Am I being selfish?
187 postsposted 24th Sep
So, my boyfriends been supportive this whole pregnancy and really excited to have a son. But he's been acting distant the past couple weeks, I ask him about this a couple days ago and he said he's just stressed about having the responsibility of a new human being to take care of and his new job at work. I tried to tell him we are in this together and he doesn't have to do any of it alone, and its not going to help the situation to push me away. He says he isn't pushing me away, but I can tell a difference...but anyways I let it drop that night. Last night I called him from work and he was telling me he had been talking to his best friend from high school that lives in another state, and that he thinks he's going to go visit him this weekend. Of course, I already think he's pushing me away or he's wanting to break up with me so I get upset that he wants to go out of town fora weekend when I only have 4 weeks left. He swears the problem isn't me, and he just needs to get away from life for a couple days. He says I'm being selfish, and maybe I am.... I just want someone elses opinion. Is this normal for a guy to be so stressed right before the baby? Am I just being selfish?
quoteI have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Hickory, North Carolina
6326 postsposted 24th Sep
Quoting kriddle80:“ So, my boyfriends been supportive this whole pregnancy and really excited to have a son. But he's been ... [snip!] ... I just want someone elses opinion. Is this normal for a guy to be so stressed right before the baby? Am I just being selfish?”Yep its normal for him to be stressed but in all honesty he is the one being selfish - getting away isn't going to help the situation .
I have 7 kids & live in Guelph, Ontario
397 postsposted 24th Sep
Of course its normal to be stressed! I don't think he is purposefully pushing you away in my opinion, he's just having a tough time and needs to sort it all out. I say let him go for the weekend and when he comes back he should be a lot different. If anything as soon as you pop, life will at once get less stressful and more :p
quoteI'm due June 10th, have 1 angel baby & live in Saint Marys, Georgia
6942 postsposted 24th Sep
It's a bit much but it doesn't seem overly selfish- just a normal reaction. But you need to let him go. The unreasonable part is that you're translating him being worried about being a good provider/father into him pushing you away and wanting to leave you and that's just silly. If you start to stifle him now, it will turn into resentment and make even more space between you. Let him go, get over your ridiculous notion that he's bailing on you and do something for yourself that weekend.
quoteI have 3 kids & live in Wisconsin
2194 postsposted 24th Sep
Being selfish - no.
Normal for guy to be stressed out right now - yes
My boyfriend freaked out right before we had our son (although he was early), but yes it is normal. Once that baby is here everything will get better. If he didn't want to be here, he wouldn't have been here for this long.
Let him go for the weekend, you know he has to come back for his job and if you trust him then you know he won't leave you. Just relax, he probably just wants to get away for one last weekend... all guys do it.
quoteNormal for guy to be stressed out right now - yes
My boyfriend freaked out right before we had our son (although he was early), but yes it is normal. Once that baby is here everything will get better. If he didn't want to be here, he wouldn't have been here for this long.
Let him go for the weekend, you know he has to come back for his job and if you trust him then you know he won't leave you. Just relax, he probably just wants to get away for one last weekend... all guys do it.
I have 1 child & live in Quincy, Massachusetts
953 postsposted 24th Sep
my bf wants to go up to camp with my friend brian and his dad and lots of other guy buddies to have fun for the weekend while the girls stay home with the little ones... my friend has a baby and she cant go either... but i might let him go... i just dont like brians dad... hes no good and i hate how he tells me to raise my son.... but i think i will give my bf a weekend off to get his head cleared....
quoteI have 1 child & live in S Berwick, Maine
555 postsposted 24th Sep
I don't think you are being selfish but then again I don't have any tolerance for men "that get cold feet". My opinion is it's life, man up. What does he think you might be going through? You are carrying the baby and dealing with your own emotions on top of his flaking out all of the time (which I am sure doesn't help). If I were you, I would let him go. And when he returns I would not be at his feet wanting his attention, wanting to know what's wrong or letting him know that you need him. I would start learning what it's like to do things on my own cause you (and the baby) can't wait around for him to decide if he wants to accept being an adult and takingresponsibility of having a child. -sorry if I am being bitchy. It's just my opinion on the matter. Good Luck.
quoteI'm due December 17th (a boy) & live in Texas
932 postsposted 24th Sep
It's normal in my home. My SO needs to get away regularly. But I was always afraid that he was going to never come back while I was pregnant with Alex. Sometimes they just need the time to themselves to re-evaluate what's important in their lives. Having a baby is a big change. For everyone. It might be good for both of you to just get away from each other for the weekend and think about everything. I know you're more than likely more prepared and ready for this, because you've been carrying the baby, and it seems more real to you than it does to him.
