't have to be shocked when i hear how he wants to punish them or how he'll react to certain things.. we should already know and agree on how WE will react.. not him or I.. it's WE...
So this is so important to me that i'd be willing to leave if he doesn't want to get on the same level. I just don't know how to get it through his head that i am serious. Any ideas .. ? tips .. ? stories of the same thing .. ?

I would check into counseling
that is not a healthy enviroment for either you him or the baby.
The first step is realizing you have a problem then working toward fixing it
Good luck mama

Quoting ~*~Lydia Rene'~*~:“ So i was reading a post about if it was ok to hit your husband... I have to admit a lot of things. ... [snip!] ... I just don't know how to get it through his head that i am serious. Any ideas .. ? tips .. ? stories of the same thing .. ?”

my sister & my mom are both in relationships like this & the only time their SO's agree to counseling is when theyre in that appologetic phase.after that they start to think its stupid & they start to fight all over again.

Quoting *waiting 4 my little boy*:“ my sister & my mom are both in relationships like this & the only time their SO's agree to counseling ... [snip!] ... is when theyre in that appologetic phase.after that they start to think its stupid & they start to fight all over again.”

I was always told "once an abuser, always an abuser" like it is a cycle that can't be broken

Could you possibly go and stay with family for a few days? Just tell him that until he actually goes to counseling with you that you'll be staying with family. Good luck with everything.

I really want this to work. It kills me to think that Jeremiah could have divorced parents. Chris is an awesome person he just doesn't know how to handle his emotions or empathize at all. I wish he could just understand that some things in life are worth sacrificing a bit of time for. It's an inconvenience yes, but well worth it. I love being able to go to couseling and learning ways to cope with different happenings or feelings. I think because he was forced to do it when he was younger is why he doesn't want to now. I made the choice to go when i turned 16. So maybe that's why we have a different look on it. i just want the best for our Son and any other possible future children. I want to be understanding and caring towards each other.. We don't even go on dates or be romantic with each other. i think i need to make another post about something else

Quoting Brass Bangin' Barbie:“ I was always told "once an abuser, always an abuser" like it is a cycle that can't be broken”

it really cant.they think that things are better & then its repetitive.ive nvr heard personally of a couple that has gotten counseling & broken that cycle.

Quoting Lindsey.:“ Could you possibly go and stay with family for a few days? Just tell him that until he actually goes to counseling with you that you'll be staying with family. Good luck with everything.”

All my family lives out of state.. we're military so we're like secluded here. If i leave it's a forever type of choice. I'd have to go home and find a place to live and get settled. None of my family even has room for me to just stay anyway

Quoting ~*~Lydia Rene'~*~:“ All my family lives out of state.. we're military so we're like secluded here. If i leave it's a forever ... [snip!] ... I'd have to go home and find a place to live and get settled. None of my family even has room for me to just stay anyway”

ok, so your military???
Then you need to inform you COC and get counseling! They will MAKE you go!
A SSG's wife in dh's platoon stabbed him and they made them both go to anger managment, counseling and a few other classes.
do it for your son,

Quoting Brass Bangin' Barbie:“ ok, so your military??? Then you need to inform you COC and get counseling! They will MAKE you go! ... [snip!] ... dh's platoon stabbed him and they made them both go to anger managment, counseling and a few other classes. do it for your son,”

We were made to go like two years ago. I can't stand the counselers on base. No matter how many times i insisted we were making it work and trying on this she would insist i go with my sad feelings and just divorce. .. .. .. If they would pay for us to seek help off of base that would be awesome.

oh and i think that is another reason why... He's scared that they will get soo involved and we can't be honest because they'll tell on him or something. . . . I don't want him to risk his career but then again it's like.. marriage.... career...marriage...career....

Quoting ~*~Lydia Rene'~*~:“ oh and i think that is another reason why... He's scared that they will get soo involved and we can't ... [snip!] ... or something. . . . I don't want him to risk his career but then again it's like.. marriage.... career...marriage...career....”

no they will help you work through it and tricare covers off base counseling with a referral

Quoting Brass Bangin' Barbie:“ no they will help you work through it and tricare covers off base counseling with a referral”

so what do i just ask my doctor? ... or do i need to see a counselor again on base?.... I already have counseling for PPD... so my doctor may be able to refer us... i dunno

Quoting Brass Bangin' Barbie:“ I was always told "once an abuser, always an abuser" like it is a cycle that can't be broken”

I don't believe that one bit...my SO used to hit his ex-girlfriend but he's never hit me, and I know that he never will. I think anyone can change their ways, they just have to want the change...if that makes sense.