re: Adoption wait times

Quoting Ms.Melody(Sept22/0 :“ Adoptions can cost alot of money. Also some people are picky with the kids they want sadly, they want babies- not older kids.”

But why is it sad that they want a baby?
You wanted a baby, I wanted a baby.

They have the same desires we have, why shouldn't they get it?

Also I think it is bullshit that infertile couples have to pay out the ass to adopt!

I paid $100 to have my son! That is it.

It doesn't seem fair that you have to pay financially and you have already been robbed physically.

Quoting Mommy*n*DJ:“ DH and I have decided that if we want a 3rd baby, we will adopt a girl from China. If we could get ... [snip!] ... a crap ton of boys, and I want a little girl someday, no matter if she's mine biologically or not, I will get a daughter, LOL.”

Is there no law against trying to reclaim the child after a certain period of time? I was sure there was.

Quoting Runaway Slave:“ Is there no law against trying to reclaim the child after a certain period of time? I was sure there was.”

Not sure about now...my mom was trying to adopt around 10 years ago, and it also might vary by state.

Now I'm gonna go look it up, cus I'm curious. And I'm gonna look up wait times for a US toddler...

Quoting Runaway Slave:“ I don't get it then. Double standard I guess. Why is it ok for us to reproduce thousands of new babies ... [snip!] ... they have a physical defect that doesn't allow them to reproduce. They shouldn't and they shouldn't be condemned for it.”

No, but it kind of makes a lie of the statement that someone would "do anything to have a child" if they're only willing to take some children.

I don't see why it's settling, honestly. Most people who biologically have children take a crap shoot on the health of their child, and if they get one that is less than "perfect" they will still raise and love that child. So, if biological parents are willing to take this risk, why aren't these families just waiting for whichever child comes first - regardless of race, gender or physical health?

We don't get to pick and choose our biological children - so there's a difference there.

I know many families do take whatever child comes along - but most seem to want only a specific type of child - and you don't get that guarantee when you have your own.

C.

Quoting Runaway Slave:“ I guess this could be said for anyone. Any one of us mothers on this site giving birth to our own new babies when there a a half million kids who need homes? No?”

I used to say that! still do feel that way to an extent. But I know there are women who feel they want to go through the whole process. Pregnancy etc. and i can understand that. I did.

Thank you for posting this. I feel like a broken record everytime there is a "There's always Adoption" thread  

Quoting lindseyglover:“ my husband and i raised foster kids for 4 years and we wanted to keep some of them but the vast majority ... [snip!] ... problems...we have a major need for just foster parents here in our county added to the adoptive families that are needed..”

This is exactly a majour part of the problem. My mom worked with foster kids and I used to go with her sometimes. They were nice kids, but a lot of them had some sort of problem or special need and a lot of people don't want that work. especially knowing that a grown child could easily say "You're not my real mom!" There are just a lot of things that people don't wnat to deal with.

 

Quoting chelsea nicole.:“ I don't understand why a lot of people go to different countries and adopt kids, when there are so many that need help over here. Off the subject, sorry! Just needed to get that off my chest.”

Kids need help everywhere. who cares where you adopt from? I don't get why it's a big deal or 'bad'.

Some of the reasons why people chose not to adopt older kids are:
1) Emotional and attachment disorders.
2) Mental and physical disabilities that they do not believe they can handle.
3) Having to deal with the Birth family wanting to be a major part of the child's new life (ie "You may adopt my child, but I am still mommy")_
4) Reason older child is in need of a Family, may include being a "Package Deal" meaning a Sibling group, even if younger may need to be placed with older sibling(s)
5) Basic Trauma (often PTSD) of why they are now needing a Family. Come on not all these kids are actually Orphans, and even if they are there's a good chance it wasn't from birth.
6) Some places do actually have "Race Restrictions", a lot of Native children cannot be adopted by anyone not a part of their band. I know there are some other places like that, and it's not just an urban Legend of families who adopt outside their race being Ostracized by their community/church.
7) Fear of the Unknown, yet knowing that the child already has many things already set in stone., and that it's not easy to change things.
  Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and other "Drug" problem babies.

For the Record I have been Looking into adoption for a number of years and more than once have almost made an application for "Special Needs" children which constitutes children from family groups, and over the age of 3-5, as well as more formally known "special Needs" from Spina Bifida, to visually imparied to hearing impaired, Downs syndrome, autistic, and what have you. Did you know some people will actually give up a child they have loved for a number of years because the child is Autistic? Or because they may be visually impaired? Or any other number of reasons, but essentially because they "aren't perfect"? There are not too many people who can actually handle these types of things. And once upon a time families just locked these kids up in Mental institutions and let them live and die there alone. Now we have some people who can do it and do. My Husbands Mother, Step-Father and therefore Baby sister (15 this year) have several of these wonderful children in their home. Albeit only 1 of them is still a child. And they are all just as dear to us as if they were "normal" and biological (though his mom would have had to be 5 when she had the oldest ) We ourselves do not believe we could handle that many children (I think they have 5) but are still contemplating adoption, but don't think it'll be a high end "Special Needs" like his Parents have, and Race is no barrier to us, a child is a child to love, but now, 3, may be a bit more problematic, just have to see what our hearts tell us at that time.

Website that gives prospective adopters and actual adopters a place to go, I've been lurking around on their forums longer than I've been a member of BG
http://www.adoption.com/

Quoting Lupin:“ Some of the reasons why people chose not to adopt older kids are: 1) Emotional and attachment disorders. ... [snip!] ... a child is a child to love, but now, 3, may be a bit more problematic, just have to see what our hearts tell us at that time.”

Your in-laws sound like wonderful, generous people.

C.

Quoting Runaway Slave:“ Also I think it is bullshit that infertile couples have to pay out the ass to adopt! I paid $100 to ... [snip!] ... to have my son! That is it. It doesn't seem fair that you have to pay financially and you have already been robbed physically.”

I agree here. I paid nada to have my son. Not even a penny.

I think as long as they make sure you are finacially stable, then maybe 2 or 300 to help the adoption agency (That isn't through the state, since they'd be paid by the government, no?) should suffice.

Nice post C. Definitely made me think.
When Mana was a toddler and I was a single, I worked with an amazing lady. I watched her and her husband go through all of the infertility issues and they finally turned to adoption. I remember her coming to us in shock at the cost of adoption. They had to take out a loan. I still remember the prices!!! It was $18,000 for a white newborn, $14,000 for a bi-racial baby and $12,000 for an african-american baby. Another lady and I had bi-racial children and we would joke that we had discount babies   But because of the cost and the wait and the fact that it didn't matter to her what race the child was, she ended up with a gorgeous african-american daughter.

Quoting God:“ Your in-laws sound like wonderful, generous people. C.”

I love them almost as much as my family!!! 
Oh wait they are my family!!
My Mom Loves them too and she's only talked to them over the phone!

Quoting Winduh:“ Nice post C. Definitely made me think. When Mana was a toddler and I was a single, I worked with an amazing ... [snip!] ... wait and the fact that it didn't matter to her what race the child was, she ended up with a gorgeous african-american daughter.”

It makes it sound essentially that they are selling these children.   If it were cheaper, I'm sure a LOT of people would turn to adoption. I don't think I'll ever be financially sound enough to have that much money to adopt a child. And it can't even be compared to medical bills during pregnancy becuase those, if you happen to not have insurance, can be paid a little at a time, or if yo don't make much you can find a doctor who goes by a sliding scale.