I don't think either of you is being selfish. I think maybe he just needs a break for a weekend for one last hoorah before the baby comes. Because the chance won't be so open after the baby's born.
quoteI don't think either of you is being selfish. I think maybe he just needs a break for a weekend for one last hoorah before the baby comes. Because the chance won't be so open after the baby's born.
I'm due February 25th (a girl), have 1 child & live in Guelph, Ontario
548 postsposted 24th Sep
Quoting kriddle80:“ So, my boyfriends been supportive this whole pregnancy and really excited to have a son. But he's been ... [snip!] ... I just want someone elses opinion. Is this normal for a guy to be so stressed right before the baby? Am I just being selfish?”
So let me get this straight: you are 4 weeks away from possibly having this baby, and he wants to "get away from it all" for a weekend out with the guys???
Remind me how that makes you selfish?
It would be one thing if he were just going to go hang out for a night or something and stay in town, but it's not like you have the opportunity to take your bump off for the weekend and "get away." Talk to him about how you feel and let him know that it's stressing you out too. Just be honest with him.
I'm due December 10th (a girl) & live in Virginia
1485 postsposted 24th Sep
I think all guys have a little freak out some time during the pregnancy. But hmmm... I think it would really bother me if he left for the weekend. I don't see how that will help anything. Maybe ask if the two of you can have a date night and you don't talk about the baby all night ... just so he can relax and have fun together.
quoteI have 1 child & live in Washington
posted 24th Sep
I guess I should mention its not like he doesn't go out with his friends, since he got his new job he's training on 1st shift and I work 2nd, so basically we see each other during my one day off during the week and every other weekend. His friends and cousins are always at our house and they go out drinking several times a week. He said that I should take a weekend off too... however I'm 9 months pregnant and pretty much feel like shit all the time.
quoteI have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Hickory, North Carolina
posted 24th Sep
Quoting kriddle80:“ I guess I should mention its not like he doesn't go out with his friends, since he got his new job he's ... [snip!] ... He said that I should take a weekend off too... however I'm 9 months pregnant and pretty much feel like shit all the time.”I'm sorry but damn, knowing that bit of information only makes me second my first post. I am sorry you are dealing with such immaturity at a time when you need him the most. I would have a long talk with him before he left about how you feel. Seriously, I would start making arrangements to maybe stay somewhere else or have him stay somewhere else. Seems he hasn't gotten all of his partying over with and hasn't decided if he is ready to be serious with the whole "daddy" thing Once again, I really hope things work our in your favor. Maybe I am coming across negative,but I have been burned too many times by guys who can't make up their mind. Why do women always have to grow up and take control of a situation? Why do men "get their time" when we have no choice in the matter. Ugh, sorry. I am venting at this point.
I'm due December 17th (a boy) & live in Texas
posted 24th Sep
Quoting kriddle80:“ I guess I should mention its not like he doesn't go out with his friends, since he got his new job he's ... [snip!] ... He said that I should take a weekend off too... however I'm 9 months pregnant and pretty much feel like shit all the time.”
How exactly does he expect you to take a weekend off????? The payback is going to be a real bitch after you have your baby and you decide to catch up on some alone time.
If his friends and cousins are always over, then he's already hanging out with other people and has had plenty of time to chill. And if he's going out drinking several times a week (NOT CHEAP), then he's already having his "get out of the house" time. And if you two are working different shifts (my fiancee works nights and I work days and his weekends are always changing - police officer), then it's not like your baby bump is always in his face!
Oh this just burns my toast! Honey, tell him that he is treating you to a spa weekend that weekend. Use his money to treat yourself to an entire weekend of pre-natal massages, manicures, and pedicures. Get out of the house for a weekend and live it up in a great hotel room with room service - on his dime. If he has enough money to go out drinking "several times a week," then he has enough money to treat you like a princess for a weekend.
You are so NOT being selfish. He needs to man up and realise that a little life is coming into this world in roughly 4 weeks. A life that he helped create, because you sure as hell didn't do it by yourself.
I'm due December 10th (a girl) & live in Virginia
posted 24th Sep
Quoting OhBuddy:“ How exactly does he expect you to take a weekend off????? The payback is going to be a real bitch ... [snip!] ... is coming into this world in roughly 4 weeks. A life that he helped create, because you sure as hell didn't do it by yourself.”
I'm due December 17th (a boy) & live in Texas
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